Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[Ggrand]

Good morning Beautiful Ladies...

I hope it okay to Wish you both a Beautiful and better then last year Happy New Year...I’m talking to you both here if it’s okay?.....I just want to let you both know that you have helped me a lot last year and I’m ver appreciative and grateful for getting to know you both.....

HAPPY NEW YEAR.....beautiful Peppy and beautiful Birdy...I hope that you friendship continues to strengthen and that your always their for each other....Wishing you allnthe good in this world, you both so much deserve nothing but the best.....

Sending you both love and hugs for 2019....💜💜🤗🤗..

Grandy...👼.l

[Peppermintbach]

Hi all you lovely people,

Gorgeous Grandy: Thank you so much for the well wishes, your compassion & new year blessings. Happy new year to you too!

It means a lot that you have been thinking about me. The fact that you took the time and effort to reach out to me, despite being in hospital, speaks volumes about your caring nature...

I loved the imagery of the beach. You captured my senses with your imagination.

This might sound a little odd, but I’ve wondered have you ever thought of writing (and illustrating) your own short stories? Using the evocative imagery...

I think maybe this might be cathartic for you. As in a series of illustrated dreamy mindfulness books...just a little idea 😉

Thank you, I’m very blessed, grateful & fortunate to have birdy’s beautiful friendship. She does indeed understand me. Anyone who is her friend should count themselves as very lucky 🙂 xoxo

Dear friend/beautiful birdy:

Thank you, as always, for your wonderful words of support. For your understanding, insight and caring 🙂 Above all, for being here for me & for your beautiful friendship. Your post made me tear up...thank you, dear friend.

Yes, I often do feel lonely. Most things, I tackle by myself. A large part of it is feeling disconnected & misunderstood.

My emotions have been a little erratic, and I’ve been feeling down & teary. I suppose it’s all part of the process. I think you’re right (& very perceptive), change is indeed painful sometimes.

Very recently, I wrote to some people overseas that I admire (long story there), not really expecting a response (or anything at all). My goal was simply to express my thoughts to them. Much to my surprise (& delight), a couple of them actually replied 🙂

Thank you so much for sharing that quote. I liked your loving reminder to nurture this in-between period as I try to figure things out...I’m sometimes (often) a little impatient, so I’m not exactly “gentle” with myself. As in I want this new life, so to speak, to begin right now...

I think your NYE plan sounded very relaxing, and perhaps more importantly, it was spent with loved ones like your beautiful mrs b and your non-human animal friends. Perfect way to farewell 2018 🙂

I was at a beach party. It was a good way to farewell the 31st & welcome the new year. I enjoyed it, and it was a good way to let loose too 🙂

Thank you again for blessing us all with your presence here 🙂 How have you things been for you in 2019 so far, my friend? Much love to you too xoxox

[Birdy77]

Dear Friend,

I hope that in the days since you last wrote, you have been gentle with yourself.

I hope you are allowing all these varied emotions to run their course.

It's absolutely ok for your emotions to be erratic, all over the place.

It's totally ok to be teary.

Try to allow whatever it is that needs to be felt, & trust that the pain or anguish will eventually play itself out, opening the way for fresh possibilities and understandings.

Transition & change can be really uncomfortable, & it is incredibly hard for you to be patient. But that is also part of the excitement.

And that quote you shared about the way a seed begins its growth, seeming like, what was it, destruction? disemblage? (I don't have it in front if me right now) ... Keep that in mind, and trust that the breaking apart is part of the process of growing stronger and transforming from one phase to another.

If you would like to share more about the people you recently wrote to, I'd be interested. Either way, I'm so glad you wrote to them and expressed your thoughts and feelings, and to get a reply is so great!! Recently I wrote an email to an author after finishing her book, just thanking her and saying how it had touched me, and was so surprised to get a lovely email back ... it is validating, someone taking time out of their day to personally write to you. So nice.

A beach party for NYE sounded fabulous! I'm so pleased to hear to kicked back and let loose a bit, especially considering the emotional time you have been having. I was in bed by 10:30 💃💥

The year so far for me? I've been feeling pretty crap so far, and my mind has been following some deep hurts and dark thoughts down the rabbit holes the last week. I've been trying to ride the waves of it, and keeping myself busy with things around the house and yard, lots to do in the garden which is good - it grounds me, and gives me practice at being in the moment, and is a creative outlet as well. My veg patch has lots of flowers interspersed in it and it brings me cheer.

Oh, mrs b & I have been going for beautiful ocean swims of an evening, i have been visualising the negative energy being washed away, and drawing in the strength & power & peace of the water.

How have the recent days been for you my friend?

With my love

🌻birdy

Dear Grandy, thank you so much for your beautiful, loving New Year wishes. Same back to you Grandy. I hope you are doing ok, & that you are able to feel this time has helped you. Love2u 🌻 b

[demonblaster]

Dear Peppystar 🤗 hi everyone ☺

I truly wish Peppy lovely for you to find happiness you're such a lovely gentle good person who deserves it and seeing you struggle isn't good.

