Sharing strategies to help with PTSD

[PamelaR]

One of my biggest learnings has been - PTSD is not like a broken arm. When you break your arm, it mends. PTSD is with you for life. It took me ages to recognise that I'd been triggered. Some of the simplest things - like going to the shopping centre at the beginning of winter and seeing the multi-colour shirts - red, blue, black squares. The hardest part for me is identifying the trigger because the pacing heart, the sweats, the panic, the fear doesn't happen immediately. It happens after I walk out of the shopping centre.For the first few years after being diagnosed with PTSD I was hell bent on identifying the trigger. Now - I don't worry. I simple accept I'm triggered - do my breathing, relaxation to beautiful music, write down my feelings and emotions, talk with my husband. Let him know I've been triggered. Most times my cats won't come near me while I'm working through a 'phase', but they certainly know when I've come out the other side. They come and give me lots of comfort and love. The down side of how I manage is to drink alcohol - to stop the feelings and emotions. It doesn't work, but it helps go to sleep. I'm not recommending drinking as a strategy!!

I have had 2 excellent psychologists that helped me. It's important to find someone other than those close to you to talk to. One was very good at helping me identify what was happening - e.g. being super alert, wanting to save or please people. Recognising these things helped to build better relationships with my work colleagues and my friends. I have conversations in my head - oh, you just want to please because something has frightened you. Then I say - you're okay, you're safe, you can say what you need to.

Basically, the strategy of self talk in a challenging way - I challenge what I'm doing, what I'm thinking. But I also recognise the little girl who screams out when things happen and comfort her. Very important to know she hurts terribly and needs comfort. The comfort she never received as a child.

[PamelaR]

Hi Karen

Continuing on....

How am I going to get past this next visit, I haven't written anything down?... No worries at all I'm sure. You'll need to talk about how you've been so she'll understand. Writing down your feelings is difficult. Mainly because if you're anything like me, you're not really sure about what feelings are because they have been so disrupted through childhood. The psychologist should understand and should help you to untangle the threads of your emotions, to help you identify your emotions and what you're feeling.

As time goes by (this doesn't happen overnight, 2 weeks, 1-2 months) you'll start to recognise and distinguish between - the feelings of shame, guilt, anger, hate, love, sadness. With each of these emotions will come memories of what caused these intense feelings. At first the feelings are overwhelming, something like you are going through at the moment. It does get BETTER!! Please believe me. I didn't think I'd ever come through it. But I did. I'm here now passing on what I've learnt and experience on my 7-8 year journey.

Does it get easier the more you disclose or does it continue to hurt like hell, before it gets better? Sorry Karen, I would love to tell you it gets easier the more you disclose, but the reality is - it will hurt like hell before you get BETTER. Before you start to 'really' feel, to see, to taste, to smell, to hear - the love of the wonderful things around you - the flowers, the sun, moon and stars, a good curry cooking, the dog with its head on your lap. It is wonderful when you get there.

Something you mentioned, ...not functioning properly... This is something you should definitely talk about with your GP and psychologist. It may mean you are using up all your 'good' chemicals (e.g. serotonin) in your body that help you to function.

Hope some of this helps you. BTW - it's okay to cry and cry. You've had an incredibly difficult life and it is okay to acknowledge it. Breaking the silence is never easy....

With much care and kindness.

PR

[Ggrand]

Hello Pamela,

Thank you very much for your kindness in giving me some information,atm my brain is screaming no more Pysch visits, I'm really considering no more. I felt better hiding it all. At least that way I had some normal days, I'm not getting any now since last Pysch visit. I'm finding it hard to even get out of bed. I'm trapped in a mind that wants nothing to do with any of this anymore. My strategies are not working anymore...

Thank you again Pamela for your kindness. I really do appreciate it.

Kindness only,

Karen.

[White_Rose]

Hello Karen

You have started your journey to wellness and like all such journeys it is hard and often painful. It it were easy then we would all be dancing and singing. Actually that's not a bad idea, lets sing and dance our way to mental health.

I know it's hard to walk into the psych's room and talk about even one part of your hurt. And then you leave with even more questions than you had to start with. Who wants to put themselves through that? None of us except that's the way to wellness. Let me tall you something about myself.

Yesterday afternoon I called my psychiatrist's after hours number and as luck would have it, she was the one on call. We talked about the thoughts whirling round in my brain and how it is all complicated by my (physical) pain and the need for me to take the pain prescription pills regularly to keep the pain under control. It really was helpful.

