"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

[Moonstruck]

I have a tendency to "over think" things (I hope you know what I mean by that) which can spiral into obsessive thoughts and imagining worst outcomes etc.

Just lately I have noticed myself perhaps going a step further when thinking over someone else's actions and/or words - assuming it is a direct personal assault on "me" . I dwell over and over on what they said, the tone of voice used, creating a scenario as to why they did or said a certain thing, what they could be "leading up to" or "covering up" something I need to know. I get more and more anxious as I "imagine" what will be next to happen - (it is always negative and scary). sometimes I imagine the conversations they "could" be having about me behind my back.

sometimes I feel like contacting him/her to have them explain if anything is wrong, and if I misconstrued anything -to reassure me all is OK. But I am too scared to do so, in case it makes things worse, in case they are embarrassed and try to avoid me in the future. . Hardly anyone knows I have such an anxiety problem at all - so I don't want to come across as a "mental case".....(LOL)

Is this sounding a bit paranoid to you? How can I stop imagining the worst possible scenario of events that "might" happen...it's seems so real to me even though I am making it up in my head.

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

Those bowling terms can indeed be confusing

Croix

[Moonstruck]

Methinks you are over-thinking the situation....it's my own fault. perhaps I should not have been so elusive in the first place - sorry.

[Moonstruck]

I thought I would dig this post up - am I allowed to do that? Or do I have to stick to my "other one" I started up recently?

I haven't found a solution to my over-thinking, at times bordering on paranoid thoughts.....e.g. how do you know if something is a "gut feeling" "coming from the heart" something you just "know" you should do or say or whatever? The difference between that...and "over thinking,paranoid thoughts???"... How do you tell the difference?

My gut instincts tell me to do something...and I don't. Because I know I tend to over-think things and build them up out of all proportions...distort the facts and "evidence" . so I don't act upon my gut feelings. I can't trust them.

Which leaves me "stuck" and it's a horrible feeling, going over and over in my mind "what if I do, what if I don't? Am I sure this will happen Am i sure that won't happen?" "does this issue need my attention and action..OR..am I just being paranoid about it?". Perhaps I should ask Dr Kim about it?......

[CMF]

Dear Moon,

I'm pretty sure you can resurrect old threads, after all may people have contributed to this topic and i'ts a really good one that many of us relate to. I find that different threads allow us to express how we are feeling at a particular time and give different people the opportunity to get involved. Having only 1 thread means that people eventually drop off and if you are experiencing something new or different it will not be noticed because the topic of that thread is not reflecting how you feel.

Anyway, great question "how do you know if something is a 'gut feeling'". I ask myself this question all the times and i think i am even to scared to know the answer. I recently took my little one to the dr convinced there was a problem related to her illness as a baby. I was completely freaking myself out and very anxious, not sleeping and making myself sick. The dr did a thorough check and even rang her specialist at RCH to double check and all was fine. It was me overthinking and over reacting because i have anxiety.

i don't know what the solution is, i think being anxious people that we are we will overthink things and cannot trust our 'gut' feelings. I have noticed that when i have gut feelings that have turned out to be correct i have been calm with the feelings, when my 'gut' feelings have been wrong i have been anxious about them, and see a worst case scenario, therefore my anxiety has caused those feelings, not necessarily my 'gut'.

Great thread Moon.

cmf x

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

You can post here, the thread topic is most appropriate course, so it's whichever you like. The only down-side of running two active threads is that some people may miss things.

So I'll give you a quick answer here then move over to your current thread.

I can't find the right place for me to post

to talk about other things.

I understand what you are saying here, and I don't think the term 'paranoid' applies (but then again I'm just a walrus, I don't know much about terms:)

I do know if a person is hit with negatives often enough then thinking gets confused and there is a likelihood of not making decisions. I have a feeling though when you are bowling this over-thinking may take a back-seat.

I think your idea of asking Dr Kim is excellent.

Croix

[Moonstruck]

Hi Croix

You can be quite insightful for a Walrus. I am probably confusing people with the two threads...sorry about that.

You are right, the over thinking and obsessive thoughts do not pertain in any way to my bowling. I have my eye firmly on the ball there (pardon the pun, oh aren't I clever) the one place where I feel in total control and captain of my own ship - no, I am talking about other, everyday situations, interaction and events that I get obsessed about.