I read back think I'm caught up. Glad you had a good time at the beach party. The sound of the ocean and with luck stars would have a calming peace and ambience which I imagine would put people in a happy place to start with. Sounded like a great night

Awesome you heard back from a couple especially when you weren't expecting a reply.

Our gorgeous tweety mentioned which I also loved the quote about the shell opening, good on you Peps. That threads amazing. I see stuff but am unsure at times who to credit it to so I leave it.

Peps I'm sure you'll find a way to live with the fact 😁I've had the second part to your prezzy done but needs editing as they all do but getting there slowly and that's what counts eh. So sometime between now and umm 2050 should be a safe bet 😉

Hope you're getting some peace and release in your art sweet lady I know you enjoy that

You're truth amongst many here in my thoughts and care and love you Peppystar don't ever forget that hun, people pay big $ for that 😉

You know how you've said about our gorgeous Grandy and my beautiful friendship, same hun with you and tweety it's so beautiful seeing people getting on and close.

Always take care darls and a very gentle soft nudge I mean reminder that and hey I'm giving you a whole year for a good like about yourself can't be fairer than that lovey 🤗

Tweety lovey I'm pretty sure darling Pepples (have I done that one yet Peps 😄) wouldnt mind me talking to you here, I think you spoke of a personal thread not sure but anyway same goes for anyone I call friends especially it saddens me hearing you're struggling too. Honey you too I so hope you find happiness and light through the dark cloud you also are absolute magic and are so caring and good to so many myself included. Gold darl.

Big amazing 🤗🤗 for both of you lovely friends. Psssttt btw credit goes to me if you think Peps hugs are great. Just sayin 😎

Peace loves all of us 🕊

[Ggrand]

Hello Peppy...sweety girl...

Thank you for your very kind words...and that you like my imagination of the beach walk....

Peppy RUOK?..

Peppy, please try as hard as you can to be brave enough to listen to your beautiful heart and follow it the best you can and do only what’s best for you Peppy..I think that is the start of How happiness begins in our life...Your such a gentle soul and I think that you hold back from you a lot to please others or to keep the peace by not speaking your true self....WOW Peppy you are yourself here and your one very amazing beautiful person that I treasure your words so much..please believe in you...Your gentleness and honesty in your posts have and will help so many people.....and that’s being true to yourself that’s helping others here..🍀💚..My heart goes out to you sweetheart.....

Tweety, I hope your okay and start feeling better each day...as Deebi said you are Magic sweety tweety...oh I like that...You both have a golden soul...you as well Deebi...

Sending you all some warm loving and caring 🤗 hugs, and much love..

Grandy..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi all,

Dear friend/beautiful birdy: thank you for your incredible support & friendship. I had a bit of a break from posting recently. It sounds like things have been rough for you lately, dear friend....

I want to gently remind you that you’re always welcome to share your troubles or chat/vent here. I care very much about you & am here for you...No pressure though. Just know my hand of friendship is extended 🙂

I’m happy gardening helps your wellbeing so much; it seems to quite literally ground your anxiety. Your connection to the earth. A beautiful perspective 🙂

Switching up your routine by going swimming with the lovely mrs b sounds fantastic. I sense calm...

I have a lot going on, & haven’t been feeling that great. I feel aimless/restless too. I’m looking for meaningful challenges...change...

I’m pleased you had such a wonderful response from that author. I bet it lifted your mood 🙂

I received a response from an artist & someone in media. I might write to someone who started her own not-for-profit too. I’m not sure what I’m trying to achieve by writing to these strangers, other than out of curiosity & to express my thoughts.

On a slightly amusing note, 2 men tried talking to me last week (separate occasions). 1 of them asked me out. I declined although it was flattering. Lol.

I know how much you’re struggling yet choose to make time for me. How have you been?

Love you, dear friend xoxox

Wonderful DB: thank you for your blessings & well wishes. I love when you visit. I did enjoy the NYE party:)

Shell/growth/change...change, is on the horizon. I know it’s up to me make change happen...

So you have about 31 years to prep my present, it will be spectacular! Looking forward to it 🙂

Thank you, I truly appreciate how you nudge me to say nice things about myself. I know it comes from a place of deep love and care. I’m blessed and grateful.

I think the reason that I don’t tend to say positive things about myself is because I feel that a truer reflection of me is in my actions, & less so, my words. I feel my decisions & how I use my time helps build (or break) my self esteem, & less so, the words I use/don’t use to describe myself...

Sorry, am I making sense? Thanks again for your kindness & many super soul hugs to you.

Also, of course it’s okay for you to talk to beautiful birdy here. That’s a given 😉 Much love xoxo

Gorgeous Grandy: sorry, running out of characters. Thank you so much to you too. I’ll get back to you soon, lovely one xoxo

[Birdy77]

Dear Friend,

It sounds like things have not calmed down for you much, if at all?

I really hope you are taking care of yourself & creating a protective barrier between you & whatever is causing you upset.

Do you have some strategies in place to look after you? Ways of escaping? Ways of allowing your mind to escape at least? [Art, craft, animals, reading, exercise, movies, binge watching tv series(I know: not cooking 😊), nature, writing, building, planning, flower arranging, gardening, cloud-watching, daydreaming?]? ..