Her last comment was about my coping ability. She said I needed to keep in mind that I had come far, especially in the past year, and to keep in touch with that part of me that can endure, can go to my respite activities, can see there will be an end to all the crap. I am sure I am not putting it as well as she did. But it did bring me to a place where I can acknowledge I have strengths and need to rely on them more.

I believe you have strengths in you to move on, get over obstacles and keep going. You have done so much since we met you and that is so inspiring to others who are afraid of asking for help and don't know how to cultivate their resilience. You are living proof you can reach your goals.

Tomorrow is Tuesday and I wish you all the best going to the shop as usual. Please go and look the world in the face and tell yourself you are strong. We would all like to stand beside you but we cannot do this. We are however with you in spirit and when you return home there will be an enormous cheer from your supporters.

Please tell us how you went.

Mary

[PamelaR]

Hello Karen

What a lovely post from Mary (White Rose). I can truly see why she is a Community Champion. To be honest Karen, I have nothing I can add to her post. And also ask that you - tell us how you went.

Thank you Mary for responding to Karen. Beautifully put.

PR

[Ggrand]

Hello Mary, Pamela,

Thank you for your gentle post Mary,

Im not sure what's going on with me over the last few days but ever time I read something someone has said nice about me I'm just totally loosing control of my tears. I don't understand that.

The shop?..hmmmm. I wasn't going to go in Mary, It's been really tormenting me about how I done wrong, It's just me I suppose, anyway after reading your post, out of the huge respect I have for you I will go in. I know I'm in the front of the shop serving again tomorrow, it will be hard, I can only try, as you both asked I will let you know how I go.

I hope you are both well. It took me nearly all day to respond here. Today I'm just totally confused with my emotions running high.

Kindness only.

Karen.

[PamelaR]

Hi Karen

Mary does have a way with words that are soothing. Love it completely Mary.

I'm not so soothing, though, I'm okay with how i write. It's taken me a long time to be okay with it. I live in hope of learning even more as I grow older!! Interestingly, I told my husband what I've said here and I can see he's kind of hiccuped. He is my moderator. I grew up in a family who spared little on nicely said things. But I continue to learn. His family is awesome. Love them all to bits.

Cheers

PR

[Ggrand]

Hello Pamela,

You are so wrong there, your words do soothe me when I read them, you made me understand what I'm up for, and I like honesty over anything else.

You are doing a fantastic job here, and I enjoy reading your posts so much, because they are both helpful and calming. Please don't think any different.

Kindness only,

Karen

[PamelaR]

OMG Karen. Thank you!! It means a lot to know that you find my words pleasing and understanding. Thank you!

Also glad you find the information useful.

Will be there with you tomorrow in spirit holding your hand. xxxx

[White_Rose]

Dear Karen and Pamela

Hope it's OK to reply to both in one post.

Thank you for your lovely words. It makes me feel good to know I have helped someone.

Have you ever watched a film where it seemed the main characters are doomed to being hurt, frustrated, losing the one they adore, or any similar theme? Then at the end they get together with a happy ever after ending. What do most of do? We cry. We even describe films as a one, or two, or three hanky film.

I suspect that's what's happening with you Karen. You have not been accustomed to nice words, to compliments, to being helped. It can be overwhelming, in a good way, and we get emotional, just like the film. We cry because we are sad but also when we are happy. How many times has someone said, "I'm not really crying, I'm just happy". So that's what is happening to you. Crying helps relieve our emotions and being happy is a huge emotion.

Thank you for the compliment of respect. It really touched me and made me happy.

I believe you can manage this and have more control over the horse when you get back on. Remember, baby steps. So long as we keep trying we will get there. Perhaps someone should write a song about getting there and we can have it as our BB theme music. Yes? No?

With much admiration.

Mary

[PamelaR]

Thank you White Rose for taking the time to reply to Karen and my post. Absolutely okay to do it in the one by me. I'm never sure if there is a right or wrong way to do it here on BB.

I loved your analogy with watching movies that make you sad or happy and your response may be the same - shedding a tear. My own personal approach is a little different, I'm not sure I could cry at something that makes me happy. I'd be grinning from ear to ear.

I also think your idea about someone writing a song about getting there - for use as a BB theme music is great!!

Thank you White Rose!