Sharing strategies to help with PTSD

[PamelaR]

One of my biggest learnings has been - PTSD is not like a broken arm. When you break your arm, it mends. PTSD is with you for life. It took me ages to recognise that I'd been triggered. Some of the simplest things - like going to the shopping centre at the beginning of winter and seeing the multi-colour shirts - red, blue, black squares. The hardest part for me is identifying the trigger because the pacing heart, the sweats, the panic, the fear doesn't happen immediately. It happens after I walk out of the shopping centre.For the first few years after being diagnosed with PTSD I was hell bent on identifying the trigger. Now - I don't worry. I simple accept I'm triggered - do my breathing, relaxation to beautiful music, write down my feelings and emotions, talk with my husband. Let him know I've been triggered. Most times my cats won't come near me while I'm working through a 'phase', but they certainly know when I've come out the other side. They come and give me lots of comfort and love. The down side of how I manage is to drink alcohol - to stop the feelings and emotions. It doesn't work, but it helps go to sleep. I'm not recommending drinking as a strategy!!

I have had 2 excellent psychologists that helped me. It's important to find someone other than those close to you to talk to. One was very good at helping me identify what was happening - e.g. being super alert, wanting to save or please people. Recognising these things helped to build better relationships with my work colleagues and my friends. I have conversations in my head - oh, you just want to please because something has frightened you. Then I say - you're okay, you're safe, you can say what you need to.

Basically, the strategy of self talk in a challenging way - I challenge what I'm doing, what I'm thinking. But I also recognise the little girl who screams out when things happen and comfort her. Very important to know she hurts terribly and needs comfort. The comfort she never received as a child.

[Guest8901]

Oops, forgot to mention - I love your new profile picture. I was hoping you'd put a picture up, and you did!

Is it a water lily? My favourite colour, whatever it is.

Amanda

[PamelaR]

Hi Mandy

I've not been online for about 20 hours. Have just seen your post.

I know that feeling of a knot in your gut. Horrible. The rising and choking you may have to do with all that pain wanting to leave your body. Doesn't help you much because it's awful. I'd say you've been triggered by something. When this happens to me, I immediately focus on my breath. I visualise my breath entering through my nasal passage, focus on my breath entering my lungs, filling my lungs, holding that breath for a count of 5, then exhaling and focusing on breath as you breath out through the mouth(for a count of 5). I just keep that up. Ignore everything else that is happening to my body. Just focus on the breath. Once I feel a little in control, I then find some meditation music and visual pictures (do a google search). So I sit and listen, watch the pictures and breath (in for 5, out for 5. I also hold for 5 on the in and on the out).

When I've calmed a little, I then make sure my eyes are wide open (look about me) and say 'I'm safe, i'm in a safe place. I have nothing to fear.' Continuing breathing all the time. While it doesn't make all the panic diminish, it does help to feel like you're in control and not your body (body responses).

Why, why, why you ask. It could be any number of reasons. Something you saw on TV, the news, a smell, a sound. I can't watch or listen to the news anymore. It sets my body off.

I think for me, one of the big things I had to learn was - the body, the mind and the soul are all separate. Now this approach is not for everyone, but I have found, getting in touch with my soul can help to lessen the impact of my body and my mind's response to a trigger. While at first I tried and tried to identify the trigger (e.g. the why, why, why) - it's not always that easy. From readings i've done, it's more about accepting you have been triggered and working on how to manage those bodily responses. The why can happen later and it usually does for me.

[PamelaR]

Thank you Mandy for your lovely complement about my photograph.

Yes it is a water lily. If you look closely, it was a native bee buzzing around the top. The colours of nature a wonderful. It looks a purple / lilac colour I think. Yes, I can see by your profile photo (so, so cute) that is your colour too 🙂 Gorgeous isn't it.

[Guest8901]

Thanks so much Pamela for your advice. Yes, you're right about having been triggered. Because the psych apt Thursday had stirred up memories I wish I didnt have, I guess I was more vulnerable to triggers than I normally would be. Anyway all good, and I apologise for the over dramatic tone of my post. I am feeling a little better today thankfully. And I have rehearsed that breathing technique you gave me. It will come in handy for future occasions, of which I have no doubt there will be some. I expect my psych may provide tips on that sort of thing as well when I see her again? But I'm not sure.

Oh yes, I did notice the little insect on your water lily, but didnt know what it was until you said. Yes all shades of purple, lilac and mauve are my favourite colours. My profile pic depicts a pandora's box and trying to keep the lid closed on it. I liked it because firstly it reflects the name of my support thread, and secondly because it has my favourite colours in it.

Thanks again Pamela.

Amanda

[PamelaR]

No worries Amanda. Pleased you were able to reach out and that you're feeling a little better. Yes, I would imagine your appt did raise some pretty horrible stuff you don't want to know about.

I didn't think you were over dramatic! I was a little concerned that you were okay. But that is good!! I love your analogy of 'opening pandora's box' or more to the point, 'not wanting to open it'. When the lid has been lifted it is hard to close it and hold it down tight. It is a process and hopefully your psych will talk you through what is happening. Write a list of things you want to know about. I could never remember when I had my appt, so I wrote lists. She didn't mind, actually she encouraged it.

