Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[demonblaster]

Lovely gentle Peppystar and Hi there our beautiful sweety tweety 🐥 who also is very loved thank you very much needed to hear that hun 🤗

Peppy I want to see you happy. Feel for you being emotional and confused awful isnt it when we can't define our feelings. I hope todays been brighter for you 🤗 One for you too tweety 🤗

You're a very compassionate understanding lady Peps you really are quality which is my go to gently remind you to look for your good points deary that are in abundance. I'm being very patient and spreading my nags out don't you think 😆

😀Oh Peppy maybe going to France. I think of it and get excited for you. Good on you a change can be food for the soul. Do you speak French? Nice to have something to look forward to, so happy for you ☺

Look after yourself hun you too beautiful tweety girl. (Watch dose puddy tats)

Love care and 🕊 to you both ☘⚘☘🐥🌱🤗

[startingnew]

Peps xoxo

🦋💌💜

[Birdy77]

Hello Friend 😊

Thank you for your patience and your friendship. You mean a lot to me.

I want to let you know that the messages you have sent me have meant so much, and I've written them down to remind me at different times, and they've been a huge comfort and also inspiring and helping me to keep on going.

I'm still groping in the dark a bit ... I haven't found my way free, but I am getting there. I thought I was going under for a bit there, but I think I'm going to survive.

I've just stalled, is all. I started drinking way too much, and that was pulling me under, really badly, I'm trying really hard to turn that around.

How are you gorgeous friend? I think of you often, daily, and wonder how you are. I am always here if you want to talk xoxo

I know I'm replying to stuff you wrote weeks ago, but I'm so excited for you, planning a trip overseas soon. France would be a beautiful country to visit. I travelled alone overseas in my twenties and I have no idea now how I did it. My mother did it for the first time when she was in her sixties ... I can only actually appreciate her courage now.

Travelling is such a wonderful expression of freedom. I hope you are able to make it happen.

While I think of it, did you look into seeing the Dr Goodall talks during that tour? I recently read a really interesting book, it's a work of fiction, you might (or might not) be interested: We're All Completely Beside Ourselves by Karen Joy Fowler. It's better if you go in cold, not knowing anything about it.

I had a bunch of stuff to tell you, but I can't remember it this second. Let's talk again soon ❤

🌻birdy xo

Loads of love to the bbffs, thank you both for your beautiful and kind words, you're amazing people, your strength and the beauty of your souls shine, even when you feel you are in the dark ... stay brave special ladies xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Wonderful DB: thank you for the encouraging and loving message 🙂 I know you’ve been struggling, so it makes your visits that much more special.

Sadly, no, I don’t speak French, but if I go, I think that I might learn some beforehand 🙂

I’m loving the four leaf clovers that you left me. Perfection xoxo

Darling Butterfly Wings: I’ve missed you! I’ve been worried about you, but I didn’t want to overwhelm you with too many posts on your thread.

I’ve seen mostly blue butterflies this year. Usually, blue ones are a rare sight for me, but I’ve seen 1-2 blue butterflies most weeks since the start of the year. They always make me smile 🙂

When I see a white butterfly, I always say a silent hello to you. Love always and “Dusk till dawn” xoxox

Dear friend/beautiful birdy: I’m so happy to hear from you, dear friend 🙂 I’ve missed you very much, but I’ve been respecting your need to retreat as I knew you were going through something, and may not have been able to talk much...

I’ve been quietly concerned about you, but didn’t want to push. I figured you needed to rest, reflect & heal at your own pace....but, as you know, I’m here for you if you want to share, vent, chat casually or even if you just need a distraction. Anything goes 😉

Also, I look forward to you sharing whatever it is you wanted to talk about, & I’m glad my little nudges gave you some small comfort...

Sigh,I understand about the alcohol...the promise of temporary & immediate relief can be alluring, even if we both know that long-term, it’s not so great. But I understand immediate relief overrides all when we are really struggling...

I’ve been having a very rough time. Things were bad...but I think that I’m slowly starting to come round. I’m getting there...you know that bit of steel that develops through adversity? I’m feeling that steel in my backbone...

What would have me once seething, I can (usually) face with a more level-headed approach now.That’s not to say that I don’t get upset/angry, but I pick my battles...save it for when it counts.

