"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

[Moonstruck]

I have a tendency to "over think" things (I hope you know what I mean by that) which can spiral into obsessive thoughts and imagining worst outcomes etc.

Just lately I have noticed myself perhaps going a step further when thinking over someone else's actions and/or words - assuming it is a direct personal assault on "me" . I dwell over and over on what they said, the tone of voice used, creating a scenario as to why they did or said a certain thing, what they could be "leading up to" or "covering up" something I need to know. I get more and more anxious as I "imagine" what will be next to happen - (it is always negative and scary). sometimes I imagine the conversations they "could" be having about me behind my back.

sometimes I feel like contacting him/her to have them explain if anything is wrong, and if I misconstrued anything -to reassure me all is OK. But I am too scared to do so, in case it makes things worse, in case they are embarrassed and try to avoid me in the future. . Hardly anyone knows I have such an anxiety problem at all - so I don't want to come across as a "mental case".....(LOL)

Is this sounding a bit paranoid to you? How can I stop imagining the worst possible scenario of events that "might" happen...it's seems so real to me even though I am making it up in my head.

[CMF]

Hey Moon,

You don't need to 'change', we are who we are. You are amazing, just the way you are. Try not to see it as 'changing' your personality or character, but instead as 'developing' and 'learning' new ways to respond. In fact one of the points in the book is that when we are 'people pleasers' ( I am one also) we are not being true to ourselves who we really are because we don't want to upset people. THAT is the change.

cmf x

[Moonstruck]

I am sitting here at the computer (with my hand held over my mouth in fear and dread) about to have a shower, and look like a "normal" together person. I have to. I have to call in at my sister's (elderly) and show her how to use her new mobile phone....I have to be calm, together and coping (facade) as she worries about family members so much - I don't want her to worry.

then meet a new friend, acquaintance really , a nice woman for coffee (I never meet people for coffee) again when she asks "How are you?" I will lie and smile, and if I discuss any problems at all it will be in a calm, measured fashion.

then straight after I go to the dentist (I have dentist fear) just for the usual check/clean, but last time he carried out a procedure as well, at the same appointment that I was not prepared for (as he had time that day). He tends to do this without telling me the cost beforehand, ....I have some cover, but only so much per year so usually have a gap. I am scared he will do this again today. I am already scared just going to the surgery, so to speak up and demand my rights seems impossible.

As I started this, I was sitting with my hand clutched over my mouth, I wonder why. Sort of like I was in dreadful "fear" of "something" I suppose I am. You can tell by this hastily written post, that I am on the verge of panic.

But what is the alternative to my day? go back to bed, turn the phone off, disappear from the world...I will have to face it eventually. is anyone else frightened sometimes to just begin the day? Is what lies ahead of them, however harmless and ordinary, overwhelming and terrifying to think about?

I haven't been awake that long and already feel the need to take some of my sleeping meds just to calm me down. The GP and counsellor don't think I need anxiety meds - they haven't seen me like this!

[CMF]

Dear Moon,

I'm afraid you will not see this before you need to go, if i could have picked up the phone to call you i would have. I feel everything of what you are experiencing today, ys we do feel frightened to start the day sometimes, you are not alone there. Perhaps you could print your post and show it to your GP/counselor as it makes a very clear point of how you are feeling in this moment that they have not seen from you.

Firstly the dentist. As you may remember i have a dental fear alos which i am slowly overcoming with the help of a very gentle and understanding dentist/hygienist. Even the receptionist now knows about it lol. It is not right to carry out a procedure when you are not prepared and do not know the cost and yes it is very hard to speak up when we are already feeling fear.I found that when i started going back to the dentist and they asked how i was i just told them straight up that i had anxiety and i am scared of the dentist. This enabled them to take extra care with me and talk me through anything, asking if i was ok and keeping me updated on how it was going ie, it's nearly done, i just have to..., you are doing really well, do you need a break etc. Another suggestion is to email or ring them when you feel calmer and let them know your feelings so they in future they can take this into account and be aware before you get there that you have the anxiety and do not want anything spring on you, but rather need to be asked when you would like to have things done.

I know all about the 'brave face' feeling. I know i can't give you any suggestions now but perhaps if you are feeling that way next time you could re schedule those appointments. I know this does not help but just a thought. Sometimes yo need to put yourself first.

I hope you got through ok.

cmf x

[Moonstruck]

CMF....it would have been fine for you to phone me - and I think you would have been a help, probably more than the professionals dare I say...I don't know why. I wonder why the people on here seem more trusted friends than our "real"ones? I would rather you had called me, than a close friend or family right here! Is it because you are "anonymous" - that must be the reason. Whatever the reason, the fact that so many of us seem to get real support from being together on here - I thank BB for it!

Yes of course I survived. The woman I met for coffee put me at ease about my "paranoia" re making the wrong decision, upsetting or disappointing another person etc. without my telling all the details, just saying "I feel a bit guilty because....." She didn't seem to regard it as a big catastrophic thing at all...or that anyone would be terribly upset about it...whatever reason, I felt a bit better after seeing her, so glad I kept the coffee appointment. It was just near the Dentist, - looking at his building I thought "you;re so close, don't be an idiot...just go in, you can go home soon, be brave"

I had the feeling the universe or inner angel or whatever wanted to show me I could do it,no harm would come to me, urging me to give myself the chance to prove that "all will be well". I reminded them I had dentist fear, said I wanted to discuss something, not necessarily have a procedure, just talk about it....and they were Ok with that...giving me options and saying to call when ready to make an appointment....so the universe was right!

