My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[Croix]

Dear Matt~

Thank you very much for your post in:

Staying well/ Store Your Happy Memories Here:

They struck the right note, being things that not only you can contemplate with happiness, but are just the sort of things others will relate to and find peace with too.

My thanks

Croix

[1113]

Hi Croix,

No probs. Awesome idea too.

I hope your day was ok. I'm kicking back with a lamington after a full on day. Heaps of walks even went in the pool.

You should join in on the trivia, kangas strya thread

Peace

Matt

[1113]

Anger philosophy beginning..inspiration..The sycomore!

The sycamore was the sacred tree of the Egyptians. The sycamore is a nobel tree and its appearance is often a sign that there is nourishment about. It is a reminder to build on old gifts and to express them in new ways. The staff can open communication between the conscious and subconscious minds when used in meditation. It strengthens the life force of the individual and opens the opportunities to receive "intuitive and spiritual gifts" from the universe.

The sycamore is also a sign that gifts are on the horizon. These gifts may come in the form of assistance, compliments, etc. It is important to receive them graciously, for if we do not receive the little things, the universe will not bring us the big things. It can open us to the energies of love and Nature and all their magnificent aspects. The sycamore will augment all connections to Nature, and its appearance in our life encourages us to draw upon the realm of Nature for health, abundance and inspiration. Ancient Egyptian, Biblical and symbolism.

Philosophy of anger...............

Passive anger? Check

What is anger, and how is it differentiated from other emotions?

For me personally, its a feeling of disgust. Hurt that continues to grow. I have done a few different martial arts and learnt that anger is not good to use for fighting. So I don’t get angry if I'm assaulted or pushed etc. Atm I'm angry the most at the state the world is in. E.g. by 2020 2/3 of the animal population will vanish, world wide. Moreso everything that is making our children's future bleak.

In what circumstances is anger justified?

I find anger is justified when your environment is carelessly being threated or destroyed. It can create a boundary or force feild of protection. Moreso if certain insecurities are present.
When should we act on our anger, and how?

We shoul probably be proactively angry to gain the best possible outcome in this area.

What is the place of anger in a morally good life?

Morally anger is not good in day to day activities, i find it to mentally unhealthy as it produces a chemical imbalance which can be addictive.

Moreso if its ruining the chance for our childrens future we should act on that anger, this is morally "Just".

How can anger contribute to creating a better and more just world?
I think I just answered that.
What should a wise person’s attitude toward anger be?
I think I answered that.

Thats me done on anger. END.

Peace

[1113]

Clarification

From 1970 to 2020 2/3 animal population world wide will vanish. Such a short time. 80% ocean and rivers. 51% wildlife.

[Lost_Girl]

Hey Matt,

Stopping by. Thanks for starting the new thread, great idea. It is zn honour to get to know you better too.

Here is my tongue in cheek take on anger and friendship:

"Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.-Unknown“

[1113]

Hi Carol,

Thanks for the take on friends and friendship.

It made my day.

Peace and equality

Matt.

[blondguy]

Hey Matt

I hope you are doing reasonably okay

You have been on the forums for a long time and helped many people in pain and I hope you can stick around.

Chris Banks extended the Olive Branch today and invited you to apply if you wish to be a Community Champion.

You are more than welcome to do so Matt. Your input/assistance is appreciated more than you know.

ChrisB said : "Support" is something we all provide here on the forums, and I don't
think it really covers adequately what our community champions do.
Community champions are different from regular members in that they have
a formal volunteer's role, are part of a team, and spend many, many
hours on the forums writing posts and providing support and guidance to
people in distress, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
It's a title that recognises that service, and if it appears
aspirational, then I believe that's a good thing - it's a difficult and
demanding role to be responsible for providing ongoing peer support in a
space like this"

If you still have any concerns pertaining to the role of a Community Champion please let us know

always have and will be here for you Matt

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[1113]

Morning Paul,

I would be honoured to do that.

I need to gather myself, collect my thoughts and gracefully find meaning in the mist of my emotions.

You know I have a big heart. I'm feeling empty atm.

My Philosophy on life may not do the best for me. I was raised to be caring, supportive and understanding but I always put the needs of others before my own. It's taken a long time for me to stick up for myself. This doesn't sit right with me. I feel........It pains me to think I have hurt another. I have to find my center thought.

It's difficult for me to distance myself from help to it taking a toll on my own emotional reality.

I will respond to chris....

Thanks for your response, I truly appreciate you.

Peace

Matt

[blondguy]

Morning Matt

Its really great that you have responded and thanks heaps 🙂

You have so much to offer. I understand you when you say you feel empty, I also go through a similar phase when I look at this daggy old PC screen and have nothing to say.

You are equal to everyone else on here Matt including the champs. If we didnt have kind people like you on board the forums would lack the color they have now. Chris may be the boss but he always treats all posters and Champs with the same respect.

I hope that Tuesday treats you well Matt

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[1113]

Hi Paul,

No probs buddy.

I replied to chris.

My Tuesday has been awesome. It started off a bit down but I picked my self up by 11am. Had a great medwalk.

I really hope I would make a good champion. I think I've come around to the word.

I could do with some team work. Its been awhile since I've worked in a team.

Your thoughts or experience would help me out heaps.

Peace

Matt