Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Over it at 41

Community Member
So I’ve managed to make it to 41 yrs old and have a wife and two beautiful kids 4 + 6 years old . The last 4 years have been horrible as far as my mental health is concerned. I managed to learn for myself that I wasn’t doing well at all so I took my self to the doctor and started to talk about things with a councillor.This helped me get through the coming years by making me aware of the anxiety and depression within my self. I feel that the tools I was given really helped me but certainly far from fixing me. 2 years ago unfortunately things escalated so I looked further into my mental health and was referred to a psychologist and he diagnosed me with adhd at 39 years old, so it was time to start that journey. Over a 12 month period I had regular Skype appointments which were about 300 dollars a pop, also I slowly went onto  a meds programme which by memory I got to a stage of increasing the dosage, I hated them as they gave me shakes and chills and felt no benefits mentally. With that I told the doctor and I was taken off them and that was that. Since then I have been trying my hardest to continue with the tools that I had learnt along the way. Along with struggling with this and having a young family and constantly arguing with my wife I have found it hard to work a full time job and or continue being self employed. My relationship with my wife is ruined to this point but we are still together for the kids and live in the same house but we do have completely different bank accounts and as financially separated as possible as far as married couple with a mortgage can be. Two months ago I was working and unfortunately sprained my ankle badly haven’t been able to bring in any money for my income. My ankle is feeling better now but my bloody mental health has gone. I really want to take this time to try and sort my head out to try and avoid this from happening again. I’m completely broke now and have no choice but to get back to work. I cannot get Centrelink benefits due to my wife higher income. I really felt that I had an idea which was to access my super to get me through this tough time as I never touched it through out the pandemic. I have no chance for this to happen which I think is disgraceful. Shame on the government for being so strict and no shits given towards individuals mental health until it’s too late. I will be dead and my super will mean nothing. What do I do next because I’m just about done 🤦‍♂️ 
3 Replies 3

Dear Tonstar,

Thank you for posting tonight, and welcome to our beautiful, supportive online community.

We're so sorry to hear how difficult and overwhelming your life has become and how things have gotten to the point that it has even affected your relationships (and now you're struggling with financial stress on top of it all). We know that you're strong because you're still here and you've been keeping on for a long time under conditions that have threatened to swamp you.

Because we're worried about your well-being, we've reached out to you privately as well (please check your inbox).

Please don't forget we're here for you 24/7 - on the forum, or via the phones. We have trained counsellors, and it's all completely confidential. Call us on 1300 22 4636 or perhaps you might prefer webchat?

One thing we don't want you to forget is how important and valuable you are. We know how hard it can be to cope and feel the pressure of looking after our families and when things go wrong it can feel like the end sometimes.

Please continue to reach out - we're here for you.

Warm regards, 

Sophie M

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hello Tomstar, welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry I've taken a little while to reply. My problem is I don't really know what to say, because my circumstances are so different. I'm never married, no kids, no full-time job to lose, no mortgage responsibilities, have been on a pension for a long time, so I don't even know what Centrelink may or may not offer you.... It all sounds very sard having to deal with so much.

I think I would prioritise the family relationship. How you & your wife relate to each other effects your kids. Relationships Australia would be a good place to start. I hope your wife would want to be involved in improving your relationship. When both parents are interested in working together, there is a greater possibility for a better relationship, which would benefit everyone.

I apologise for not having more to offer.

Please feel free to chat here anytime.


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Tonstar,


Im sorry you are feeling this way.


Have you tried to get access to your superannuation due to financial hardship?

Im sorry your relationship has suffered I understand this would be difficult.


Mental health conditions can be hard to deal with and we need to have the correct professional help to help us to manage them.


I hope that things begin to look up for you soon.