I did go home having achieved all 3 appointments without panic and nothing terrible happened. This is why I feel a fool when being so scared of everyday things!! I wish I could stop it!! thanks for your help...x

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Fantastic news. I'm so pleased you pushed yourself. I knew you would feel so empowered by doing it. I'm so, so glad that YOU DID IT!! and it all went so well. Yay you.

You have empowered me to face my fears today.

Thankyou

Lee!

[CMF]

Dear Moon,

I am so proud of you and so happy for you. you were on my mind all day. Isn't it a wonderful feeling of accomplishment when we get through it all and realise we survived. I find what helps is doing the same things again sooner rather than later so you don't forget that you can get through it ie if you need a procedure done at the dentist, don't leave it too long whilst you are still feeling positive about the dentist.

Have you been reading my mind Moon 'I would rather you had called me, than a close friend or family right here! Is it because you are "anonymous" - that must be the reason.' I was thinking exactly the same thing yesterday. I have been feeling quite lost and lonely since not posting on my other thread, i'm just not ready to as yet, need to create some space between me and it. I was thinking how I missed the contact with the people who were posting to me and how i much prefer to 'talk' to them about what is going on and how i am feeling than talk to family/friends. It is the 'anonymous' factor. I feel if i tell family then every time i see them they will be wondering what is going on and the may tell over family so i lose my privacy so to speak. I don't want everyone to know. Then there is the chance they may mention it in front of other family and i would feel exposed and having to explain. Besides that, if i am feeling good, which i am capable of, i don't want the rubbish brought up, I want to talk about it when i feel the need, on my terms. i don't want to drag up crap when i'm in a good place. I my opinion if you tell family/friends close by they will always have that thought of me, they also may not, they are too busy with their own stuff, but on here we all have that common denominator that has brought us together.

This reminds me, as you said not long ago no matter where are we can all look at the same moon tonight so we are connected either way.

Well done to you Moon, hope today is being good to you.

cmf x

[Moonstruck]

Hi CMF.....hope you're OK today. just wanted to let you know I looked up about that book you recommended on Assertiveness...and ordered a copy for myself. Also ordered one recommended by Dr Kim. x

Jugglin' really chuffed that you got excited for me. I wonder if many others realise how hard some of the things they do so easily, everyday stuff, can be so hard for some of us who have suffered terrible events in their past, resulting in their being frightened of everything now?

I recall when I went through a bit of agoraphobia some years back...could not leave the house without a few drinks to take away the fear. I read a list of the most traumatic life-changing stress making events that can happen to a person....and I had experienced about 4 of them including those at top of the list! Not years and years apart either..all within the space of just a few years, one after the other! I had not dealt with one trauma, when the next one happened - and so on and so on.

The result was that I was terrified to go out the door, interact with others, make decisions, met new people etc etc...because...I was so afraid of "what was going to happen to me next". That is the best way I can explain it. God I hope I don't end up like that again!

[Moonstruck]

Does anyone have any advice on this?

As you would know I an incapable making decisions. How do you tell if you are taking a "leap of faith" or "making a rash decision without thinking things through"????

PLEASE tell me how I can tell the difference? Because if I can't tell them apart in the future - I will continue to stay stuck in an unbearable place swinging back and forth, with anxiety swamping me - paralysed with fear!

I must be able to tell them apart so I don't make any more terrible mistakes in my life.

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

I sympathize. I'd like to say two things,

Firstly you are capable of making correct decisions, I'm not going to list them all because you make a lot, just a few off the top of my head.

You went and sought Kaz's advice and help the other day. - Good move. You have not closed the door to more bowling. - Another good one. The way you handle things when actually bowling - Again pretty good. Choosing to help others and selecting the right tone and words for each occasion - Marvelous.

Secondly when I've been in a similar situation to yours I've looked back later (sometimes years later) and thought perhaps it was fear and panic about consequences that took over at the time and stopped me seeing things. Sometimes if I'm lucky nowadays I can ask myself what is the worst that will happen and how will that affect me.

I also find that talking over some things first with another is a good move.

Dunno if any of this makes sense

Coix

[CMF]

Dear Moon,

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. Croix is right '...you are capable of making correct decisions...'.

I find that if i am unsure, as you feel atm, i take a step back from the situation and think about or write down the pros and cons. Add to that, as Croix suggested, the list of the worst that could happen and how it will affect you.

When things do not go the way we hoped we often think of it as having made the 'wrong' decision. I like to think that they are not wrong decisions but rather a change in direction and something to learn from. That fork in the road can put us on the path that was intended for us. Think of it that way, a fork in the road. If i take this direction, this will happen if i take that direction, that will happen. If it does not work our then as long as we learn the lesson it is not necessarily wrong. If it does not work out, it will put us on another path...and so the journey continues. Try no to be afraid of making the 'wrong' decision but instead look at the possibilities it opne up.

I hope this helps Moon. We are here if you need to chat more. I am so glad you ordered the book. You and ican be very similar, as you pointed out to me once, you see a younger you in me. As we have had similar situtaions with kids etc, I think you will love the book, it is such an eye opener.

Take care Moon, let us know how you are going.

cmf x