Sharing strategies to help with PTSD

[PamelaR]

One of my biggest learnings has been - PTSD is not like a broken arm. When you break your arm, it mends. PTSD is with you for life. It took me ages to recognise that I'd been triggered. Some of the simplest things - like going to the shopping centre at the beginning of winter and seeing the multi-colour shirts - red, blue, black squares. The hardest part for me is identifying the trigger because the pacing heart, the sweats, the panic, the fear doesn't happen immediately. It happens after I walk out of the shopping centre.For the first few years after being diagnosed with PTSD I was hell bent on identifying the trigger. Now - I don't worry. I simple accept I'm triggered - do my breathing, relaxation to beautiful music, write down my feelings and emotions, talk with my husband. Let him know I've been triggered. Most times my cats won't come near me while I'm working through a 'phase', but they certainly know when I've come out the other side. They come and give me lots of comfort and love. The down side of how I manage is to drink alcohol - to stop the feelings and emotions. It doesn't work, but it helps go to sleep. I'm not recommending drinking as a strategy!!

I have had 2 excellent psychologists that helped me. It's important to find someone other than those close to you to talk to. One was very good at helping me identify what was happening - e.g. being super alert, wanting to save or please people. Recognising these things helped to build better relationships with my work colleagues and my friends. I have conversations in my head - oh, you just want to please because something has frightened you. Then I say - you're okay, you're safe, you can say what you need to.

Basically, the strategy of self talk in a challenging way - I challenge what I'm doing, what I'm thinking. But I also recognise the little girl who screams out when things happen and comfort her. Very important to know she hurts terribly and needs comfort. The comfort she never received as a child.

[White_Rose]

Hello Karen (wave to Pamela)

Howe did you go at the shop? I looked on your thread but could see no reference to it and I rather hoped you may have written here.

I understand you are feeling a little upset at the moment. May I ask you to stop thinking about it anymore and concentrate on staying well.I know your circumstances are not very good and it's easy to feel misunderstood. I think you have been writing on this forum long enough to know no one intentionally tries to harm you, or anyone, in any way. This is one of the strengths of the forum, that we are safe from deliberate hurt.

Come and chat to us again, tell us how you went at the shop and write one good memory of yourself. I see you write in the pets thread so maybe you have a story to write here about about one of your pets.

Mary

[labradoodle]

To Pamela first of all congrats on becoming a valued contributor from reading your posts and advice to people when they need it it is well deserved recognition. To Mandy8 I had a meeting with the work over psych on Tuesday and know exactly the feelings you were experiencing. Even when I got in the lift to go up two floors when those doors closed my anxiety peaked. I have never been claustrophobic but my fight or flight kicked in straight away. Have returned to worked gradually went through a very similar site today to where my accident occurred and the flashbacks were there. My psychologist is working with me on CBT and exposure therapy I have good days and bad days. This site has helped me to realise that I am not alone with dealing with this we all have different reasons for being here but I have learnt that I am not the only one going through this. Labradoodle

[PamelaR]

Hiya Karen

Hoping to hear from you and how you day went yesterday. Are you around? I see from other posts that things aren't going to well. I agree with White Rose above, you have to stop thinking about it and concentrate on getting well. That is so important for you!!

Would really love to hear from you Grandy!!! Have missed you here. You really lift my spirits.

Hope to hear from you soon.

[PamelaR]

Hiya Labradoodle

Thank you for your congrats!! So glad to hear your psychologist is working with you on CBT and exposure therapy. I'm sure you find this will work eventually. It's not an overnight result, it takes hard work.You sound like someone who is really striving to do that hard work. So good on you Labradoodle (any pics yet?)

Cheers.

[PamelaR]

Hiya Mary

Wave back to you too. Great that I have you as my backup!! You're awesome. Thanks for being there!

Caio.

PR

[Ggrand]

Hello Mary and Pamela,

The shop....When I got in the Boss called me in his office, and told me to put last week behind me, and try to forget about it. he also told me that I need to be able to ask the girls to collect the donations, get them to clean up outback before they go as well as they have to help me to tidy up the clothes, hanger etc and vacuum the shop before we leave.. he had to go out just after lunch but would be back before closing to lock up..I did call them out to get the donated clothes, that went okay, but I ended up cleaning and tidying the shop. It's hard for me to ask someone to do something that I'm capable of doing myself.

