New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[Pysis]

Hi pepper.

yeah missing someone sucks bit I got to talk to her again this morning she seems more willing to talk at the moment. Yeah k still don't really know where I stand with her at the moment which is really confusing becuase I've known where I stood for the past 8 years but now I don't really know i know she still cares about me but everything is differnt now.

yeah spot on there with my boss she's hasn't always been like this she hired a new girl at the start of the year and has just been wierd ever since the girl she hired pisses me off she's all over the shop and is the most airey fairly person I've ever met and continually tells me that my dads the nicest guy ever and I should try and work on my relates hip with him I haven't told her anything about my dad and she dosent even know me but still she insist on telling Me I'm the bad guy.

Thank you I try to work hard but at the moment I'm struggling to find the motivation there is so much that needs doing around the farm but I can't be stuffed.

thinking of you

Nath

❤️

[Pysis]

Hi star

yeah it sucks mums home from work today sick and my youngest brother is sick in bed as well I'm slowly getting worse I'm coughing up green stuff now so I've probably got a chest infection.

yeah cats can live for around 20 years or more, she's ok now she's still sore but of, God it scared me though.

yeah Sara talked to me a bit this morning but she didn't say much she was distracted, she says she's ok but I'm still worried about her her husbands bought this stupid Dexter bull and has put it in the paddock right next to her bedroom so she's not getting any sleep and he snores as well and won't get a snoring machines so she's working long hours without sleep. She tries not to worry me I know that but I can always tell whe n somethings up and she just hasn't been her for a long time now she's normally really fun and happy but at the moment she's so serious and just dosent seem happy.

Yeah my boss has been really good to me over the years she was my art teacher for a number of years before I started working for her but she's just changed so much and is being really difficult the problem to is I'm not just losing work from her I'm losing rousabout and sheep work from her husband as well so that sucks but they are dificult to work for some times to he's gone off at me a few times becuase I was working "to quickly" and the I needed to slow down.

hope your ok star

thinking of you

Nath ❤️❤️

[swtpotato]

Hey Nath

I just wanted to come say hi on your own thread, it looks like you have a lot of support already but it is nice to check in every now and then. It's great you heard from your friend!

Also hello to everyone here! 🙂

Hope everyone's having an ok day

Em

[startingnew]

Ew yuk, yeah thats a sure sign of an infection. It might not be a chest infection though. There are heaps of different sorts of viruses and infections (ive studied them) that produce green crap. Its an infection though so might have to go to the gp to get some antibiotics or something whatever they see fit to do for you.


Oh wow I didnt know they lived that long some of them, im glad shes ok though.


At least you heard from her. Even if she doesnt tell you whats up at least shes speaking to you and thats all you can do ; be there for her.


Again thats not your fault, not all work opportunities will be the right one. I think despite it being hard not to work. Let them come back to you. You were having so many dramas and it just wasnt worth it. Your mental state is more important than going to work to be bullied.
Youve got some jobs coming up so try to stick with that. If you dont have much work then maybe you could advertise a day or 2 a week in a flyer for fencing etc jobs, im sure your fencing boss can give you a good reference to do a few more days work when she doesnt need you.

[startingnew]

Hey swtpotato (EM)
nice to meet you, do you havw a thread we can come and visit you on?

[Pysis]

Hi em

thanks for dropping it it means a lot you can never have to much suport.

thanks

Nath

[Pysis]

Yeah I'm going to give it a couple days and see how I'm going it's pretty hard to get appointments here so I'll wait and see.

yeah I'm glad I heard from Sara even if she was a bit distracte, she said we will talk again later today so hopefully we will.

Yeah I know it's not my fault it's just hard. I've got other jobs and bosses waiting for me to contact them and when I feel my hips up to it but it's more now about how I mentally feel. I'll probably start back with them once I get back.

thinking of you

Nath

[Pysis]

Ems thread is " existential and social anxiety - can you relate"

[swtpotato]

Hi startingnew

Nice to meet you too 🙂 I started a thread called: introduction: struggling with depression and isolation at uni. Since I started to get a lot of anxiety and it seemed off topic I then started the thread Nath mentioned. I'm still not really sure how it all works or what the best way to get support is.

Nath: sounds difficult to have so many health problems going on at once, hope it clears up soon.

Em

[Pysis]

Hi em

yeah I do to its making it hard for me to cope.

hope your ok

Nath