Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

My lovely friend, I’m holding my hand out to you...I’m really sorry about your mum’s news, especially considering how things are at the moment...

I feel that must be so scary, worrying and even anxiety inducing for you...a big & comforting hug from me...

You’re absolutely gorgeous, kind & caring to check on me when I can’t imagine that you’re feeling great yourself. First the wildfires then the virus, & now, sigh, your mum’s news...

It’s a lot, my friend...it really is...you’re in my heart & thoughts...

I’m glad some of your friends are able to work from home though. Yes, city public transport is typically packed with people, but it should be quieter now with all the new policies in place...

Thank you, my friend, I’m stressed & worried. At the moment, everything is still up in the air. I can work partially from home, but not completely. Ratio is about 4:6 (office to work-from-home) This may change, but nothing is certain these days...

My work helps vulnerable people, so if any one of them contracts the virus, suffice to say it is very worrying for all of them. Never in a million years did I think that I would play a role in screening/monitoring access to particular services & turning people away (but towards alternative arrangements) if they showed certain symptoms to protect both our clients & frontline staff.

So I’m quite stressed (laughs)...

I’m also upset with some of my family members & friends who are disregarding social distancing advice. Their intentions aren’t malicious, but I don’t think they quite understand the seriousness of the situation...

But on a lighter note, I managed to draw last weekend. I got quite into it, & that was soothing & rewarding 🙂

I also started reading a little of Come to the Edge. Very trippy! The character, Cassandra, is something else.

I suppose her way of life is very minimalist & environmentally friendly, but also very extreme. So is her thinking...she is interesting...

I am sending love to you, mrs b, and your parents (especially your mum).

I hope, despite all the fear & sadness, that there are tiny moments of comfort in your garden, stirring a pot of food in the kitchen, enjoying a film with mrs b, reading a book or cuddling your boys & chooks.

With love xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hi gorgeous friend and all reading ❤

Grandy, i meant to say also that i know you must be so worried about your dil, & i am so sorry she is going through this, with young kids & at such a young age, it's heartbreaking 😥

My friend, things sound really stressful for you, it's no doubt you are feeling frazzled & worried. All this new, unchartered territory with your work, and how difficult it must be to be monitoring the situation & having to come up with alternative solutions for clients must be incredibly challenging & stressful.

I am glad to hear that you have been able to work from home around 60% of the time for now, this may change i know - i am thinking of you, &hope that you are finding ways to wind down &stay ok outside of work.

It's so good to hear that you got to do some drawing last weekend, and managed to lose yourself in that! Wonderful.

You started a little of Come To The Edge as well! It is so out there isn't it?! Cassandra and her beloved thunderbox.

Well that's it for the library &2nd hand books online for the moment unfortunately. Such weird times hey.

It is sooo frustrating hearing of people not taking the social/physical distancing seriously, i can understand how annoyed you would be feeling with certain family members. mrs b's dad is the same, so blasé, i heard her almost yelling at him on the phone last night. My parents are being more cautious thankfully, just a worry with them having to be out & about right now, getting treatments & such when it would be better for them to be home.

Have you been trying any recipes? I made a bolognese sauce today loaded with plants (onion, garlic, mushies, grated zucchini &carrot, lentils, noochy, dijon mustard, herbs, liquid smoke, v. worcestershire sauce, miso paste, v. stock powder) had it with spaghetti for lunch, mrs b is home today.

How are you feeling today?

Sending love ❤

🌻b xo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

Thank you, as always, for making time for me. You are so appreciated, & I really am grateful for your friendship. I think it’s important to never take people for granted. Thank you...really & truly...

Sigh, yes, it is a strange time in the world. Feels almost surreal...

Your plant based spaghetti bolognese sounds so good! So much love & care went into your bolognese sauce. I love how you loaded it with veggies, many of which I’m guessing are from your garden. Also, I your miso, mustard & worchestershire sauce must have added new dimensions of flavour!

I’m happy that you were able to share lunch with mrs b. It must have been nice to share a meal together 🙂

It’s a shame about libraries, but I also understand why, & as horrible as it is, I’m glad it is being done. I love books, but right now, slowing the spread is much more important...

You must be so relieved that your parents are being cautious. Although, I know you must still be worried. Ideally, they would be home all the time, but that is sadly not possible...I hope they stay safe. That is my wish for them.

Sigh, mrs b must be frustrated & worried about her dad too. Hopefully, after maybe a few more conversations with him, it will sink in.

