Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Saree_p]

Sorry Tom,
Think I replied but not sure what happened.

Guess just really struggling again.
Sorry

[smallwolf]

No worries.

Are you working from home at the moment? I have been spending about 2 hours in the office each day and then the rest from home. I don't know if i told you, but at one stage the home was my unsafe place. The one thing I should be doing at this time is completing the diploma but with everything happening at work, this is proving hard with everything sort of changing by the hour.

Can you tell me something good that happened to you today?

Tim

[Saree_p]

Hi Tim,

Yes you have told me and I get it. Its generally been mine too simply due to lack of need to do stuff.

We have moved to fully working from home. No contact except via phone or Skype.

One positive today? My manager told me I'm her favourite, we were stuffing around, but basically she asks for something to be done and I'm doing it. Or I have a question I ask it. Most of all, if I stuff up I own it. Plus I have a poker face, which we need most of the time.

I didn't get up and do my exercise. Thoughts are getting much worse. Cried literally all day yesterday and all night.
Guess just trying to get through the day. Can feel the paranoia setting in and really just wish this would all stop.

Sorry,
Saree

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Hope you are coping with all the restrictions due to Coronavirus. How is it working from home - easier or more stressful?

One of my neighbours has tested positive for the virus so I have been advised to batten down the hatches and only go out for urgent things. Fortunately I have enough food and toilet paper.

Are you able to keep in touch with your GP, psychologist and psychiatrist via Skype?

It sounds as though you are struggling with sleeping and paranoia. Try and get some rest as lack of sleep always increased my paranoia. It’s a vicious circle.

That’s great you are very well thought of at work. That’s a real positive and nice to know. You should be proud of yourself.

These are challenging times so stay safe and strong xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼💐🤗

[Saree_p]

Thanks jojo,
Thankfully we are in Tassie so not so bad here yet. But we are in partial lock down.

Partner contacted psychiatrist last week due to paranoia. Settled down dye to meds but the reduced em again.
My paranoia te ds to hit with depressive symptoms, so sleep occurs. The more I sleep the worse it gets. God delusions on the other side. Something I had to admit of Iate.

Cancelled psychologist due to online method which im doing for work too much.
But contacted her yesterday. She wants to do a video session on Monday. She stayed we need to ensure my safety.

So yeah lots happening...

N hags about toilet paper. I'm the official toilet paper supplier for all atm.
Due to working at home I can get to supermarkets at right time some days.

Hope your well Jojo

[smallwolf]

Hi Jojo and Saree.

the place where my psychiatrist is closing for the next few weeks and my next appointment is via "phone" of some sort. On the plus side, I was told that I am putting the skills that I have been taught to good use. For example, people telling about what might happen I am able to "ignore" - I am telling myself they are future telling and that is their own anxiety talking.

I was still able to see my psych. at her workplace - create a sense of normalcy for me.

How did it feel to hear that you were the manager's favourite?

Hope your weekend is going ok.

[Saree_p]

Hi Tim,

That's great that your doing so well.

As I had no real positive outlook, it was OK. I then compared the other colleagues and it wasn't hard to see why.

Things have gotten real bad for me. Mood has stayed low. Today it's rapidly declining.
I spoke with my psychologist yesterday after reaching out last Friday. We came up with a long term plan but nothing much else. She wants me to let her know if I decline or incline to the other side. I simply just don't want to at this point. Only spoke to her yesterday and today is worse than ever.

What sort of hell is this? I really just want out. I want off this roller-coaster

Its all been such a steep learning curve and changes I wasn't given much of a choice in.
I know the plan will be to admit to hospital if I declined but I can't. Work schedule is hectic and I simply don't want to go.

Just wish these moods would go away.

Sorry all

[Lilly99]

Hi Saree, Tim Jojo and everyone.

I know how you feel Saree but honestly hospital isn’t that bad. One good thing is I met people the same as me. Nice meeting people similar. Doesn’t make it easier but helps to know you are not alone . Take care of yourself you are never alone Saree.

Lilly 💕

[Saree_p]

Hi Lilly,
So glad to hear from you. Sorry I'm lax.
Glad hospital has helped you, really am.

I just dont feel its an option.  My calander is fairly booked and my work load is semi under control. 
Just wish I knew a productive way forward.
Sorry for being glumy
 

[Lilly99]

Hi Saree,

Honestly it didn’t help but may help you . Put yourself first before work

lilly