New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[startingnew]

Ok Nath, the next time I feel like SH ill tell you. Sometimes I forget I have people here, or am a burden to here so I internalise things. Its still a habit of mine and itll take a while to get out of esp since ive done it for the past 20yrs so its pretty hard to change.


Wow that sounds pretty cool even if its only a day or so. Thats still pretty cool!


My day was ok, bus and tired now but ok

what did you get up to today?

plans for tomorrow?

[Pysis]

Hi cesca

thank you I'm pretty exited about it.

My days been ok thank you I didn't get up to to much but it wasn't to bad.

thanks

nath

[Pysis]

I don't want you to feel pressured to reach out to me but when you are feeling like that just talking to someone might help. I understand not wanting to reach out sometimes me reaching out is really unlike me I tend not to like to ask for help and don't like worrying people but it's something that I have needed to do, your doing such a good job considering everything but please don't ever feel you have to go through anything alone.

um I didn't really do to much today I was just on here and did some study and watched a bit of tv and then I went to my Physio this arvo and he pretty well stopped the pain in my hip it was all coming from my back apparently. And tomorrow I'm working again fencing I'm hoping it's a better day than yesterday I'm looking forward to seeing how many more goats have given birth.

thinking of you

Nath

[Peppermintbach]

Hey Pysis,

I'm glad to hear that yesterday seemed to be a relatively relaxing day. I get the impression that you're quite busy so it's good that you could kick back and chill a little for a change...self care is important 🙂

I'm glad the physio helped stop/ease the pain. I've heard back pain is horrendous...shudders at the thought...

Sending you kind thoughts and I hope you do heaps more art. Look after yourself, okay 😉

Pepper xo

[startingnew]

I know I dont have to do through anything alone. You werent pressuring, you were showing concern. Thats ok, but I will be ok even in those states even though most of the time I dont feel like it. Theres only been a few times ive given up but I dont like to do that. Id prefer to win the battles not keep loosing because I wasnt strong enough to fight them.
Sometimes its better for me to shut down rather than reach out for help.


Oh thats good, im glad you got your pain sorted out. I know how much thats restricting. I hope your days agood one, I bet the baby goats are really cute.

[startingnew]

hey buddy

how are you going?

hows everything?

hows work and study going?

thinking of you

sending lots of hugs

xoxoxo

[Pysis]

Hi star

im ok today thank you when I'm busy and doing somthing I enjoy I feel so much better, I'm just really tierd I had another long day working today I'm struggling to lift everything becuase I've lost so much muscle mass. Works been good I made $365 in three days so that's pretty good and my fencing boss is so much better than some of my other bosses I'm working for her again next Wednesday and Thursday.

Dad being difficult at the moment again so I'm just keeping away from him and rats ate one of my birds last night so I'm a bit upset about that but everything else is ok and I heard from my freind Sara to it wasn't much of a message but I'm happy that I heard from her at least she hasn't completely forgotten me.

Oh and thank you star for reaching out to everyone last night I'm sorry I couldn't be here for you but I'm glad you reached out do people could help you.

thinking of you.

Nath

[startingnew]

Yeah loosing muscle tone is annoying but hood news is that it can be build back up.

im glad your working and you sound happier. Tired but more accomplished. Its good shes got more work for you too hopefully itll be a regular thing for you.

Yeah just avoid your father. Im glad your friend got back to you. Im missing my sara too. I havent really spoken to her much either. I miss her so much.

And thats ok about not being here. I could always check into hospital if things got tol out of hand as well

[Cesca1557]

So happy that you got to do another day of work again today! It might be tiring but its so good to get back out there and build that muscle again
hope you buy something nice with even a little bit of the money you earned! you deserve it

yay! thats so good that you have heard from sara, even if it wasnt exactly what you wanted its better than nothing and like you said, nice to know that she is still there for you

thinking of you

[Pysis]

Hi star

yeah losing as much muscle tone as I gave is really anoint but I'm hoping if I can get a bit more physical work I can get back to where I was, I weighed 105 kg before I lost all my muscle but now I weigh 85kg so I've lost a heap of muscle.

i am so much happier just getting out in the padocks and doing stuff is so nice and my boss is a family friend so she is really fun and happy most of the time.

Yeah I always avoid my sad though I've spent most of my life in my room becuase of him but he's busy today so I'm hoping to get out and do some stuff I have to make a shelter for my goats so I might start that.

i heard again from my Sara this morning and she said we can talk later on so that's made me really happy I've missed her so so much but at least now I know she hasn't forgotten me completely. I know you must be missing your Sara a lot but I'm sure you'll hear from her soon she is just going through a rough patch.

oh star I really hope it's dosent come to that I'm around for the next few days if you need me.

thinking of you

Nath