Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I don’t see how you can manage that workload feeling the way you do?Please consider going into hospital so that you will be safe and also it will give you a break from work.

Put your health first xox

With much love your friend Jojo 🌼🕯

[Lilly99]

Dear beautiful Saree,

Please keep trying. I know how tough it is. Listen to what Jojo is saying, you are amazing. You have the strength within. You have shown that with what you have achieved through out your life .

I am not good at advice . But can you stay at your bf house more over the next week while you work so much? So you are not alone Maybe he could cook you some meals so you don’t have to think about that?

I may not reply sometimes because of my headspace saree but I am always thinking if you.

Lilly 🌸

[Saree_p]

Thanks dear friends,

Lilly, I understand completely and I also just hope you are ok. I'm always so glad to hear from you in your post. I confess I am struggling to be around people at all. And the negative cycles and slightly paranoid thinking is kicking in. Being around the bf could actually destroy everyrhing because i cant see why he is with me. So i am implying alteria motives - which we know there isnt, he just loves me. I am at a real low. Its not pretty.

Jojo, I can't cope with it. I nearly, well actually did loose it. I've gotten to the point that even being at work doesn't feel safe.

My plan was to get through the weekend and then see my GP immediately to go in to hospital, but I am struggling to get through the weekend.

I also simply can't get enough sleep either. Just so so tired.

I'm trying to argue with myself and be stubborn, saying I can make it through this coming week and then see the psychologist. But I am not sure I can anymore.
Struggling to come to terms with the diagnosis, implications, what to do now, also so angry at myself for waiving the white flag and so ashamed I never saw any of this. So stupid.

I made it to work dear friends, bf has plans tonight and will be at staying at mine.
Gotta clean and organise everything after work plus find an outfit.

Tomorrow night I will be staying home. I won't be doing anything but knocking off and going home. I know I need people but I can't people.

Sorry for being a disappointment dear friends. Thank you for caring,

Saree

[Lilly99]

P.S Jojo and I have been up all night installing Rocket boosters on our boat 🚣‍♀️ hovercraft . Up to our armpits in grease and sh.. It’s hard work but you are worth it . Should be ready soon for launch to come to the rescue of our dear saree. You will here us before you see us 🙂

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

If it doesn’t feel safe at work don’t you think it is time to take a sick day? Apart from everything else you sound so exhausted. Please put your health first for a change.

You need proper care Saree so why not go into hospital and get the help you need.

I agree with Lilly and think it is important for you to be around someone such as your bf rather than isolating yourself.

Take good care of yourself xox

With love your friend Jojo 🌼🕯🚤

[Lilly99]

Dearest Saree,

Thinking if you tonight and hoping you are ok. Sweet dreams .

Thank you for being here for me . And for all your help .

Lilly 🌸

[Saree_p]

Dearest friends,

Last night was a date event - never really done before.
Got picked up, flowers, out to dinner - car door and all, then movies and he knew my inner child wanted to session long, so its what we saw. Truly amazing, never had that before. Then slept the night with no nightmares in his arms.

So, why this state? Why am I so low that I can't even find the words.

Had a coffee with dad, after work, despite no energy to do so. I simply got told I just need to find a way through it.

My mind is so fragmented, if I can just make it through the week, if I can just make it to tomorrow and find out about this new job, and quite. But I'm trying to keep to logic and keep going. For what? Out of fear, from past experiences. It's taken me years and years to get to a stable position for me to not be stable. Why?

Jojo, how do you convey that everything should be wonderful yet you are so low ?
Yes hospital, I am trying to negotiate with self on when is best to do it, but then not sure I can anymore. I think that stubborn streak is beyond thin.

I can't face tomorrow. And I don't have the words to explain it or why. I just wish I knew why!!! Jojo, why?

I'm sorry friends

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

What an amazing and thoughtful date night. Your bf obviously cares about you a great deal which is wonderful for you. I am so happy for you.

Please contact your GP tomorrow to find out what is happening as you need support sooner rather than later.

It’s really hard when you have positives happening in your life, but because of your low mood you are unable to enjoy them.

Unfortunately this is how it can be without treatment. That’s why I think hospital would be of benefit to you at this point. Think of your health instead of pushing yourself to the absolute limit.

That’s all I am going to say except take better care of yourself! xox

With much love your friend Jojo 🌼🕯

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

How are you coping today?

Any news from your GP?

Just want you to know I am thinking of you today.

With much love your friend Jojo 🌼🕯

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Just checking in to see how you are and to let you know I am thinking of you.

Did you manage to see your GP or check with her to find out what the private psychiatrist’s opinion is?

Stay safe and my thoughts and prayers are with you xox

With love your friend Jojo 🌼🕯