Looks like quite a few people are worried about their parents...

Thank you so much for the well wishes, lovely friend. The current situation is unprecedented. We make new decisions daily, but it’s constantly evolving...

It will be a miracle if no one at work is infected. We are doing what we can, but of course, there are no guarantees...here’s hoping though

A friend suggested that we could maybe hang out 1-to-1 or in small groups. I immediately vetoed that idea (laughs) & explained why we shouldn’t be doing that.

The reality is you don’t always know if you have it. Some people are even asymptomatic, but are still infectious...if, say, 1 of 2 friends meet & 1 has it, you’ll give it to the other. Then that 1 friend goes to the supermarket, & infects someone else unknowingly. Then that cashier spreads it to a colleague. On it goes....

Sounds paranoid, but it’s not. We should not be taking risks in this climate. Think I managed to convince him (laughs) 😉

I haven’t been cooking much. Just been feeling sad & overwhelmed...

Come to the Edge is really interesting! Yes, Cassandra is very memorable.

How have you been holding up in all of this?

Are you gardening much & have you made art as you were planning to?

With love xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hello Sweets ❤

No, that's not paranoid *at all* !! It's what we should all be doing!!

Yesterday evening, mrs b and i were having a wine in the front garden while the boys played, and we heard the next door neighbour's gate (she cones over sometimes if she hears us out there of an evening). We looked at each other and said with our eyes "we're going to have to stymie this!" but she had a chair with her and she sat on the nature strip with her beer and we had a chat over the fence from 3m away 👍

Such weird times, but we all need to stay home and away from each other as much as possible. This is not a drill! Every little contact is a connection that makes things worse.

It is good to remind each othercthat at this time it is an act of love and care and consideration, every time you stay home.

It must be so worrying and strange for you at work - it is completely unprecedented.

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so sad and overwhelmed, bit know that you are not alone at all - we are totally all in this together.

I loved the piece you just posted from Danielle Koepke - it's so true. And I'm feeling it, you're feeling it, were all feeling it darling.

I have done a little gardening, got some more silverbeet seeds in and some more garlics. Wanted to go out and buy some sugar cane mulch, but have resisted, and will continue to resist. Making do with what i have at hand.

I haven't started any art yet ... but i rearranged aaalll the furniture and the house feels so fresh and lovely. I finished an application for council today to install a new woodheater, this is something that's been on my to do list for so long, finally shifted the energy around me to enable me to do this.

I will come and talk more.

Love ❤❤❤❤

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

Thank you for understanding where I’m coming from, my friend. That means a lot.

You’re right. This is not a drill. This is the real deal, & our collective actions will determine the final outcome...

I’m happy that you & mrs b are following social/physical distancing advice. I think you’re doing the right thing 🙂

It must have been worrying when your neighbour appeared. I’m glad she decided to keep her distance. Your evening wine out the front with the boys sounds so relaxing...

I agree that staying home as much as possible is an act of love for each other, especially our most vulnerable.

I’m glad the quote resonated. I like how she expressed how it’s okay to feel our feelings. That there isn’t always a great lesson to be learnt during difficult times...that sometimes it’s just about survival...I liked that she was realistic.

Well done on resisting the temptation to go out to buy sugar mulch 🙂 Perhaps you can order it online.

Your edible garden sounds like it’s coming along nicely. I love silverbeet, & I’m happy you’re planting your garlics now. Garlic adds flavour to so many dishes.

Your rearranged furniture makes your home sound so inviting- free makeover!

I actually didn’t know what is a woodheater, so had to look that up (laughs). I’m still not sure that I understand what it does so to ask a silly question: what does a woodheater do?

I have come to accept our current predicament. I will not be seeing my friends/family for a while...for everyone’s safety & health.

I postponed a non-urgent appointment with a health specialist, as I was worried about the close contact involved. I also won’t be getting a professional mani-pedi or going to the hairdresser for a while.

DIY now 😉

This is the new world order (laughs)....

A friend & I had a lovely FaceTime chat this week, & I will be FaceTiming another friend tonight. Does it replace face-to-face contact? Absolutely not, but the way things are now, we must be adaptable (Sighs).

I have continued to draw in my down time. I also sometimes colour if I’m feeling unsettled, as that calms my mind a little.

Holding a hot drink in my hand is soothing too. But sometimes the most calming thing is just sitting with my feelings.

Will you be venturing into the garden more, & do you have more fun activities or self care planned this week?

