Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all,)

I am sitting here with you & thinking of you, my friend. I know your health can trigger your anxiety & fears, especially with how things are now, I can see why you’re feeling so scared....

Deep breath, lovely friend...deep breath...

I’m happy that I was able to take your mind off things briefly. I can only imagine the swirl of thoughts that were spinning in your mind...

Thank you for sharing part of your gardening world with me. I looked up every plant, & that is quite a breathtaking selection. I particularly liked Aruncus, as it reminds me of a winter wonderland. I also found the sea holly striking. Gorgeous choices!

I wonder how you chose.

Did you choose based on the qualities of each individual plant?

Or was it based on a cluster of qualities that they all shared/some other mental vision that you had of your garden?

I agree that Cassandra has good intentions in the novel. Her methods are extreme, & her communication style is abrasive, but she means well.

I remember her “Thou Shalts”, & I‘m sure she would find my lifestyle upsetting. I enjoy my worldly comforts, after all. So I’m sure this fictitious character would have plenty to say about my former trips to the nail salon (laughs). I would happily fill a bowl of popcorn, as I listen to her yell at me 😉

During down time this week, I might paint pictures on canvases where I have only painted the background. There is something soothing about the process....

I might also try guided movement meditations, which is inspired by dance. There’s a world famous American dancer, Galen Hooks, who teaches online. Basically she dances, & you mirror her movements 🙂

There’s always so much emotion in her dance, & I’m not talking about her movement meditations, but her choreography. There is pause & editing. She’s a technician, but moreover, a masterful storyteller.

I’m glad you decided to do a quick cupboard clean, rather than push yourself too hard. Gentle & easy does it, my friend...

It sounds as though the trapped feeling is starting to affect you too.I think being home all the time can start to take its toll. But you’re doing the right thing by staying home, my friend. I know it‘s hard though. I feel for you...I really do...

How are you feeling today, lovely friend?

You are in my thoughts & heart. I am sending my blessings of health, safety & love to you & all your cherished family members..

With love xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hi darling friend ❤

This will be a short one my friend, but i will be back.

I loved that you looked up all the plants i ordered! Youre so lovely to do that. I will tell you my modus operandi in my next post!

I reckon Old Cassandra would yell at pretty much any person not living in the organically grown grass tent that they wove by hand while singing some amazing chant to the universe! I adored and lold at your line "i would happily fill a bowl of popcorn and listen to her as she yells at me"!! !! Me too. I will empty the bowl of popcorn if you fill it.

I wanted to thank you for introducing me to Galen Hooks. I wanted to look up her movement meditations, they sounded intriguing, but then i got "hooked" on a whole bunch if her vids. Watched some Improv comps from new New York which i loved!!! Plus a bunch more videos, want to say more, but my brain has clocked off, because ...

I just found out my income will be virtually non existent as of now, at least 80 - 100 % ... i felt it might be coming, but it's still a shock. The repercussions of this global crisis will continue to rock all the pockets of the world for a long time to come.

More later, sending love.

🌻b xo

[Birdy77]

I am so sorry.

I meant to ask how your Monday was, with everything going on.

Did you work from home today?

Sorry, it was a full on day, and I'm feeling a bit dazed by it and it made me a bit wraooed up in my own crap.i am really sorry.

I hope you have managed to have an ok day in the midst of all of that is happening ❤

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

My lovely friend, you have nothing to apologise for. You’ve been here for me, listened to me & supported me more times than I can count.

If you want to come here to unload some emotions or vent, you are welcome any time. Free rein as I’ve said before. I care & want to know about both your ups & downs. You have a friend in me.

My heart breaks for your income loss. That is absolutely devastating news. I’m so, so sorry, my friend. Of course you’re feeling shaken & worried by the turn of events. I would be too if it was me...gentle hugs

How will you & your little family manage?

You don’t have to answer if you don’t want of course 😉

Thank you so much for caring, especially when you have a lot to think about. My Monday was stressful, but with the way things are now, to be able to work is a blessing. I was physically at work yesterday, & same today, as I couldn’t work from home those days...

Sigh, I have a couple of offline friends who became unemployed overnight. Thankfully, in Australia, we have a safety net from the government.

But obviously they would prefer to work. It’s not just about money, even though money is important, but jobs are also about people’s identities....it really is horrible what has been happening in the economy...

I’m so glad you’re hooked on Hooks’ dancing. Personally, I recommend looking up her choreography for River, which is a simple dance but with a lot of attitude. Another world famous dancer, Stevie Dorie, does a very powerful interpretation of it!

Tempting as the organically grown grass tent sounds, I might leave that for other people 😉 I’m happy you’re volunteering to help me demolish the popcorn as I am yelled at. Company is welcome.

I look forward to hearing more about your plants & garden...always interested in hearing about your passions, my friend.

I want you to know that I’m here for you. It isn’t all about me. I’m interested & care about what is going on in your life too, my friend.

How are you holding up today, lovely friend?

With love. You are in my thoughts and heart xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hi sweets,

I hope your day is going ok. I imagine it's stressful. I think stressful is basically the new normal, for all.

So, so sorry to hear about your friends losing their jobs - again, that's going to be the new normal for a while. How awful.

I did watch River yesterday, i really liked it - and i agree, it's powerful - i am in awe of their work in heels!! Incredible. I watched some Freestyle roulette and some others which i want to talk to you about eventually.

Have you tried any movement meditations yet? I am going to.

I am feeling a bit flat this afternoon (which you can probably pick up on), after a bit of an anxious day. Thing is, we're ok. We will be alright, we will manage. We are fortunate enough to have savings to fall back on, mrs b still has her job and there's very little chance of that changing, so we're the lucky ones.

