Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Lilly99]

Dear Saree.

You have conveyed perfectly well. To me and probably to others it’s your work colleagues that are the problem. Whoever publicly embarrasses someone else in the work place and has a go at them about MH issues to me is the one with the MH issue. Honestly who does that in the work place in front of others should be ashamed of themselves . Hold your head up high Saree and know you are not to blame in anyway for what happened . I wish I could give you a cuddle but I can’t so I am here to tell you everything will be okay. I wish I new the person that had a go at you and give them a real talking too.

The person that had a go at you is the crazy one not you.

Take care of yourself Saree have a great Easter 🐣 and eat lots of Easter eggs and hot cross buns .

Lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Sorry you had to go through that at work. It is totally unacceptable and shows how ignorant your colleague is regarding mental health issues. You have nothing to feel ashamed about as you have done nothing wrong and are anything but crazy.

It is great your boss is being so supportive following this episode and it might be worth touching base with her once things settle down.

My heart goes out to you as you have enough on your plate without having to deal with this sort of crap.

Take care, keep your chin up and have a great Easter xox

With lots of love and hugs Jojo 🌼🤗🐣💐

[Saree_p]

Sorry.

Thanks to you both. Hope you have a great Easter too, the best that can be with this virus anyway.

I will be happy to just get through it at this stage.
Suicidal phase appears to have passed but normally mood would lift. This time it appears to be lifting a little but I am so tired and sore I've spent most of the day asleep or lying there. Think mind set has lifted but mood is still there if that makes any sense to anyone.

All this is worrying, but sleep for now will be what I'm seeking.

Hope u all rest up too,

Saree

[Saree_p]

Skip that. Bad phase is back. On t8p of being completely useless and not even being able to go to the supermarket

[Saree_p]

Sorry all.

Feel like a broken record player.
I simply just wanns talk to someone or anyone that may understand. Except I can't contact people nor ask for help
I don't know how much more I can take anymore. Sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Sorry to hear you are still really struggling. I hope you managed to get some rest. I have never experienced rapid cycling but I imagine it is very frustrating and exhausting to say the least.

Don’t beat yourself up about finding it hard to go to the supermarket. I dread going there now myself and put it off until I really have to go.

Are you finding it helpful to have a few days off over the Easter break or is it easier to keep busy with work?

My prayers and thoughts are with you. Stay safe. This time will pass just hang in there xox

With lots of love and hugs Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Thanks jojo,

Honestly this is the longest I've stayed in an episode for a while. Getting back to ways it's been but for some reason just worse if that makes sense. Guessing the medication is slowing down the rapid cycling.

The days off have been great, just now don't want to go back to work.

I am just so tired tjo jojo.
Slept 12 hours last night and can't stop yawing. Really jusy want to go back to sleep.

How was you Easter Jojo?

[Saree_p]

Hey all,

Feeling quite lonely today.
Think mood is lifting, but still feel blah.

Its raining and quite cold here.
Work sucks atm.

Guess just struggling and feel like I'm making mistakes at every turn.

Hope you are all well after Easter,
Saree

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Sorry to hear you’re feeling lonely and blah. I guess the weather isn’t helping either. Try and keep busy when you’re not working to occupy your mind. Don’t let negative thinking take over. How about doing a puzzle or watching DVD’s?

I have been able to get out again as my neighbour has recovered from Coronavirus. I went to the beach a few times which made life seem almost normal again.

I saw my best friend over Easter. She is doing much better now. We watched a movie on Netflix called Collateral Beauty which was really interesting (tho bring out the tissues at the end).

So just take one day at a time, stay safe, don’t lose hope and keep trusting things will get better.

Wishing you well, With lots of love and hugs Jojo 🌼🤗🤹‍♂️

[Saree_p]

Thanks Jojo,

But think I'm loosing that battle. Puzzles are my go to, massive one on the table, 5000 piece lol.
Been trying to read but doesn't really work.
Also been trying to watch stuff but just end up slumping. Even been forcing myself to exercise.

I think the worst thing is I thought the mood was lifting, was convinced it was, and then plummet.

The psychistrist (over a short phone conversation with my partner) has suggested going to the gp and getting a script for an antidepressant. For the life of me, am I not already on enough different stuff? Also scared to try as antidepressants have always made me worse.

So today I will just try and get through work (without quitting).

So glad you got out and about Jojo. No doubt the isolation would've been so hard.

Hope today treats you well

Saree