Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Saree_p]

Sorry Sophie,

I have no idea how anyone can best support me. Everyone keeps telling me how much of a failure I am. How me being who I am is too much. My sister even described me as being too full-on when I am heightened. No one can accept me. I simply don't fit here.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Sorry to hear your mood is starting to sink again, but you are not a failure or waste of space! You are struggling with a really difficult illness that affects a great deal of your life.

I am glad you are getting some support next week. Is that with your psychiatrist?

It’s hard when you are having a lot of conflict with those around you, but they don’t really know what it is like to be you. Unless they experience what you do they will probably never understand.

Please fight on Saree you are so worth it especially when you are doing so well at work. If nothing else hold onto that.

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Sorry Jojo,

Support won't be till the following week now. and no. it's psychologist. i ended up in the emergency departement and medicated for mania, but the community team have had nothing to do with me.

My partner is negatively viewing my mania actions, which is so far from the mark.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Hang in there Saree. You can do this. You are one of the most resilient people I know. When times are tough you seem to find a way through. Try and focus on work and anything else that distracts you.

How are things between you and your partner now, any better?

Do you find it helpful talking with your psychologist?

I just found a 🐝 on the floor of my laundry. I thought it was dead and stupidly picked it up to get rid of it when the mongrel stung me! Gee it hurt, but at least I now know I’m not allergic!

Please take good care of yourself Saree and always remember that this time will pass xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗👋

[Saree_p]

Hey Jojo,

No, things aren't better with him. we have spent the weekend apart. I took my father to the shack, my mother joined last night and basically its been a weekend of everyone ripping into me.
We fought every night leading up to the weekend and he wanted to cut all contact over the weekend. So far to say I feel more alone than ever.
I ended up taking off the engagment ring.

On top of it all, ive gotten quite sick again. Was going to spend the week getting fit again for state league netball selections, but no.....

Mean bee!!!!

Did u get up to much this long weekend?

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I am so sorry you are having such a lot of conflict with your partner and your family. Do you have any understanding friends who could support you at this time? It’s horrible when people don’t understand how difficult bipolar is, however, sadly that’s quite common.

It can be lonely. I was at first until I made some friends with mental illness who completely understand -much more than my family ever did. It might be worth checking to see if there are any mental health support groups in the community you could join.

Sounds like your long weekend was an ordeal. My long weekend was at the end of September. I can hardly believe the next one will be Christmas!

Try and find some positive support for yourself Saree as it’s very difficult to go it alone. Stay safe and strong xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🐉💐

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

I've tried all those options but cant seem to find anything thay works around someone who works.

As we drove back from the shack I received the biggest lecture.

I've ended up really sick. Had to go get covid tested yesterday for work. So yay. I'm stuck at home.

I know right Jojo, I do don't wanna deal with Xmas tho. How about you?

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Sorry to hear you are really sick. You said you were tested for covid and are now to stay home. I take it that means you tested positive? Try and take it easy and look after yourself as you are more vulnerable now. Is anyone else unwell at work?

How is your liver and gut problem these days?

I get together with a few close friends for Christmas and share a nice, stress free lunch. Hope issues with your partner and family resolve in time for Christmas.

I am going fishing 🎣 tomorrow with a local community group. It is so relaxing and even better if the fish are biting!

Hope you feel better soon Saree. Try not to let your family get to you. It can feel lonely but sometimes you just have to push on through trusting your own judgment.

Thinking of you at this time xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Hey Jojo,

Just got results back and tested negative. Half my office and the office next door went down with this crappy thing. I just will always be more effected due to lack of immune system.

For my family itll only be alright if I keep my partner. For me, why should I be in a relationship where I'm not valued and needed to be fixed.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

That’s great you are negative for Covid. I am so glad for you.

Your family bring to mind the first few lyrics of a song called ‘Everybody’s Talking at me’ as they seem to talk ‘at’ you rather than with you (correct me if I’m wrong). This is not exactly helpful when trying to resolve issues.

It sounds as though you and your partner are going through a very tough time. However it is better it happens now rather than when you are married. Would you consider couples counselling? It would be such a shame if you couldn’t work things out.

Why do your parents feel it is such a big deal to get married? (you don’t have to answer this).

Take care Saree. Relationships are complicated and need attention to make them work. You are not alone, never forget that and you are valued xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🐠

p.s. I caught a few fish 🎣 today only small ones, but it was good fun.