My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[SourceShield]

...don't get me wrong, it's a great idea.

Much needed.

Inspiration cannot be 'graded'...it must be followed wholeheartedly!.

[SourceShield]

...my own personal opinion is...

Always start with what you know.

I feel that if you gear the thread for all parents but especially single-dads like you, it makes it more real, more relatable...there are many single dads out here that need your wisdom on this.

In that way you marry both the BroCode and The Parenting thread together as one!.

IMHO

But thats up to you to decide.

Peace

Kaitoa

[1113]

Bro,

The Royal family meet Flo Rida.

How was your wine last night?

I haven't reported on HWJT yet.

I have accepted a lot, grieved, recovered and had a major shift in energy.

All in all a good week.

Im just going to pat myself on the back

I could go and read the last weeks post, but I feel it in my heart. Thats what matters.

I have another block. Third eye.

I think thats a sign!

I like that idea of mixing them together! I will put some thought into that. Dads freaking rock. Lam.

You have a joyful day bro

Im going to work on the boat today! BBB.

Chat late

peace

Matt.

[SourceShield]

Bro,

Have a great day.

I posted where I'm at on OTT just now.

Keep moving forward bro.

I'm always here for you.

...follow inspiration and don't doubt yourself anymore!

Inspired means to be IN the SPIRIT of the moment.

Whether that be in the spirit of joy or kindness or compassion or clarity etc, be inspired!.

This is why I factor in Spiritfulness everyday - Be full of the spirit of loving-kindness and joyfulness everyday!.

Flo Rida meet Richard Branson.

I kinda feel like you no longer 'need' me now...because you've learnt to fly, and now you must be free!

I feel like Nanny McPhee <-LAM

"There is something you should understand about the way I work. When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go. It's rather sad, really, but there it is."

---Nanny McPhee

You must fulfill your own destiny my bro.

I am so happy and glad and grateful to have 'met' you.

Sincerely.

There has been an energy-shift in me too...I'm finally letting go of ALL the grief that I had kept inside for so many years, so I just wanted to thank you for being here with me, whilst I got that process going.

Thank you Matt.

Remember to stay harmoniously-balanced, so that MJ doesn't go too OTT. <-LAY

It feels weird to not have all that grief there but now I must fill up that void up with loving-kindness.

This is the way of the wise.

MuchLove&Joyfulness to you my brother.

Kaitoa

[1113]

Bro,

I just came in for a coffee.....I was thinking the same thing!

I completely agree with you.

Our time is now "valuable" to us and we must spend it wisely.

I am great full for your help.

I am glad I could help you too.

Brother are always brothers.

Its time to live again.

Dwelling is over!

This was our story-just keep moving.

Now it is "our story-time to fly". In reality!

Catch ya on OTT.

Im always here if you need me too.

Peace

BBB.

[SourceShield]

MuchLove my bro!

I hope you had a good day.

KSLAW! <-KAITOA SMILING LIKE A WINNER

[1113]

Bro,

You are winning!

I am free!

SWJLFI.... smiling with joy like a freaking idiot.

Peace

Matt

[SourceShield]

I'm super-happy for you my bro.

Be free.

SMAY! <-SMILING BACK AT YA!.

[1113]

Muchdeliciousness chefk

I will check in here with ya bro once a week unless i got issues.

Say sab.

SWJ

[SourceShield]

Sounds good bro!.

DITTO.

But make sure that you do check in, if ever you've got issues going on...don't be a stranger and don't be shy.

Brothers, and brothers...always!.

We are there for each other...no matter what.

SMAY.

ChefKDogg