New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[Pysis]

I'm going to go with my brother and ask the closest neighbor wether it's his i don't really want to go becuase he scares me but I need to look after my brothers.

[startingnew]

Hey how did last night go?

[Pysis]

Um in terms of asking the neighbor, he's wife answered so that was alright so she seems nice enough he scares me though, he was arrested 3 nights in a row for drink driving and then strapped a lawnmower motar to his bike which was ilegal and then was cuaght drink driving on it and a friend had to kick him of a few Facebook pages becuase he was being mean about other people. i was so happy when his wife answered the door.

and the meeting went alright I saw my male friend which was good he's a funny bloke and then I road in the car with dad on the way home and we didn't have an argument which was probably a first so that was good.

and in terms of sleep, I didn't get much like usual but I managed to sleep in this morning a little so I don't feel to bad. I didn't feel as bad last night but I still didn't feel great.

how bout you how was your night? I hope it was ok.

[Pysis]

Hi is there anyone out there that can just talk for a while.

thanks guys

nath

[Pysis]

God just spent the last hour or so cooking dinner for my 2 younger brothers and a kid that might as well be my brother and the youngest one didn't even look at it and he told me I'm not eating your shit, stuff him he can go without God I hate being the oldest sometimes.

[Guest_128]

Hey what's up?

[velvetfaerie]

Yo Pysis!!

to echo Dory - WASSUP!!??

You like animals? Me too. They're the best people hey? Well, apart from the BB folk.

Velvz.

[Pysis]

hi dory

I'm just worrying about everyone at the moment we are looking after my little brothers friend at the moment becuase his mums really not well with a back problem but I just learned that she has discharged herself from hospital and is home now, right now all this is the last thing the poor kid needs he suffers really badly from depression and anxiety and has just moved schools to the same school as my brother Monday becuase he was having issues at his other school which his mother made him go to. Anyway now that she has discharged herself she isn't any better than when she went in and really can't look after herself let alone this poor kid he is so neglected and has become part of my messed up family over the years.

and I learnt the other day that my best friend is having a lot of issues with her husband he is acusing her of having and afair with her supervisor which I know she isn't becuase she just isn't like that at all, he's going through her phone and won't let her see her brother that had a major accedent she dosent talk to much of her family becuase they were really abusive but she has a bit to do with this brother and I'm pretty sure she's not talking to me becuase her husband is jealous of the friendship I have with her she's like my sister and I love her and her kids with all my heart and I promised I would always be there for her but I don't know how to help her I want to be there for her but she is so busy she can't even talk, I don't know what to do.

And then I'm really angry with my dad he took all my tools from my shed the other day without me knowing I had just spent a whole week sorting my shed out after my brothers trashed it and know he's gone and taken everything I managed to get some of it back but a lot of it is rusty and there is still stuff missing, I'm really angry I actually have a lock on my shed to stop him from getting in there but somehow he figured it out.

sorry for the rant but I'm just so overwhelmed and panicky.

[Pysis]

Hi velvs

yeah I love animals I've worked in a few zoos over the years and I have a lot myself and yeah they tend not to let me down like people have in my life.

You guys on here have just been amazing thank you so much.

[Pysis]

Hi dory to answer your question about why I like birds

I'm not really sure exactly why but I think they are just cool they are one of the most diverse group of animals on earth and they have all got so much character, my real love of birds first came when I started to rescue them it started with a baby galah and over time I've ended up with a lot of differnt speicies and I've also worked with birds at a zoo I volunteered for for 2 years I worked with owls, Eagles, cassowaries, kestrels, penguins, kookaburras, parrots you name it I worked with it as well as a lot of other animals as well.

but yeah if you want to ask any questions feel free any time.