My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[SourceShield]

Hey my bro.

Its going to be an interesting couple of weeks.

Gotta get all this stuff sorted but I have some time before work, and I thought that I would write to you, my brother.

Dont think that Im joking when I write that I see you Matt.

I'm a bit nervous about the near future, just got to get through these next few weeks.

I know I can do this.

I really happy to see you involved in OTT as well, as a leader there.

Keep it up.

You see? We do balance each other out.

Im still going to do my HWJT the night before, and youll just have to keep an eye out for it.

So glad that youve taken that on board.

HWJT - 4/12/16

Meta

C - Connect with Spirit - 60mins

A - Assist and serve others - 60mins

R - Recognise and realise - 60mins

E - Express creatively - 60mins

Bio

S - Strength Training - 15mins

A - Agility exercises - 15mins

S - Stamina training - 30mins

S - Sustainment

- Ibreathe

- Meditate 20mins

- I hydrate - 2lts daily

- I nourish - IFAST GAPS

- Irest - 6hrs sleep. 2hrs relaxation

- Imove - XP - see above

PSYCHO

F - Financial Freedom - CHIA - 8hrs

A - RAIN - 60mins

C - CREATIVITY - 60mins

T - Time&Space Management - 60mins

S - P.A.D - Safe Practise. Healthy Activity. Manage Desire - All Day

SOCIAL -

S - Self Assessment - Be Kind - All day

A - Associates&Acquaintances - Be Friendly - All day

F - Family&Friends = BundyTime - Be Loving - All day

E - Everyone amd Everything Else - Be Compassionate- All day

---

This is pretty much the template of all my ongoing HWJT.

Yesterday, HWJT went out the door, and today Ive meditated but been pretty slack in other ways.

Heading to work again soon.

---

Give my nephew a great big hug.

All is well my brother.

No thing to fear, except fear itself.

And, fear aint nothing to fear, at all!

----

Okay, lets start a new game...

Just to keep us entertained, the new game is Famous People.

I will write a name

i.e.

Charlie Sheen, and you will have to reply with a name that starts with S - being the first letter of his last name.

i.e.

Charlie Sheen

Sammy Davis Jnr.

Etc etc etc.

Just a bit of fun for this thread too!.

---

How has your day been so far?

---

MucLoveGoldenBoy!

Wolf

[1113]

All g bro.

Im great full for your support

It's your time to live life and you deserve it boiiiiiii!!!!

I am truly happy for you

Be free

invite me to your wedding. Need a best man?

Catch ya when your free

Bahahahahaha cerebral like off xmen. Cool.

brothers never stop being bros

[1113]

Bro,

post lag crazy ness. PLCN

Yo yo whats up kDOGG

HWJT is fudging amazballs

My day is been fantastic

Peace out

Ps

Have you heard of the jordanian codices? Very interesting stuff "the sun people"

Ben Affleck

[CompulsiveLiar]

GoldenBoy.

Thank you for being a good brother to me too. Wolf told me that bros tease each other, and that its normal to do that. I can dig that. My sense of humour is just dry and sarcastic, and a bit warped. People dont get my sense of humour a lot of the time. But I know you and Wolf are supporting me with this. You said that you accept me, so that means we accept each others humour too. I can handle you guys teasing me, as long as you can handle my sarcastic warped humour.

Xmen are cool by the way. I watched the animation about 13 times. Deadpool was a cool movie too. All the marvel movies are pretty cool.

Im playing the word game. I like these types of games.

- Adam Sandler -

Thank you.

Panther

[1113]

Panther,

Im really digin our new names. DD......what a cool person.

Tease away bro. Sarcasm is healthy too. Believe me..... nobody gets my sense of humour. Talk about twisted. Hahahaha. Laughing at myself. LAM. Lame is right.

Bro...just be yourself. Its cool.

This is where the wolf would say " technically it's impossible to be anyone else". Bahahahahaha. Ill cope it for that.

Ok I'm going to be real know. REAL.

The thing is its impossible to understand someone elses intentions on a forum. If you believe someone is talking bad about you.,,,,then that is how you perceived it. This will be good for you. Because your judgement comes from within you. Think of your eyes as sun glasses, when it's bright you put them on. If they have a dark tint then its dark, orange lense....then everything is orange...cool?

Please bro...ask as many questions as you need. Wolf will working and you still got me. He will be in and out. Thats all g.

Ok. Not real time. Iike the game too. This guy is pretty famous......wouldn't you think. Bahahahahaha

Santa Claus

Peace

GoldenBoy​

[SourceShield]

Well Met Brothers!