(yes the word "paranoid" is perhaps a trifle strong, considering its real meaning There are folks who genuinely suffer from severe paranoia - I am not one of them.

I tend to become "obsessed" with a subject after too much thinking about it, the whys, wherefores, possibilities and most of all "imagining". I have such a vivid imagination, the scene and possible outcomes become almost Real to me...I can see and hear them unfolding in my imagination. Of course in most cases, my scenarios are much worse than the reality. leaving me not knowing when to take action, and when to sit back and do nothing.

Is it my "spot on gut instinct" warning me about something.....or my imagination running away with me? This confusion and lack of trust in myself is driving me crazy. (except on the bowling green - LOL)

CMF that was an interesting point you raised about your own experiences with this. You seem to understand where I am coming from and how confusing it can be. You made a very good observation that when you were correct, and coming from your real gut feelings..you tend to feel calm. If coming from your over thinking, you got more and more anxious visualising a worse case scenario - thank you for sharing that.

[CMF]

Hi Moon,

Hope you are having a good day. I have the perfect example of gut feelings vs overthinking. It happened today.

As you know we havnen't seen or heard from 'him' since xmas day. Today i planned to just go out shopping with the little one but had a gut feeling he may make contact, seeing as it is easter. I wasn't anxious or over thinking,it was just a feeling and it happened just this morning, i hadn't been thinking about it previously.

So as we were almost ready to go i receive a text msg from him asking if i was taking the little one to lunch with me today, I mean what else would i be doing if i were going for lunch? Leaving her with the neighbour? Anyway i won't go into too much detail as it is on my other thread but my point is that my 'gut' feeling only happened before the actual event occurred. I had not thought about it previously and had not been anxious about it happening. I think this may be the difference, 'gut' feelings are often before an event happens where as overthinking is going over and over the what if's and the should i or shouldn't i and not knowing what to do.

After that message my anxiety did kick in but previous to that it was a feeling, not anxiety and no overthinking.

cmf x

[Moonstruck]

CMF....I understand what you mean about knowing he'd contact you.

Where I am at the moment...is...of course the time came when I had to "decide"about one issue and I did. As you know by reading on here, I had gone over and over in my mind both sides of the question....and as I predicted, once the decision was made by me, yes, someone was disappointed. They tried to make me change my mind and thought I had made the wrong choice.

I felt absolutely terrible the rest of the day and night (next day still do, in fact I've had the phone off the hook) yesterday I had to take some of my sleeping medication I got so upset and panicky, knowing I had "let someone down" (anyway thats how this person felt)

If I had chosen differently, it would have meant stress and hard work for me ( and I have been in quite a lot of pain, still trying to manage that and get it healed) , and feelings of letting myself down for giving in to the pressure.

But wouldn't that be preferable to feeling this guilt wondering what the person is thinking of me now, what they are saying, wondering if they dislike me now, how we will relate in the future etc etc. (see what I mean by over-thinking - it's horrible)

I could have made the other decision and "pleased others" and avoided their disappointment. Now I am thinking perhaps I should have done that - bugger my own feelings - as long as others are happy and pleased with me. See what a weak person I am. That is how much others' approval of me influence my just about every move. I have learned you see, a very "unhelpful" lesson. That is if you don't please others, they will stop liking you,and treat you badly. That is ingrained in me so much I always put own feelings last....this time I put them first and feel enormous guilt.

I also wrote to Dr Kim asking her advice about this over thinking, paranoid imaginings.....thanks for being there CMF and others....

[CMF]

Oh Moon,

I am reading a book called 'Assertiveness for Earth Angels'- how to be loving instead of too nice'. If you can get hold of it I urge you to read it. It is amazing and has really opened my mind to many things an enlightened me. It gives me goosebumps.Today i read the chapter on 'Enjoying life instead of people pleasing'.

You have made the right decision for YOU, that is what matters. If people are truly your friends they will understand. You cannot sacrifice yourself for other people's happiness. You are not responsible for their happiness.

I urge you to read this book. I think you will get alot out of it.

cmf x

[Moonstruck]

thanks CMF. I looked it up on the net and will try and get it from somewhere. It sounds just what I need, but whether I can "change" remains to be seen I guess. I feel i will be able to relate to everything she says in it - I wish I were not like this - but how do you change your personality and character mid way through your life I wonder.....wish I could though.x