I hope you are investing time in something that takes you away from what is causing such disruption in your life.

I was happy to read you had some romantic attention last week .. it's nice to be noticed and appreciated, even if you're not exactly attracted to them, it's nice to feel seen & liked. I hope you enjoyed it for what it was ... it can be a boost, self-esteem wise.

I hope you write to the not-for-profit woman. Even if nothing comes of it, or if you're not exactly sure what you're aiming for, who cares, it's always good to put positive vibes out there, always good to pass on positive thoughts or compliments & connect with others who think along similar lines.

Even if it doesn't lead anywhere, any positive action is a worthwhile action in itself. It is a worthwhile end - not merely a means to an end.

I've been meaning to ask how you went with your nutritionist back in October. I always run out of characters before I remember to ask.

I am struggling this week, emotionally, but am pushing through, getting lots of things ticked off my to-do list & it's only Tuesday (never mind that many of the things on my to-do list have been on the to-do list for approx 2.5 years ... still, it's only Tuesday and I've crossed off about 5 of them).

I almost started a blab there, & thank you so much for inviting me to do so, but I should do it over on my doom thread (such a cheery title).

Deebs, you beautiful soul, yes I did create a thread but I don't use it much unless I am really feeling it. It's called "sense of impending doom": after reading the title I do not blame you if you avoid it!! Thank you for all your lovely words & thoughts here & in other places. You're a truly beautiful person.

As are you, Grandy, & thank you so much again for your love & care, I am grateful so much for your & Deebi's caring thoughts.

I am planning a swim this evening with mrs b (yes, "mrs tweety" to Deebs&Grandy (hereafter "the bbffs").

Love you

🌻birdy

[Peppermintbach]

Hi all,

Gorgeous Grandy: Thank you for your kind words 🙂 You’re always so reassuring & supportive. Your presence means a lot.

I don’t even know what I want sometimes, & I don’t really know how to answer your question. But I think the fact that you went out of your way to ask means more than any answer I could give. So thank you for caring, lovely one...

Thank you so much...I think, at most, my words can offer some (very, very) small comfort...

Sending you my love & some (more) welcome treats for your transition back home 🙂 Love and care xoxo

Dear friend/beautiful birdy: It sounds like things have continued to be rough for you, which I feel sad about. Well done on getting so much ticked off your list, despite the turbulent emotions. I hope you feel a sense of accomplishment, satisfaction & pride 🙂

Smiling...you always maintain such a warm tone in your writing, no matter how much you’re struggling. That warmth just oozes out and comes naturally to you...it’s lovely.

I know you have a thing about your fears of taking up space, & you’re probably thinking about me on this thread, but just know if you ever need to unpack anything, we care & will listen...wherever you choose to write...here, there, wherever...

Sigh, there’s always alcohol. It makes everything okay temporarily...not sure if it counts as a “strategy”, but it’s there. No claims of model citizen behaviour from me....

Though it was flattering, I have little interest in a relationship or even a casual date right now. Not in the right emotional state plus I’m beginning to feel relationships are synonymous with “settling” (or at least for me). Not to be confused with compromise. 2 very different things.

I wonder if a lot of people “settle”, so to speak, in relationships? I suspect it happens more often than people let on, because it’s not something that most would broadcast...never mind me, thinking out loud...

Thank you for asking 🙂 You’re very thoughtful. My dietician was very helpful. He strongly advised taking a supplements. I also need to up my legume intake & crush whole flax seeds in the blender every few days (pre-ground means lost nutrients). Also I was advised of ways to improve iron absorption. Etc...

I’m just over it. Same old feeling. disconnected...a lot to say, but don’t even know where to start. Tongue tied? Lost? Don’t even know...

Enjoy your swim with beautiful mrs b tonight. I hope the water is lovely for you both 🙂 Love to both of you xoxox

[Peppermintbach]

Hi to all the lovely people here,

I saw the same quote recently on multiple sites, and it really spoke to me. I think, to a large extent, it sums up why I’ve been writing to people that I admire overseas.

I look up to each one for different reasons, but one commonality is none of them lead what most would consider a conventional life and are risk takers. So, maybe I’m hoping, even if by sheer (and very loose) association, that their bravery will rub off onto me?

I understand not everyone will like or appreciate the following quote, but it speaks to me:

Look around you. How many people do you think are settling? Probably a hell of a lot. People settle into okay relationships, okay jobs, okay friends, and an okay life. Why? Because okay is comfortable. Okay pays the bills, and provides a warm bed at night. Some people are fine with okay, and guess what? That’s okay.

But okay is not thrilling, it isn’t passion, it’s not life changing or unforgettable. Okay is not the reason you risk absolutely everything you’ve got for the smallest chance that something absolutely amazing could happen.

- unknown

So, here I am, still searching and craving something “more”...not sure what it is or what it will mean. But that is what I truly want...that’s as much as I know right now...

[demonblaster]

I really hope you find what you're looking for beautiful lady 🤗🤝☘