Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Junior412]

Tayla,

Never feel bad, and never feel sorry you "can't help more." As I've said in earlier posts you guys mean the world to me, I've finally found people who go through the same miserable daily grid as I do. You're a source of strength and happiness of which you'll never believe. I'm here for you as much as I know you're here for me.

More hugs and kisses of support for you girl.

Simon xx

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Simon and Tayla

Thanks for sharing your stories here. It's very brave of you to share, and I hope in a way it's also cathartic. You're both carrying a lot and your pain is understandable. I hope eventually we all find the peace we're looking for in our lives. But you're absolutely right, for now, it's nice to be able to lean on each other for support.

I don't have PTSD, so I don't know what that's like. I've just been trying not to think about my ex, but I seem to dream about him instead, which upsets me when I wake up, and I find it hard to move on from that. It's a lesser trauma than yours, but traumatic nonetheless. I'm trying to move on...

I took your advice Andrew and went to yoga. You said "it's when you least want to do it that you need to do it", which is funny because my yoga teacher said exactly the same when I told her I didn't want to do one of the yoga poses. Thanks for the little boot up the bum 😉

Hugs all round, and thanks for being here and being great people!

Oh, and a quote for today - "A broken crayon still colours" (I'd like to say that to my ex, while giving him the finger sign lol)

[iamanxiety]

thanks for sharing Simon. I was touched by your story.

Hi Katy. glad you went . did you notice you felt a little better afterwards.

I need to take my own advise. I spent the week busy and it helped having some structure although it gets exhausting pretending all the time. to say I woke up at sunrise and just stayed in bed wich is really unheaunheallthy. I'm so eaxausted I'm struggling to do anything today

hope you are all having a better time.

love the quote Katy

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Morning Andrew

It does get tiring to pretend all the time, so take it easy on yourself today. How you feeling about your upcoming work trial? Structure in the days is definitely helpful. I'm looking forward to uni starting in a month.

And yes, super glad I went to yoga last night. I always enjoy it, it's just hard getting myself there.

Hope your day improves 🙂 Hugs

[iamanxiety]

Hi Katy,

it's been a really tough day. I woke up at sunrise after some uncomfortable vivid dreams. I stayed in bed which I know is not good for me. I can't go back to sleep as my mind races with negative intrusive thoughts . got out of bed and sat on the shower floor. deppresing know lol.

I'm dressed now and I msged a friend to go to gym soon. I'm hoping I will feel a little better afterwards. I will make sure I squeeze in a fast run and sweat it out.

I have a lot of self doubt, it's been a year since I last worked. I have been spending the last few days practicing on my computer to refresh my mind. the architectural program I use is really complicated but in a way it's good because I can get lost in it and is a great distraction. I wake up everyday and start to think of excuses not to go but eventually I talk my self into going. I won't put to much pressure on myself, if I get it great,if not it was a stepping stone to recovery. I wasn't that long ago that I was not leaving the house and was going to check myself into a hospital.

what are you planning to study. Uni would be great for the social interaction, distraction and structure.

hope your day is going well

Andrew

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

Well done going to yoga. That took strength. Andrew hit the nail on its head "it's when you least want to do it that you need to do it". I think I need to stick notes with this message all over the house to remind me.

When you dream of your ex & wake upset, do you have anything you can do to break the thought cycle. Some people find keeping a notebook by their bed & writing down what is distressing them on one page & then writing down positives on the opposite page can help them lessen the distress. Other people do mindfulness exercises or physical exercise. I have found concentrating on giving my dog a full health check helps. (yes it is an odd solution, but it works for me, he sleeps on my bed). So don't be afraid to look out of the box for what might work for you.

I liked your quote (and the finger) 😊

Huggily hugs

Paws

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hey Andrew, sorry you had a tough day yesterday! I hope today's looking a little brighter for you. Check in and say hi if you feel up to it 🙂

How did the gym sesh go? You're lucky you have someone to go with. I imagine that helps with the motivation.

Yeah it's hard being out of work for that long. But I think that's a good way to look at it, that trying for a job is a step to recovery. I've actually applied for two jobs in the last couple of months. It was scary even applying. I didn't get either of them, and that's perfectly ok, because applying is a step in itself. I'm not sure (at all!!!!) that I'm job ready. Just trying to push myself forward a bit. So I hear ya!

I'm actually going into my final year of uni this year. I study online though so there's not that face to face interaction, but yes there is still distraction and structure, which I'm looking forward to. Life's very purposeless at the moment and that's no good for anyone.

Katy

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Paws

Sorry you've had a bit of a down period too. Some days really are just 'no thanks'. It is what it is. But I'm glad to see you back. And yes, I've often thought of sticking all sorts of sticky notes over the place, like 'breathe' lol

Well I didn't dream of my ex last night. I dreamt about Buddy Franklin who I think is a footballer? Maybe I need to find a book about what dreams mean? But in all seriousness, thankyou for the advice. I decided yesterday thanks to reading someone else's post on here, that I'm still in a grief period. So my head is all over the place and I just have to find a way to deal with the different emotions that are coming up. The first two weeks were sort of angry and not missing my ex, and now lately it's been tears and missing him. Which also feels like a betrayal of myself, because he was really unkind to me and doesn't deserve to be missed. It's all a bit confusing and yuk. And here come more tears... ugggh

Thanks for more hugs. I love hugs. Hope today's ok for you x

Katy

[Guest_4643]

Hi everyone.

Sorry I haven't been here for a bit, needed a bit of a break.

Hope everyone's alright. Love and hugs to everybody.

Tayla x

[iamanxiety]

Hi Katy,

yes it is a big step even applying when you've in a poor state of mind. I found even turning my computer on was giving me crippling anxiety. I guess baby steps has got me to a point where I'm going to interviews and now a trial.

gym was good ,always is once I go .

glad you are finishing your course I'm sure it will feel like a great accomplishment. I too studied online . it worked out well for me but a class structure would have been good for the social contact.

anyway I start this new job tomorrow. trying not to put to much pressure on myself . I really went to the interview just using it as a stepping stone but disaster he liked me lol so I'm getting a trial

all the best

Andrew