So many petty things fall away during crises, or when we are met/confronted with our mortality or even the limits of our normality/ok-ness. I typed a whole other paragraph about this, but i deleted it, i might just leave it til another time, i am starting to feel a bit emotional.

Wishing you lightness, safety and love.

Be well darling friend.

❤

🌻b xo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

Gentle hugs. Yes, you do sound as though you’re feeling a little flat. I think that’s understandable after a weekend of elevated anxiety.

I suppose now is a little like a wind-down feeling, so it’s no wonder you’re feeling flat...sigh, these are rough times, my friend.

I’m very relieved that you & mrs b will be okay though. Your savings & her job sounds as though it will give you both some much needed stability during this difficult time.

I think financial stability makes an enormous difference...I know your income loss is still very upsetting & a shock to the system, but at least you’re both financially okay for now...

It’s still not easy of course, & your feelings of loss are still very valid, raw & understandable, my friend...

You clearly have a lot on your mind...a reflective mood. I don’t know what you were thinking, but I suppose difficult circumstances can really make us clarify our priorities. Life is fragile...

I think River is one of her most beloved dances worldwide. I love how each dancer showed off his or her own flair 🙂

Yes, her freestyle roulettes can be really interesting to watch. I loved their improv in freestyle roulettes... freedom, skill & artistry.

Thank you, lovely friend. Sigh, I’m sad for my friends, but it’s of course sadder for them, as they are the ones who lost their jobs.

Some of them will be relying on Centrelink, plus savings, for now. It’s a grim reality for a lot of Australians.

The silver lining is it’s a temporary, albeit very difficult, situation, & that at least we have a safety net here...we will get through this. Eventually.

Thank you so much for the well wishes. They are gratefully accepted.

I’m endlessly grateful for employment, as it’s “hard times”. But I was frustrated with a colleague who really should have taken sick leave. She exposed a lot of people to her dry cough yesterday.

I read about a nurse losing her job (a nurse?!). Surely, we need nurses more than ever now & they can be retrained if need be. I just don’t understand...how is it that a nurse doesn’t have a job, & I have one? Makes no sense to me.

I haven’t yet tried her guided movement meditations. Perhaps later during the week or weekend. If you give it a go, I would to hear about your experience 🙂

How is your day looking, my friend?

I know you weren’t feeling very well last weekend. How are you feeling today?

I’m thinking of you, & sending well wishes of health, comfort & love xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hello my friend,

That is absolutely dreadful that their was a colleague at work who was coughing! I hope she was sent home!! That is just very basic common sense in these times, you stay home if you have any kind of sickness or symptoms of anything that could be a cold or a flu or whatever it's as simple as that. I think you can be fined even. Absolutely infuriating.

I am very, very stressed my friend, i am frustrated and upset and feel powerless and all sorts of things. I actually had a cry, which felt good, and i just had a quick chat with my friend (finally) and it was good to talk and feel validated from an outside perspective.

I know i am in a much more secure position than many others, but i am worried my good nature is being taken for granted in this situation i really, really hope not, but i am waiting to hear back by email about what's going on and I'm getting really agitated and feeling edgy as anything.

I need to go put some music on, move my body, do something, I'm feeling like crap.

Talk to you soon.

❤

🌻b xo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

It’s okay, my lovely friend...just let it out. Allow yourself that...I am here listening & care very much about you.

Even though it’s absolutely awful to feel this way, you’re allowed to feel frustrated & upset & powerless. You’re entitled to your own emotions, my friend. You really are...

I think you probably needed a good cry. A release. I’m so very glad you were able to talk to your friend, & felt heard & validated...

You’re right, of course it’s not okay to have someone take advantage of your good nature & kindness, even if you’re in a secure position. That’s not okay.

I’m not sure what has happened, my friend, but I hope the email at least gives you some indication about your situation...

Deep breaths, lovely friend. Deep breaths...I can feel your anxious spiral, which is of course understandable.

I think music sounds like a wonderful idea. Maybe you can dance freestyle to it, or even try a guided movement meditation if you’re feeling up to it...

I’m not sure what has happened exactly, but I’m here with you...

Thinking of you & holding out my hand of friendship to you...

Sending hope, love & feelings of grounding xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hey there beautiful friend,

Thank you so very much for being here for me.

It was so comforting and i feel so supported by your words and your friendship.

Nothing has changed with my situation since yesterday, so i am just riding it out, and waiting.

As you said in your 30seconds thread, today's up and downs are today's up and downs. Thank you for that ❤

How are you today? Are things going ok for you in your day? Are you able to work from home today?

I just wanted to say thank you so much for being you.

I will come and talk to you a bit later, just wanted to say thanks 😘

❤

🌻b xo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

I am continuing to listen & I care very much about you, lovely friend. I’m glad my words gave you some comfort during this very stressful & uncertain time for you.

I imagine waiting is hard. I feel the unknown can be scary & unsettling....

Would you like to share what has been troubling you, my friend?

There’s no pressure of course, but I am listening if you want to unload some of your troubles or vent.

I admire your resolve to try to just take things day by day...gentle & easy does it, my friend...gentle & easy does it...

Day by day...no more, no less...

Thank you for caring, my friend. I’m feeling a little emotional. I want to cry but I can’t...my tears feel trapped lately...I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed. But I suppose almost all of us feel that way...

Yes, I can work from home today. I can do a partial work-from-home arrangement, but I still need to go in some days because of the nature of my work. I have learnt that I’m much less productive at home, as I’m more prone to distractions (laughs).

I have continued to sketch/draw throughout the week during down time. I’ve also started to roughly sketch a picture on a canvas (previously painted the background already). I’ll go over the picture with paint & add details when I’m done. It’s a creative outlet for me & calms the mind.

I am thinking of you & my hand of friendship is always extended.

Come here to talk any time you like, my friend. I’m here with you...

With love xoxox