New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[Pysis]

Yeah it's a bit of a kick in the guts considering I just bought the bloody thing and have already almost paid it off now I owe pretty much as much as I did when I started. It's a really good ute but bloody hell I could of done without this right now that's $2000 that could of gone to raiseing it for cape York it probably would of paid for it oh well I guess it needs doing I've got the money there I just could of done without having to fork it all over right now.

Im doing better now thanks C I'm just really tierd I think I'm going to try and get some sleep

thanks so much to both you and star

thinking of you

Nath

[startingnew]

Tbh im scared to ring them too i generally connect on chat too.

Dont feel pressure to ring theres always chat but if you can ring then go for it

[Cesca1557]

Im sure you will still be able to save up for cape york in time!

hope you had a lovely night sleep and are doing well today

[startingnew]

hey buddy

how are you today?

yesterday was pretty rough for you hey

[Pysis]

Hey star

I'm feeling better today but I'm sick with something I've got headaches, cough, runny nose, nausea the whole works. I went shooting with me brother this morning for a couple hours down at the creek that was pretty good I didn't get anything but my brother did. And the when I got home I just started feeling sick but I went and picked up me ute from the mechanic and when I got home I just crashed I've been asleep for a few hours.

yeah yesterday was pretty rough my cats ok now she's just really bruised and sore but I think she will be ok, yesterday just went to crap on me I was so exited in the morning that I heard from Sara and then everything happend and I didn't end up hearing from Sara agian so I still haven't been able to have a decent conversation with her which sucks. After last night I just crashed I was knackered. Thanks again for being here for me last night.

nath

[Pysis]

Hi C

i picked up me ute today and I have to admit it feels a lot better to drive so it was worth it.

yeah I had a really good nights sleep last night thank you I hope you did to.

thanks.

Nath

[startingnew]

hey Buddy

it sounds like youve got the dreaded lurgy (flu), hopefully itll be a speedy recovery for you.

im glad you were able to go to the creek and spend some good time with your brother as well.

and another positive is that you were able to get your ute and drive it as well. im glad you were able to get it fixed.

im glad your mums cat is ok. and i know its hard for you without Sara, i get it im feeling the same as you. i did get to speak and spend some time online with her but i know shes struggling too i was just happy to hear from her

what are your plans for tonight and tomorrow?

[Pysis]

Hi star

yeah I waiting to get it my brothers have had it and my boss had it while I was working with her so it was just a matter of time the problem with me is I always get everything so much worse than other people like if I get gastro I don't get the one that lasts one or 2 day it always lasts like a week or so and its the same with stuff like this so I'm really hoping I don't get a chest infection.

yeah I'm gald my cats doing better she's getting old now she's 13 now she was my first proper pet I got her for my 6th birthday.

Im just so over missing Sara I really honestly don't know why I do so much I mean I've always missed her when I haven't seen her before but I've gone months with out talking to her or seeing her yes I always thought about her and missed her but nothing like this I don't know weather it's becuase of my depression so I feel like I need her more or what but God it actually hurts, I'm so worried about her all the time and I don't know what to do. I was happy to here from her yesterday but it literally told me nothing about how she's going she just said that she couldn't catch up this weekend and she would talk to me later which never happend.

i don't have any plans for tonight but tomorrow I have to go down to a dam on the neighbors property for studie and take photos of the birds on there but other than that I don't have any plans. I tried contacting my boss who did the puppet show today to see if she wanted me to do some gardening and all she wrote to me was no thank you so I think I've probably lost that job she's been such a cow over the whole thing I did what she asked me to and more but she's angry becuase I choosing work with my fencing boss over work with her but I told her when I started with her that if my fencing boss needed me I needed to work for her and she was fine with that at the time but now she gets angry all the time becuase of it. What am I supposed to do I've been working for my fencing boss since I was 14 and I've known her my entire life and I make heaps of money from her she sets me up with other jobs like roustabouting and handyman jobs so she's been really good to me. I don't know maybe it wouldn't hurt to get rid of a few jobs I've got more gardening jobs coming up so that will help.

Thinking of you ❤️❤️❤️

Nath

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Nath,

Seems like you've been having a rough time as well...

Missing someone hurts...as you already know, and especially with someone like Sara where there's so much rich history between the 2 of you. I think it's that much more painful because you also don't know where you stand with her...it must be so hard.

This boss that you mentioned certainly does seem as though she has been difficult to work with lately. Demanding and temperamental, dare I say. I'm glad you at least have some upcoming gardening jobs. I admire your tenacity and work ethic.

Kind thoughts,

Pepper xo

[startingnew]

Yeah it really sucks how the lurgy travels isnt it, it only takes one sneeze or cough from someone who has it for us to get it.


Oh wow I dont think cats generally last that long do they? She sounds very special to you and to your mother as well. A long term family pet are often the ones hardest to say goodbye to.


Your missing Sara and thats understandable. Your worried about her because of whats shes going through. The only thing you can keep telling yourself is your doing your best to communicate with her but you can only do so much. She has to put some effort in as well and if shes as busy as you say then shes probably just busy. I know its hard and I know how you feel. It just really really sucks.


You know what.... that boss saying no thank you could really be that blessing in disguise. You wanted to get out of that work for her and heres your chance. She said no so take it and run with it. I think sticking with the fencing boss is a lot more beneficial to you in many wasy including financially and also mentally. Its better to have the positive and more helpful people around you and at least this way no more award or days you try to get out of for your other boss- the mean one.