My thread... A person came on to my thread and after a few posts asked me a question which I answered, this person posted back after my reply post to her question and she had a strange response, so I found her thread and peeked. She wrote that she pushed me way to far, and because of that she is leaving the forums. I'm not upset about me being hurt or misunderstood. I feel really guilty that she left

Good memory..The first time I became a puppy grandma..Kya had 4 of the tiniest puppies I ever seen, after they got eyes opened and started walking around, I couldn't go anywhere without 4 little puppies under my feet and one anxious mummy dog trying to round them up and protect them.

Mary, Thank you so much for your post. It came at a time I needed it.

Karen.

[PamelaR]

Hi Karen

Thank you for popping in and letting us know how you're getting on. It's really good your boss is supportive of you. And it is so good to hear you went to work today!! Well done you. Have you given yourself a reward for being brave and courageous?

I know what you mean about asking people to do things for you that you're capable of doing yourself. Maybe look at it as a learning for both you and the other people, they'll be learning new skills/ taking responsibility. Take your time in being assertive. Maybe practice at home what you want to say and how you'll say it. It may help??

I see you are feeling really horrible about your interaction with the person on the other thread. Guilt can be very pervasive and make you feel awful. Though I am not sure you have anything to feel guilty for. It is that person's decision to no longer participate in the forums. We are taught so early on in our lives to feel guilt over everything. Removing that feeling and emotion is very difficult, but it is okay to remove it and move on to heal and become well.

Sending you all the hugs and best energy to help you move on in your healing. xoxoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello Pamela, Mary.

I hope you are both feeling good.

My boss is understanding but the girls not so much, and to be honest I don't blame them.

The problem I think about asking them to do things, is they are elderly, (70s) they have all been voluneering for over 20+ years. I've been volunteering for 14 months, when I started there they showed & taught me my duties. I was ok with being outback, I was on my own. It's constant, which kept my mind from my remembering.

Now im out front in the shop, which is a lot easier physically then outback and my times not filled so my thoughts run riot. The other problem is that I have been been put as supervisor, believe me I'm not good at supervising at all. for my Tuesdays and that's not fair that I took someone else's position, and they were put out back. I can't ask them to help me, they were the ones that showed me how things were done. This is so unfair to me and them.

My ptsd has flared up since I've been out front, when a male walks in I'm physically sick, when 2 or more come in together I start getting panicky. I am stuck working here for Centrelink I have no way out of this job.

I can't let go of guilt, it's everywhere, the shop, the conversation on the forum, at home, my kids, my life. I don't know how to let go of it. I've been raised on guilt for being born, its embedded deeply inside me and controls everything I do,say and think.

Kindness only.

Karen.

[PamelaR]

Hello Karen

Good to have you pop back in to let me know how things are going for you. I do appreciate it.

Sounds like you are having challenges at work that make you awfully uncomfortable and you feel trapped because Centrelink have sent you. Hmmm, that is difficult hey. From what I read of your posts you are a very understanding and caring person. Good way to be! Sometimes that can get in the way of the work you are required to do. It takes courage to get people to do things and courage if you've taken on the role you think they would have. But it is as it is - you are the supervisor. So I'd really love to see how you can make a go of it.

About guilt - that's a difficult one. There are many things in our lives that make us feel guilty. It is totally unfair, unjust and unwarranted. My personal preference is to try to look at these feelings and to look at my thinking behind them. Then challenge those feelings to help me try and change my behaviours. I'm not always successful, I think mainly because I don't realise what's happening. But you obviously are aware, so maybe challenge those stories you tell yourself about how guilty you are. Be the devils advocate - don't accept the stores. Push through them.

I saw my new psych today. I think I'll get on well with him. This doesn't mean I'm not going to have to dredge up some of my past. I have to do this in order to move on. Don't you just hate it. But I do feel so much better afterwards. We're already working on strategies for moving forward so this is good for me. I need a structure because I'm not always that good at finding on myself.

Again, thanks for dropping in and asking how I'm going. The biggest hugs to you Karen.

[Guest8901]

Hi Pamela, also Karen, Mary and Labradoodle,

I've had a quiet few days this week, trying to sort things out in my own head. Its been difficult.

I can relate a lot to whats been said here, especially around the feelings of guilt, but also shame and self hatred. And then I have periods where I go into a stage where I just feel completely numb emotionally. Almost like all the emotions within me have been spent and there just isnt anything left. Is that normal do you think?

Pamela I'm pleased to hear that your psych visit yesterday went well, and that you feel you're a good fit. Shame about having to rehash a lot of things again. I think you'd hoped that would not be necessary? Oh well, provided the end result is better, then I guess it will be worth it.

I have my 2nd psych apt next Thursday, where she said she'd give me a diagnosis and we would discuss treatment options. A worrying time.

Amanda