Thank you for making time for me. Thank you for choosing to be here & for being my friend 🙂

With love xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hello lovely friend ❤

I am so happy to hear that you've been draeing in your down time - that is wonderful that you've been able to tap into your creative wavelength and be there with it. What a source of richness for your soul during a pretty bleak and strange time. Your colouring sounds peaceful - do you have a favourite colouring book?

Happy FaceTiming tonight with your friend 😃 i know it's not the same as getting together in person, but it's better than nothing, & fun to see each other via the screen.

I think there's generally a bit of confusion out there, a lot of it is to do with the mixed messages we are receiving i think. Like we hear "stay at home unless you absolutely must go out for essentials like food or medical attention" & then we hear that hairdressers are still open for business? In what world would a haircut or colour/style be an essential or emergency for which we absolitely must leave the house? It makes no sense.

Yep, DIY is the way to go right now. I do my own hair anyway, have for years & years, i have a short pixiecut so it's easy. I have been kind of growing it out a bit lately, trying out some different twistie/braidy things for short hair from pinterest. It is frustrating me a bit at the moment, so i tie a scarf most days. "In iso" is a pretty good time to try growing it though i figure!

I agree, i love the way Danielle Koepke says that we don't have to draw any big lessons etc - it's ok to just feel what we feel, & just purely survive this weirdness. That's all we need to do.

Yes i really wanted to go out for some gardening supplies, & i hear of others going & buying up all the seedlings etc, but i can't justify it for myself. Happily for me, one of my compost bins is ready for emptying, i checked this morning &was thrilled to see it is full of dark, rich compost, ready for the garden. How lucky am i?!

So i think that's what I'll be up to today, & i have a chat on the phone with a friend lined up for some time today - she has kids home so she's been busy with the homeschooling, so we shall squeeze in a cuppa & a chat when she can get a break.

Oh, the application is for a new fireplace (wood heater, wood burning stove, slow combustion heater, all meaning the same thing basically).

I hope you have an ok day my friend. Here with you.

❤

🌻b xo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

Congratulations on your full compost bin. I love your excitement! It sounds like you will have a busy day in the garden. How nourishing for you...

How about online shopping for gardening supplies, as you’re clearly very tempted to re-stock?

I hope you enjoy your chat with your friend. She sounds very busy, & I imagine home schooling is very stressful at times.

Thank you for explaining about the wood heater. One item down on you to-do list! Well done 🙂

Sigh, yes, I’m grateful for technology that allows things like FaceTiming. I miss my friends though. It’s really not the same in any way, shape or form.

But I think a lot of people are struggling with this side of things...when this is over, if I survive (laughs), I’m not coming home for a month!!!

Yes, the message is very inconsistent, & I think that’s a real issue. Some people, like me, will look up official state government advice, state health department advice, etc for clarification about covid-19.

But not everyone (understandably) knows to do that. So if someone relies purely on the media or politicians for advice then it can be really confusing.

I remember you mentioning that you cut your own hair. The braiding & hairstyles that you’re experimenting with sounds fun! Your hair will be pretty long if you persist to grow it out.

I’m going to miss my visits to the beauty & hair salon. I enjoy the pampering, I must admit. But it’s a small thing to forgo in the grand scheme of things...

I’ll miss my friends & family more...that is still the hardest part.

I really don’t like being home this much. I still have to go to work some days & for essentials, but that’s it. I suppose many of us are struggling with being home & not being able to see friends/family/etc.

I like whimsical colouring designs, & somewhat detailed (but not overly elaborate). Fairies, woodland creatures, flowers, etc are things that I enjoy colouring.

I’m going to go do some work now...

I hope you enjoy gardening, & what weekend plans do you have?

I can tell you my weekend plans right now: practising social/physical distancing (laughs).

Thank you for being here.

With love xoxo

[Birdy77]

Hello gorgeous friend,

How is the physical distancing practice going? I know you are finding it very difficult and frustrating, i hooe that over time it sort of becomes easier, rather than harder (which i imagine is how you might feel it will become).

I know it's very different & difficult for you as it is for many. It's easier for me because i am a homebody.

Ha, you'll stay out for a month after this is over! Oh, meant to say, how lucky are you that you didn't go ahead & start seriously planning/booking that trip to France that you were contemplating?!

Did you get to have some nice FaceTimes over the last couple of days?

I missed out on my catch up with my friend, she had a crazy week with the way everything went & ran out if time. 2 of her kids ordinarily attend school, so it was a big change for her, having them at home & homeschooling them, as it has been for lots of parents no doubt. I will catch up with her next week.