Yes, there is so much around us to see. Many faraway places to explore...your solo trip sounds like it was wonderful 🙂

Funny coincidence that you mentioned the Jane Goodall tour yesterday as I just saw a billboard ad about it- also yesterday. Maybe the world is giving me a hint. Lol.

Thanks for the book recommendation! Sorry, I couldn’t resist looking up the synopsis, despite your advice 😉

Yes, let’s talk again soon. Much love to you xoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello two beautiful lovely girls,

I’m just calling in to say hello and hope you are both doing better then okay...

Peppy..I loved reading that you have found some steel and using it to the best you can for your wellness...It’s good that you are starting to get some control over your anger and being upset over things that would normally make you to react quicker...

The world is a beautiful place Peppy, we just have to find that beauty in amongst all the darkness that people can cause us..

Im so excited about the trip your planning and if you do manage to be able to do that I hope you have a wonderful time because you so much deserve it...Please take your time and do the trip when you’re feeling able to do so...and you feel safe to enjoy yourself.💜..please be very kind to you Peppy, you’re one of those beautiful people who are very hard to find, and make a better difference to people lives...Thank you dear Peppy for being the gentle lovely person you are...

Birdy..,.Thank you for you beautiful words to me and my bbff, you touched my heart with your love and concern..Birdy hun, were all here for you to help you find your back into the light..Keep groping around beautiful, it’s their and I have faith that you will find your way back up...

I am not a drinker except for when I’m down really far, and it does help us to sleep and numb the pain until it leaves our system, then what we were trying to numb comes back in double/triple force with an added headaches and feelings of regret for drinking..I try so much now to use meditation to help me sleep...

I hope you both have a beautiful day today and you find some of the beauty that surrounds us daily..maybe take even 5 minutes to look at the clouds, feel the sun on your skins, listen to the gentle birds whistling, look at some colour flowers and maybe take time to smell them...but be careful of bees..we don’t want a bee sting in the nose...ouchy...

Im Wishing you both all the best and all the good things that this world has to after you...

Sending you both my love and some caring hugs..💜💜🤗🤗...

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Dear gentle Peppystar 🤗 hi everyone ☺

It really sads me knowing you've been doing it so hard and silently sweety lady. Although I understand going quiet or hard or not wanti g to talk about it but it also sads me because you're always there for us hun and I/we want to be for you too. But on saying that people have their own ways of coping. It's consuming isn't it, I'm so glad to hear you're finding your way out Peppy that's your inner strength kicking through.

Sounds too like you're making good progress in the picking your battle dept, not an easy task so kudos lovey 🤗 I know everyone will be a lot jealous cause you got an extra hug so we best keep that to ourselves 😄

I love you have something to look forward to and plan with your trip. I'm not sure whether theres an app out that you can talk into and translates to French. If not I've just invented one 😊 should be a multi millionaire the amount of inventions I think of but are already out lol

Thank you lovey and your very welcome. I hope you're finding time for your art and having some happies in your life darlin I really am sorry hearing you've been travelling hard.

I 🎨 an exquisite ☘for you and it sits on the top R) side of each page in a writing set I'm giving you and on the sealing point of the envelopes. Theres also stamps in this set also with ☘

Love and much care dear friend 🤗☘

Darling sweety tweety 🤗 the same goes for you sweety love when you're down I/we (sure others feel same) want to be here for you too but I get coccooning too its jyst you also bring so much love and light to us darl. Love you a lot too 🐥 Thanks so much sending yours to the bbff's it makes me feel special. Your beautiful don't ever doubt it girls. Big love to youse 🤗☺

It really does help, I'm as often as I think of it trying to remember happies and things I'm grateful for. The more goods we can have in our minds the less room for junk thoughts

Good days beautifuls, we deserve 🌱

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely people,

Gorgeous Grandy: your post made me smile. Thank you, lovely one 🙂 When I see clouds in the sky, I’ll think of you. Clouds for Grandy. Butterflies for Butterfly Wings.

Lol. I’m not entirely sure how the steel got there, but it did. I suppose, in a way, I was left with no choice (so to speak)...make or break.

Recently, I left a quote elsewhere about how we sometimes need to learn to exist in pieces. I suppose maybe that’s how the steel got there?

To patch up the pieces a little...or maybe the little pieces became steel? One way or the other...most days hurt, but I’ve just learnt how to carry pain. Exist in pieces...