I was triggered this week to. I applied for voluntary work and have to have a police check. I've never been in trouble with the police, however, my first husband (40 years ago) was a policeman. A very horrible person and when I had a police check done 20 years ago, my name came up as someone driving without a licence and a no show in court - in the suburb he was a policeman. So hence my current anxiety, however, I've talked it over with friends and my current husband so the anxiety is reduced somewhat. Though the waiting for the results does get to me.

I really love the colours of your profile - beautiful shades. And the young girls sitting on the box holding the lid down tightly.

Thank you for letting me know a little about your thread. Can you tell me which forum it is under. I saw it when I first started my own, but I couldn't find it last night when i was looking (just in case you were reaching out again). You rock Amanda. I'm so pleased to see you progressing.

PR

[Guest8901]

Thanks Pamela. Your support means a lot right now. My personal support thread is in the Long Term Support section.

Yes, the pandora's box analogy is very apt. I'm already starting to wish I hadnt started to lift that lid. But I also keep telling myself that its best in the long run.

Sorry to hear about your triggering event this week too. How awful, and how upsetting it must have been to find that out. Glad talking it over with trusted loved ones, has reduced the anxiety somewhat. All will be well in the end. And hey, good on you for applying to do some voluntary work. I really hope it works out for you.

Amanda

[White_Rose]

Hello Pamela

Thank you for the quote (below) from your first post.

But I also recognise the little girl who screams out when things happen and comfort her. Very important to know she hurts terribly and needs comfort. The comfort she never received as a child.

I find I am unable to read this thread. I tried but it was too much. I am, however, extremely pleased that you started it. Maybe when I get though my current whatever it is I can read and catch up.

I can see why you have been given the Valued Contributor award. Great stuff.

Mary

[PamelaR]

Hello Mary

Thank you so much for your kind words - I can see why you have been give the Valued Contributor award. Great stuff.

The time people take to read and to make comments is truly appreciated. It makes it worthwhile. So thank you.

It must be hard for you at the moment if you are unable to read the post at the moment. As you say leave for some other time. What I can suggest though is - you don't have to read all that. If you can give me an idea about what is troubling then I could focus on giving some coping strategy I've used without going into my own experiences if you like. Have a think and let me know.

PamelaR

[Ggrand]

Hi Pamela,

Im sorry it taken a while for me to thank you for your post to me, I have been trying to read your thread for a couple of weeks now. So much I can relate to but also so much that triggered me while reading through.

One question if I may...Two weeks ago this coming Tuesday I had a Pysch app. Which I kept..It was the first time I disclosed a small part of my life to her.. I have not stopped crying ..and best way to say it I'm sorry " hating me" She asked me to write out some of what I went through with my childhood and hubby, and we will tackle it that way, I can't write it out, It's been nearly 2 weeks, I'm constantly in tears, can't function properly and my next app. is Tuesday week, I haven't gotten over the other visit, haven't written anything down.. how am I going to get past this next visit.. Does it get easier the more you disclose or does it continue to hurt like hell, before it gets better? Sorry it's more then one question,

Kindness only,

Karen..

[PamelaR]

Oh hi Karen (Grandy)

So pleased you've dropped in. It's difficult when things you read trigger you. It's hard to find the right words that will have the least impact. But I will try. I think you are so very very brave Karen. You have made the decision to not live the way you have for all these years. That takes a huge energy, effort, self will and courage. Great work!

Now, I'll try to look at some of the things concerning you:

Does it get easier......Eventually!! It does take a lot of hard work, loads of tears, loads of screaming, loads of pounding pillows.... To put it into perspective for you - what you experienced was a lifetime. The sitcoms, movies and books would have us believe things will change overnight for you. Unfortunately, the lifetime of pain can't be swept away like Samantha (Bewitched) does with the wrinkle of her nose. While it takes hard work, every day you will find some very small glimmer of hope/delight/goodness/ray of sunshine. It means holding onto these glimmers (e.g. some lovely stories you write in happy memories) with all your might during the bouts of 'crying'. I don't want to make you sadder, but i cried, cried, cried for months. All the angst, the pain and emotion stored in all parts of my body wanted to be finally released. I did think I was going crazy, but my GP, my psychologist and my husband helped me through. By giving me hope - it does get better!!! Doesn't feel like it now I'm sure, but believe me it WILL!!

When I was going through what you are currently experiencing, I was too afraid to disclose in BeyondBlue. I wish I had explored it then, like you are now and finding others who experienced trauma and their experiences in healing. It is so good to see such an amazing group of people who give so willing of their time to help, assist, encourage and help empower others. It is wonderful.

You're doing amazingly Karen. I'm so pleased to hear you went for 3 walks this week!! Fantastic. I wouldn't be to concerned about what happed in the shop. That could have happened to anyone. You're still a valued volunteer!!

I'll continue in the next post to answer some of your other questions.

Kind regards

PR