Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Hope you managed to cope with all your appointments this week and also are settling into your new job.

It must be a busy time for you and filled with changes.

Try and keep doing your exercises as this will give you the stamina to keep up with everything.

Thinking of you dear friend xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

Sorry for the delay.

Got through the appointments. Awaiting results, as with everything there is problems.

One essay done, another to go... think I am failing so bad.

Sorry fear friend, last half a week has been bad. Hopefully all sorted by end of week. Will see.

How are you travelling?

towel throwing is where I have gone.

movies?

saree

[Saree_p]

I think I have reached the ultimate low. I technically have everything on track. what else could I want? yet I sit here with my head... my BF sees the 'dream GF', yet I see all the scars.

I keep holding off for change, but reality - there is no change apart from me. Honestly, I can not do it. Society, human beings, will never change. I can no longer try to change, or amend my views to compensate for others. I'm done. I honestly hate the human species. I understand them (degree and all), but I don't want to be one. We are all so evil.

maybe this is late night ramblings. I am sitting here with the debacle to get to work or not. if I do not it's over for good. even if I can, is it a pure matter of time?

Who are we as a species? what is the purpose?

[Saree_p]

Sorry Jojo.

over and out

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I am sorry you are in such a dark place atm, but you are dealing with some heavy duty emotions and have experienced the worst of people over the years.

You haven’t been in therapy all that long so there is plenty of time for change as you begin to process what happened to you.

There are a lot of evil people out there and you are right they probably won’t change, but there are some amazing people out there too and those are the ones you need to surround yourself with.

Hope you manage to finish the rest of your assignments on time. You are doing really well Saree to be studying at uni while you go through therapy. You are amazing!

Wayne and I went to a Japanese Taiko drumming show on the weekend which we really enjoyed. With the big drums the whole building shook! It was high energy and visually stunning. The drummers got a standing ovation and had to do several encores. It was a great night.

The next movie is Wayne’s pick and he wants to see Rambo! However, I am also going to see Downton Abbey with my best friend which is more my taste.

Take good care of yourself and keep on going- you are doing really well xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Just wondering how you are? Has been a while since I have heard from you, although I realise you have a lot going on. Hope you are going a bit better since your last post.

Did you end up going privately with your psychologist? Sounds like that would be the way to go and make life a bit easier for you.

Thoughts are with you xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼

[Saree_p]

Dear Jojo,

Things haven't been that great. I am sorry for not keeping in touch

No idea what is happening with psych anymore. She kept chopping n changing what she was saying to me n bf. I haven't heard from her for 2 weeks. She spoke to be last week and was supposed to ring me Monday, but meh. Hit a complete physical crash atm.

How are u?

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

It is so good to hear from you though am sorry things are not going well atm.

The psychologist sounds pretty incompetent which makes me so angry! There has got to be someone who is more reliable than that?

How are you settling into your new job? All good I hope with much less stress and more regular hours.

I am going really well thanks and enjoying the lovely spring weather. Went over to a friend’s place today to check out her garden. She loves flowers and there was a mass of colour everywhere even on the verge. She has daisies, poppies, roses, lavender, geraniums and just about everything under the sun!

Hang in there Saree there are good times ahead for you once you get through this period of your life. You can make it, you are strong enough.

My thoughts are with you and you don’t have to apologise for not keeping in touch xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

Job is good, a little bored atm.
Been lots of partners family stuff, n he has forgotten emotional support for tomorrow - I understand as it's not either of our 1st thoughts but he just didn't click, not until an hour ago and now is kicking himself, which doesn't help. Situstionally, he has asked I set things up that'll hurt me but isfor me.... He didn't get it till an hour ago, but to change it. N he has the right idea, logic not emotion, so not fighting.

I'm done with psychologist. Just not sure what to do or not bother. ..

Glad u r awesome! We have dalmylight savings next week, looki jng forward to it. U?

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Sounds like you are having lots of ups and downs atm.

What will you do if you don’t see the psychologist any more? You need support Saree to get through this time of your life. Do you still see your GP? Try and hang in there and maybe even consider seeing someone else for counselling.

Both my knees are sore as I have been out weeding the garden. Gee it’s hard work 😓. Was going to spray, but was worried it would cause problems for Poppy.

We don’t have daylight saving here. How is the weather in Tassie, has spring arrived?

Take care and you are in my thoughts xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🐝