New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[Pysis]

No star sorry but I do have to worry about how you feel this might be my thread but I'm not being a very good person or friend if I'm not considering you, my stuff is positive so it can wait. right now you need to focus on you, I'm not someone who is going to talk about myself when you are really struggling that's just not who I am, I have a freind in the real world he has pts do and depression and when I first got depressed I started to talk to him it didn't help him in anyway and I felt bad about talking to him so I stopped and only contact him now every now and the he is going ahead in leaps and bounds now and I've started to talk about me again becuase I know he is ok. What I'm saying star is I'm not going to talk about me when I know you are having a really hard time right at this moment when I now your feeling a bit better again then I will talk about me.

So tell me how your day has been what has happened to make you so upset?

i haven't known you very long but I care about you ok so I'm not going to do anything right now that I think will make you feel worse. It's time to focus on you star.

[Pysis]

Hi pepper

yeah my panic attacks only last about 5 minutes or so now day I had for many years had enough controle over them that I would shut them down before they even begun but lately with everything they just get the better of me for a while and then I manage to get on top of them pretty quickly.

yeah I can't really ring her she works up to 19 hours straight and isn't allowed to answer her phone so that's why I send her messages but she hasn't even looked at them, I know she's been on Facebook and has talked to other people I don't maybe she is just sick of me. She has been a very big part of my life and I'm just not prepared to loss her, I don't know maybe she is just really busy but she hasn't been herself for a long time now.

we didn't end up getting enough snow to make a snow,an unfortunately we found snow but not enough. We were going to make a snow man in the local primary school grounds for the kids but we will have to wait till there's a bit more snow.

thank you

nath

[startingnew]

I would rather talk about others than myself Nath.

takes my mind of me even if its for a few minutes though sometimes i cabt do anything except flop on the couch.

Lets hear these positive things

[Pysis]

Ok star

well I had a good day at work today, it was cold and horrible but I enjoyed it I was working on a goat farm and there were lots of baby goats. And then when I got home I had a message from a lady I knowin the animal world and she said a pride of prey photographer and expert I know was trying to get hold of me but my phone dosnt work so he couldn't get hold of me so I rang him on my home phone and it turns out he wants to come to my town and take photos of our local birds of prey and he wantsme to help him. So that means I will be tracking owls at night with a spot light and basically being a guid for him around my town becuase I know where all the local bird of prey are.

Sorry I didn't mean to be harsh before I'm just worried about you that's all.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi,

Nath- It does sound like your panic attacks play up more when you're under pressure...which makes sense. Although I'm glad you seem to have ways to manage them.

That must hurt to know she's been talking to other people yet for whatever reason has been distant with you. Hopefully things will turn around as I know she means the world to you...and that more snow comes your way 🙂

Kind thoughts. Good night 🙂

Pepper

[startingnew]

Good Morning Nath
sorry it took me so long to come and reply here. Its hard to keep up when im in that state.
Please dont hold back in what you want to say.
Also ive done the same mistake as you. Ive talked about myself who was struggling and it didnt go the way id planned either. So I get it but please dont hold back with what you want to say. This is your thread and is designed for you to talk about anything anytime no matter what ok.


Now about your panic attacks- remember the thread I suggested as well


and your good news! Wow! That is so awesome! Wow! When is this going to happen? How long for?

[Pysis]

Don't apologise star it's ok, I'm just glad your ok. No more self harming ok your to good for that.

Oh yeah sorry I'll jump over there now and comment on it.

um the blokes going to ring me on the 18th and let me know when he's coming up. Do you mean how long we will be doing it for?

thnks star

thinking of you

nath

[startingnew]

i cant make promises Nath. it takes alot to make me SH so when i do its been fought off for a long time and id been fighting those for over 4 hrs before i gave in to them.

and yeah how long is the photographer going to be around for? it sounds like an awesome opportunity and a priviledge to be able to show him around and get to help as well! thats awesome

[Pysis]

That's ok star just promise me next time you have those thoughts you'll reach out me me ok, you don't have to go through anything alone.

um he will be around just for a day and a night so we will try and find as many birds of prey as we can during the day and then at night we will go looking for owls which we have a lot of including endangered species. I've worked with him before but that was a differnt project I've been helping with for the past 4 years or so trapping brush tailed phascogales or turns for dna research but this is particularly exiting for me becuase birds of prey are kind of my thing.

hows your day been star hope it was better than yesterday.

nath

[Cesca1557]

hi nath,

so excited for you that you get to be involved in the birds of prey project. its sounds very exciting

how has your day been today?