I am feeling really unwell today, not sure exactly what's going on, but am laying low all day. I had a snooze earlier & feel slightly better.

Yesterday i did some stuff in the garden, and a friend was able to get my mulch for me as he was getting supplies from the hardware for his job. I ordered some plants online as well, so i am looking forward to that.

I like the sound of your colouring pictures. I have one little book that is mostly patterns, i might dig that out, haven't done that for ages.

I was going to start cleaning all the kitchen cupboards today, but have just felt yuck. I might start that this afternoon. Our dishwasher caused a big problem a week or so ago, leaked all through the back of the cabinetry and into the dining area - I'm really worried it's all damp & yuck underneath & have visions if it falling through the kitchen floor to the earth below! I have a friend who is a builder & his job is uncertain from this week on, so i am going to ask him to pull the dishwasher out - hence me making sure the kitchen cupboards all look sparkly cos he'll be up close & personal with them!

Did you get to do any art this weekend?

Sending love ❤

🌻b xo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

Lovely friend, you don’t sound as though you’re feeling too well at all. I hope you’re not getting sick or coming down with something. What you’re experiencing doesn’t sound pleasant at all...

I’m relieved a nap helped a little though. But I think it’s a good idea that you’ve tried to be somewhat gentle with yourself today...I hope you don’t push yourself too hard the next few days...

The leakage from the dishwasher sounds frustrating & stressful, especially during a time like this. I think it works out that you have a friend who is a builder...

I feel bad for him though. Job losses, reduced hours & uncertainly is affecting so many. People’s livelihoods...I completely understand why some industries need to temporarily close, but it can’t be easy when you still have bills to pay or kids to feed.

My friend, I know you’re very house proud & I know that your home is your sanctuary. But, considering you’re not feeling well, can you maybe just give your cupboards a quick clean, instead of a deep clean? I say that out of concern for your health, my friend.

Thank you so much for the words of caring & checking in on me. I’m diligently & responsibly practising physical/social distancing, but not enjoying it (laughs).

Yes, I was able to connect through FaceTime. I’m grateful for various technologies. What can I say? It has to do for now...

I’m sorry the call didn’t work out. I suppose this is a stressful time for both of you. Your household issues, etc & her homeschooling. I hope you can catch up next week 🙂

I did some drawings, which was nice, but stopped when a wave of claustrophobia hit. I take comfort that this won’t be forever...

I continued reading Come to the Edge. I don’t necessarily agree with the character, Cassandra, & her methods, but I admire her conviction.

I don’t think she’s necessarily wrong in some of her observations about people & society. I suppose her weakness (& strength) is she can’t compromise. Her anger is black & white. She’s always “right”, plus the small number of people she deems “righteous”, & everyone else is “wrong.”

I’m happy you were able to spend some time in your garden & I’m excited for your mulch & plant delivery.

Can I ask, what plants did you order?

Will you be able to rest a little this upcoming week, my friend?

Thinking of you, & hoping you start to feel better soon.

With love xoxox

[Birdy77]

Thank you beautiful friend,

I do not feel good - i have been feeling some anxiety start to ramp up the last hour or so. Things like "i need to update my Will" . ... feeling shaky and thoughts going to worst scenarios. I was glad to get your message, i found it calming.

Yes do not worry, it will not be a deep clean - just a quick once over 😉

I am glad you got to spend some time drawing, but totally understand the claustrophobia, even I'm kind of feeling hemmed in. This ill feeling is not helping.

Yes i will tell you what plants i ordered, some i had never heard of:

Aruncus Zweiweltenkind
Narines - Winter Cheer
Sea Holly - Oxford Blue
Dutch Iris - Discovery Sky
Himalayan Windflower
Miniature Daffodils Tete a Tete
Queen Fabiola
Allium Purple Rain

They are on the Tesselaar website if you want some plant eye candy 😊

Yes Cassandra is extreme to the max! I think she is basically philanthropic, but way over the top! I found Kavenna's writing style again really entertaining, and she captures the intensity really well. I had quite a few lolz, especially in the first half as the story was set up for us. Chapter 5 i thought was so funny. The whole Thou Shalts according to Cassandra and "you trashed the earth, that's how you made your delicious soup" ending. 😂 and i know what you mean, she's not necessarily wrong in her basic convictions, just maybe a smidgen extreme?!

Oh thank you sweets, you have distracted me from what ails me for a little while, i really appreciate it!

❤❤❤

🌻b xo