Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Saree_p]

Housemate is a pain. Own world problems of nothing, a child in an adults body. Running him through basic psychology help, as he isn't getting it due to a narrow view of reality. but came down to being blunt. Set him up with an acquaintance I know who is a psychologist, try and get him some beneficial help. but the reality is its not really 'problems' more wanting others to do the work for him.

He is apparently still cracking the shits with me, I won't date him, but will others. I made clear the agreement we had, he expressed he thought I was joking. So I got blunt and told him, there is no attraction and he is a child, probably harsh, but sick of the shit.

Justification: made this clear ages ago, and am sick of the attention seeking behaviour. maybe I am being to harsh and should be more caring.

Should never have done this housemate shit

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree my Amigo

Have you tried some slow deep breathing? Do you think the elation is anything to do with your date? It went so well you have every right to feel happy. I sometimes would feel elated, but there were often perfectly good reasons for it such as meeting someone nice?

I know you Saree you are more than capable of going on Wednesday. Just pretend it is work related and it will be a breeze. Try not to be panicking. You’ve got this. You can do it. Remember how dreadful you felt and the hell you have been through.

With love your friend Jojo 🌼

[Saree_p]

Thanks Jojo,

I have. It's been helping but not easing panic - if makes sense.

Your right, and logical. Need to be logical.

How was master chef?

Need to do Wednesday. Can't keep doing the bad shit. Can you please keep reminding me. Sorry.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Yes logical is good and I will keep reminding you why Wednesday is necessary. You need to choose health and healing.

Masterchef is just finishing. I think you are a couple of hours ahead of me xox

Your friend Jojo 🌼

[Saree_p]

Thanks Jojo,

I would assume so - but probably underestimated how much.

It is just after 11 here.

can't shake the feeling everything is collapsing inwards on me and impending doom. Did hear my exs voice. think that may have caused issues.

Where is my magical wand?

Sorry Jojo,

Thank you,

sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

It’s almost 9.30 here.

Your ex is in Queensland so you are safe. You are so independent and self-reliant it probably does feel like things are collapsing in on you.

However, you did say at one point you wished someone would take control and tell you what to do. That can happen on Wednesday if you will let them in to your world and trust a little, scary as that may be.

Sorry about all the hassles you are having with your housemate. Do you have to live with him?

With love your friend Jojo 🌼

[Saree_p]

Lol Jojo, 2 hours it is. Funny time differences across Australia hey.

After problems with the ex, I had to be on the lease for security - wasn't with the ex, so technically (despite 6-year relationship, didn't live there). Lease runs out in January. So think I am stuck for a while, we are both on the lease. I guess I just missed the level or my ability to cope with it. Mind you I never planned to collapse this year. It was my year of a comeback and getting everything together, not it falling apart.

Thanks Jojo, sorry.

I should try and sleep - stuff is just going everywhere. Maybe if curl up in bed with a tv series will just fall asleep.

Hope you enjoyed Master Chef. Sorry.

Saree

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Yes try to sleep it is getting late at your end.

Sweet dreams 🍧🧁🍨🍮🧙‍♀️🌈🐥

Nightey night!

Over and out!

Your friend Jojo 🌼

[Saree_p]

Well, that sucked!

I did conk out, but three nightmares and 2 complete panic attacks. Did not want to get out of bed this morning. Had to deal with work phone call, return call for psychiatrist, and call work again.

Finally dragged myself out of bed, away for Tinsel cuddles, and exercised. Eaten my veggies and meat - didn't yesterday. Dealt with the exhausting crap of housemate and carry on about laundry, I was getting told when I could do my laundry around the weather, whilst he intends to use the dryers etc - got blunt and said that if he worked then the power bill wouldn't be so large and I do not work so he can sit around home all day at a cheaper rate to winge at me, so considering I am the one that works why is it I'm the one that can't use the power, yet pay for him to be lazy. I lost my patience - bad Saree, mean Saree.

Really, really, really do not want to go to work.

One sweet thing today: my dinner date to be, has been texting trying to figure out a way to cook food around my intolerances, and even dessert. Something has to be wrong right?

Hope you have had a much better day Jojo,

Sorry if this turned into more of a rant. Crashed headspace. Sorry for negative nancy.

Saree

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Sorry you had such a horrible nights sleep, but it’s not like you to not want to go to work. What’s going on there?

Good on you for standing up to your housemate. You have as much right to use the dryer as he does. He sounds like a real pain!

Your date sounds really considerate which is lovely though you question whether something is wrong. I love quoting this, but dare to hope Saree, dare to hope!

Why did you have to ring the psychiatrist? Hope you made it to work and things went well.

Enjoy your date xox

Your friend Jojo 🌼