New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[Guest_128]

Right,you know me buy now,

keep out of the crap with your friend, you are 18 and have all this bs that is wrong. The Ki with you is not your problem,let your mum ,dad woman with kid deal with it.

You should not have any of this on your shoulders as much as you are a beautiful caring person,seriously not your problem.

Now the birds,

i have bout 50 wild ducks in my dam,2 white crazy ducks,6 chooks,black cockies,Gaulars,parrots,plubers,shagges,kookaburra,finch,lorikeets,hawks,eagles,butcher birds,flying crows(hate them)heaps more.

Dory

[Pysis]

God I miss my friend so much right now all I want to do is talk to her and ask how her and the kids are going but I don't want to make things harder for her I made her angry before I started reaching out on here becuase she dosent have time for me at all at the moment but every time I had a panic attack I would reach out to her it Aus been the only thing that's kept me going for the last 5 months she was the last person I felt I could rely on in my life and now I just feel lost and like I'm just floating through space.

[Guest_128]

My post is with the mods I think,

Try and settle from what I have read she will be ok,

Tomorrow is another day my friend.

Dory

[Pysis]

I'm really scared I've are her hate me, she's all I've had for years now and I haven't heard from her since the start of last week we used to talk everyday, I miss her so much and just finding out that she's going through all this other stuff makes me feel like the worst friend ever. I'm so over everything I wish I could just have my life back.

[Pysis]

Sorry I'm just falling apart right now, I just don't know who to fix myself this time.

[Guest_128]

I know, she hasn't stopped talking to you at all,as you would know we are all over the shop.

It is hard for us to rely on just one member friend,we need to push ourselves outside the square and talk to others.

Yes you need to realise that Star has problems too,don't panic she will be back soon.

its getting late, get some sleep without it you are no good.

see ya tomorrow

Dory😘

[velvetfaerie]

YAY ANIMALS,

Ive been a vet nurse for.... 16 years lol. RSPCA, private stuff, university stuff.

critters rule!!

Im a bird person too. Corvids. So clever.

You sound like an incredibly sensitive, kind person. I hope you hear from your friend soon.

We are all here for you.

V.

[Guest_128]

Well flying canneries I did not know that Vel

what a spin out

[Pysis]

Oh sorry dory I'm not talking about star I'm worried about her to but I'm talking about my best friend that I've had for the past 8 years she's going through so much at the moment and I feel like I've let her down an ruined our friendship becuase of this horible depression I have.

[velvetfaerie]

Learning a little about fish in recent times too....... hehe