Boom Shaka Laaa.

Boom Shaka Laka.

My apologies RE: PLCN.

May the gods ever watch over us, and in their wisdom, so shall we abide by.

And So It Is.

PantherBro - Good to see you here again.

GoldenBro - Boom Shaka la.

Awesome Sunglasses explanation Matt!.

Nice one boi!

I like it.

---

Technically we cant be anyone else.

But, Shapeshifting or Metamorphosis would be great XMen powers.

Anthony Robbins, look him up if you guys dont know of him.

He teaches us in his self mastery course that, an important part of the whole building confidence in oneself thing is, to seek out for ourselves our own teachers, guides, mentors, essentially people that we trust, that we can 'emulate' behaviour from.

Remember I mentioned that word in an above post?.

This is why The Buddhist are so faithful - They Emulate Buddha Consciousness.

Christians - Emulate Christ Consciousness.

We all do this automatically, actually, we mimic and copy parents and our peers, but sometimes that can lead to not so happy ends!.

If either parent, or just one parent, uses violence as a disciplinary tactic, for example - We will often see that same behaviour trait 'emulated' in the grown adult-child.

Or, interestingly enough - The exact opposite.

All depends on how it was programmed into our Nervous System.

Fight mode, Flight mode, Freeze mode - we all have a go-to mode.

This will display it self, as we age, and OTT are a big part of this, until we learn to RAIN on the situation.

PantherMan - I really want you to look up, Tara Brach on Youtube, she has helped GoldenMan and I with the RAIN technique, and so many other things as well.

She is a wise teacher, and that may set you off to find the right and best MasterTeachers for yourself. You may not like teachings at all.

But, give it a go for us, okay bro?

---

Finding our own 'MasterTeachers' which is just what I call it - is really important on our journey.

Even though I did do this last three years tough, without proper professional help - and some people are gonna think this crazy but - This time has also been a time of deep spiritual growth and learningness and learning to let go, and to teach myself how. I found many MasterTeachers..

Our journeys are not meant to look the same, just like we dont!.

Be well family.

----

I will post HWJT and daily report, soon.

---

Christy Brinkley <- Thats not my new nickname, thats my famous persons name,for the game!.

---

MuchLove.

Wolf&BundyDog

[SourceShield]

p.s.

I have not heard of The Jordanian Codices.

I will look them up, so we can discuss.

And, I would seriously love for you both to be there at our wedding.

Matt - I would be honoured to have you as Best Man.

Who else could say that they had a GoldenBoy and a Panther, at their wedding.

Champion!

LovedMuchly

[1113]

Massively big smiles back at bro.

The honour is all mine

Thankyou MasterK

Be free.

GOLDENCHEFBOY

[1113]

Oh bugger

Bill Murray

[SourceShield]

Youre the best bro!

"GoldenChefBoy" - Sounds like a name for an awesome Chinese food restaurant!

Which reminds me, lets keep going with your cooking thread too - The BBK!

Glad that you liked that - The BBK. CyberKitchen.

Our cooking styles compliment each other nicely.

And, that is why I love creativity!!!.

Creativity can be used to bring more harmony into ones life, and into everyone elses, as well.

Its now a big part of my 'Enlightened Life Mission - ELM' to assist and teach others how.

But first, I must master...CREATIVITY...for myself.

Or truly and more-so, reach a level of mastery about the complexity and gloriousness of creativity.

And, how to apply it in our everyday life, so that we all benefit from creativity.

Im out here to prove that we can 'do' this without causing any harm to self, or any other.

Cognizant Creativity. <- This is what I am actually working on proving as being the 'key' to unlock the 'door to life'.

I know that sounds like riddles.

And thats what it is.

Welcome To Earth.

Life is the greatest riddle of them all.

I had forgotten, thats all.

Now, I have remembered my ELM!.

And, I love a good riddle!!!.

GoodFood for the mind!.

---

Im getting hungry now.

What do I feel like munching on???...

---

Bro...when you wrote...

"LAM - Laughing At Myself"

Cracked me the fudge up!!!.

I LAM all day long.

I am a Kiwi after all!!!.

LAM.

Good work brother.

Im stilling LAMMING about it!.

Thank you muchly for that.

Bill Murray meet Mary and her little LAM!

(MARY LAMBIE - An NZ t.v personality)

Peace&LAMChops.

WolfLammingtonBreath.

brah

brah

brah.

Shazam.