New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[startingnew]

take it easy and rest up Nath and know we are here for you if you want to chat

hugs

xoxox

[Pysis]

Hi pepper

yeah it is hard it's like my sister has moved away or something, for a long time she was the only person who believed in me and just accepted me for me. Quite,honestly she saved my life when I left school when I was 13 I had no one no friends my family didn't want much to do with me and I was in a really bad place but she was there for me she just talked to me and treated me with respect and kindness that at the time I needed, I was considering taking my own life when the pool opened up again and Sara was there I hadn't seen her for a while but she just made me feel safe I guess and wanted and I'll always be grateful to her for that.

hope you get better soon that's how my thing started its pretty crap hey.

thanks pepper

Nath

[Pysis]

Hi star

thankyou I've been resting most of the day and my breathing is better now, I hope your getting some rest as well.

sending hugs and love

Nath

[startingnew]

hey bud

im glad your resting up. i wish i was doing that but i cant rest. mum was suppose to be off work tomorrow and i had abit of a stink about it but im too low on energy to argue with her tonight. so again ill have the kids tomorrow again and watching movies again. i might be able to get some study in too

[Cesca1557]

hey nath,
haha glad he isnt going on about it anymore, a breakup will do that to you.

hows the virus going?
are you still planning on going to the colour run tomorrow even now that you are sick?

[Pysis]

Hi star

watching movies dosent sound to bad a least your not doing anything to physical a or outside in the cold. How old are your sisters surely you should be able to sleep for half an hour or so?

thinking of you

Nath

[Pysis]

Hi c

yeah the virus isn't to bad tonight my breathing is better now, I really think it's kind of a combination of a few things I've got this virus and then the bloke that leases our property has put canola in so I think I've got a bit of hay fever as well wich gives me asthma. Yeah I'm going to the colour run tomorrow but I'm not running in it I'm just watching my mum and youngest brother.

Hope your feeling a little better

Nath

[swtpotato]

Hi Nath (and everyone)

Hope everyone's feeling a little better! I am surprised I'm not sick too - I tend to fall when everyone else does.

I've been to the colour run before - heaps of fun! Also worst place for someone with hayfever and asthma haha, good thing you're not in it. Watch from a safe distance pls.

Nath I get what you're feeling with Sara. Last year I lost my best friend of 15 years (as in we stopped talking..nothing bad happened to him) Made me have an identity crisis - never realised how wrapped up I was in the people around me. It sucks but change happens, it'll be tough but once it all settles you will become more independent and confident in yourself. I am not saying you will lose Sara, just that relationships change, we change, and we have to figure out how we are going to adapt to it. I hope you guys will get to talk soon.

How is your online counselling going btw?

Em

[Pysis]

Hi em

yeah I'm the same as soon as there is anything going around I get it.

im feeling a bit better today, I didn't end up going to the colour run I acedently slept in and mum wanted me to look after my younger brother and his friend.

im sorry to hear about your friend. I don't mean to pry but was there a fight or something?evey one keeps telling me that relationships just change sometimes but there is more to this I'm pretty sure it's to do with her husband he is really controlling and I don't like him very much. It's been really wierd it was literally one day she was open with me and telling me everything and then the next she shut me out, she's still been talking to me but it's not the same wich makes me think her husband has something to do with it becuase he goes through her phone. It's more than a friendship for me and her as well we are family I don't have much family and neither dose she and she has always called me family and her kids are like my nephew and nieces so it's hard not seeing them as well.

yeah alright she's in America and cyclone Iraq just hit them so I haven't heard much from her latley but I got a message today.

how are you today?

thinking of you

Nath

[startingnew]

Hey Nath


how has your day been?


I didnt get a sleep in but was able to watch a movie or 2. then I ended up taking them out shopping and then had to go to work.
Had to do a bit of physical work but too much, these new meds help as long as im not out in the wind or cold im seeming to be abit better today