Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Saree_p]

Sorry Jojo,

do not wish to worry you.

Started trying to write (fantasy novel) again. got a couple of sentences, but then everything started to feel unreal again.

I don't think I should drive. its late, and the roads are icy. I don't feel with it enough to do so.

Please don't worry. I don't want you to. I just wish I knew what to do. it is.

I do wish could send you photos of current environment, it is the best. but it's not working.

freaking out = what I think are delusional states of someone appearing in front of me telling me what to do, been a few in last 24 hours.

I know its not logical atm. just struggling. you and bf are keeping me grounded. should I be worrying?

[Saree_p]

just tried ringing BB but couldn't speak. I am so sorry Jojo

[Saree_p]

sorry Jojo,

I responded ages ago. guess I am an issue atm.

i understand why, sitting here with a knife and music atm. I get it.

[Lilly99]

Dear Saree,

I am not good at advice tonight because I am in the same head space .

You said in one of your posts that you are holding on to the positives. Well one of those positives is your bf. He has offered to take you anywhere you need to go to get help. Hold his hand saree and accept the help he is offering.

Thoughts are with you.

Lilly 🌸

[Saree_p]

Lilly, dearest Lilly,

to a degree I am, issue being reality. Been quite a long time of me trying to get the answers I need and everyoe is arguing.... like parents squabbling.

You are right, he is wonderful, and as of a text 10 mins ago quite worried. but I assured him and told him one of us had to sleep as one of use had work in the morning... not me lol.

[Lilly99]

Dear saree ,

You need your sleep as well .

I know how hard it is to get the help you need. There is help out there for you. Let your bf help. He sounds amazing.

Did i mention the boat converts to a hovercraft . Good to go across country to the shack .

Lilly 🌸

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

If the roads are icy and you are not able to drive then stay put till tomorrow. However, Please consider returning home in the morning. You need people at this time. Let your bf support you.

Stay safe & warm and try and get a good nights sleep xox

Ps I imagine you huddled up in a wooden hut, in the middle of nowhere, like a little hermit!

With love your friend Jojo 🌼

[Lilly99]

p.s If the hovercraft touches the ice that’s ok Jojo and I will get there quicker . But completely out of control , You May have to open the door.

Lilly 🌸

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Hope you are feeling a bit better today. Are you still at the shack?

When do you go back to work? Just wondering how things are now.

Take care of yourself xox

With love your friend Jojo 🌼

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,
I am, but bf came n joined me this arvo, after last night n all.

Still struggling. But trying. CAT team rang today, not sure why.

I will head back tomorrow, n stop at bf rather than housemate.

Head is honestly everywhere, but had local police drop in twice, whilst I can hide reality, the visits have broken through enough.

Not far to next week now.

Sorry for last couple of days,

Saree