I hope if you see a cloud in the shape of a lightning bolt, you’ll know it’s me sending my love and blessings xoxo

Wonderful DB: aren’t you also lovely to visit? Yes, it’s true that everyone copes differently. Some people like to talk, others like to retreat...it just depends, I suppose.

Thank you so much for being here for me. That means a lot 🙂

You’re right, there are probably apps to learn French. So many options these days for learning a new language. But your app will be the best! If you become a multi millionaire with your new inventions and apps, I’m assuming you wouldn’t mind sponsoring my trip overseas? Lol!

Thank you so very much. The writing set sounds beautiful. Handmade too, so it’s extra special. I love the four leaf clover theme...hope it brings the letter recipient some luck!

May you have many more blessed and grateful days xoxo

[Birdy77]

Lovely friend,

It makes me feel sad knowing that things have been so very tough for you all this time ... I am so sorry you are suffering, I am sending love and strength, although it sounds like that steel is growing stronger every day. You are a strong woman. Trust that the hurt you are enduring is growing you in exactly the ways you need right now.

It is a really healthy quality to be able to pick your battles, and I'm so glad that you have found a kind of equilibrium in situations that previously would have sent you seething. It's a good self-protection thing. Sometimes you just have to roll your eyes and walk away.

Hey, mrs b told me the other day about this study they did where they reckon you can learn a new language by listening to it through an app ir something while you sleep ... that must have been you Deebs, you clever amazing genius.

Yes I think the universe is telling you to go to the Dr Goodall talks, is it feasible for you?

You are such a naughty rebel, reading the synopsis of the book. Hopefully it didn't give too much away, there are a few reviews on Goodreads that have huge spoilers that I think would take away from it. Avoid those! Anyway, I think you would find it interesting but I will say no more.

Will you do something nice for yourself today? Take gorgeous Grandy's advice and do something just special for you. (Huge thanks to the bbffs as always, you really are beautiful souls).

I will be back to talk more with you, I am sorry I am not much chop at the moment, and my thoughts and words aren't flowing easily. But I am sending love.

🌻birdy xo

[Peppermintbach]

Dear friend/beautiful birdy (and a wave to all),

It means a lot that you’re here...I know how hard things have been for you, so your visits mean that much more. Thank you so much for reaching out, listening and being here, dear friend. You have a loving and generous heart...

On that note, please don’t apologise. There’s nothing to be sorry for, and you make perfect sense to me 🙂 I’m going to again gently suggest that you take your time with posts and replies ...look after yourself first. You’re very, very important to us...

Your lovely, mrs b, is certainly full of interesting knowledge. I might need to give the learning another language in my sleep theory a go. Lol. Good idea...

It’s more of a time consideration than anything else, as in whether I will be free for one of Dr Goodall’s talks (or whether I have something else on). I’ve to double check my commitments/responsibilities around that time period before I can decide...I’ll see..,

Lol. That book you mentioned does sound intriguing. An unusual storyline that sounds promising...

I had a hectic day on Friday. I just have a lot on, in general, so there’s really little time for pause. Just have to keep pushing on. There’s no space for me to fall apart...

Just have to keep going...also, my cultural heritage is big on “duty”, stoicism and grit. It’s a bit of a cultural phenomenon/common in many eastern cultures, which is my heritage, so I’m somewhat used to it...

Thank you again for, as always, being such a wonderful friend. I’m very blessed. I think of you often and send you and mrs b my kind thoughts and love....

Much love xoxox

[Peppermintbach]

Hi all,

I just wanted to share a stray thought...

One powerful lesson that I’ve recently learnt is I don’t think life will ever truly be free of pain, not really. But (sometimes) that’s not what matters, it’s how we carry pain that makes all the difference...

I have been (selectively) drawing upon some of the teachings/philosophies from my heritage recently...about grit and stoicism in the face of adversity (and even life in general) that are helping to see me through...

Sometimes, I do feel torn between western culture and my own eastern heritage (speaking very broadly here). I don’t identify strictly with one or the other; I suppose that I see value in both (as well as things that I would like to challenge in both)...

So, I identify with (aspects of) both, and it has taken a long time for me to realise that that’s okay...

Thank you for reading. Kind thoughts to all...