My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[CompulsiveLiar]

Thanks Mdogg. I will keep up with posting on this thread too.

Cdogg

[1113]

Night bros,

When the sun goes down its time to rest the eyes. Its the true nature of the way. Tao. One with the mother.......creator of us all......EARTH. boom shaka laka la la.

My day has been better than expected. I drop a little but pick myself up again. A few days of pressure did take its toll.......I mastered me. I'm like the little train that couldn't stop......i think i can i think i can and i did. Climbed that monster mountain like a champ.

Brother KDOGG- you are needed elsewhere........for now. I'm good with that. It's your soul mission. For fill your FAAAAAÀATE. I will shout out every morning. Catch ya on the flip side. The lag must be k@#ling ya.

Brother CDOGG,

Anti social disorder must be hard - when your ready......socialise with everybody. SLOW AND STEADY wins the race.

Peace out all.

M DIGGIDY DOGG OUTSKI

[1113]

Morning bros,

I'm having a well deserved HWJT day off. Just going to chill.

I may up my HWJT too. Not sure about sexual health though. Is your hand healthy. Bahahahahaha jokes. (Lie). Bahahahahaha. Not really. Bahahahahaha. Sorry I can't stop. Oh sh#t i just apologized. Thats a no no!

My sense of humour is an acquired taste. Bahahahahaha.

Peace ya all.

Catch ya on the flip side.

Truth.

Matt.

[SourceShield]

Morning Brothers,

All is well.

You know that I am here for you.

HWJT for today - Same as yesterday.

All is going well on that front.

I have big time clients to work for today and tomoz.

CDogg - Just keep taking it one day at a time, okay?

MDogg - Youve made some great progress...keep moving forward.

As for me...I had an epiphany last night, and I will have to share more about that soon, later tonight, after work.

Have a beautiful day, beautiful people!

MuchLove

KDogg

[SourceShield]

Brother Matt,

The 'hand' is kinda healthy, better than nothing, I guess...all depends on frequency and desire!

I will explain more later...

In the meantime, you just keep on 'practising'.

Practise makes perfect...sometimes!

MuchHandyWork.

[1113]

Brozzel,

*******evil laugh*******snigger*****

i just have one point to add to desire.......Kids

But

MuchMemories

Kiwi six

[1113]

BTW,

I get my sense of humour from my grandmother, RIP.

She was a good practicing Christian.

GodBless

Matt.

[1113]

Oh and by kids....I mean the outcome of desire. The work that processed "the so called desire" = family.

Hahahahaha. I felt I should explain that.

Silly goose out.

[SourceShield]

Bro,

I'm not gonna be online much at all - I have the Orphans Xmas to be getting sorted.

In spite the fact of you thinking Im all cerebral...I enjoy be a generous person!

I know that I am a very kind man, and thanks CL for sticking up for me in OTT, but there was no need.

Technically its impossible for someone to be all cerebral anyway, thats just not how humans work.

Matt - I feel that you do need to stretch your wings now, which youre doing, keep going.

I know that you and I have bonded, on BB, and Im always here for you, but Im getting on with with my life, which means more time being actively involved in it.

Ive made some major breakthroughs in the last couple of days, and Im running with it.

All the writing about OTT, has compelled me to do much releasing of many OTT.

I will write to you here, as often as I can - But once a week, I will write you MATT, a letter, of how its all going for me, and I'd like to read how its going for you too.

I will do my best to also reply to the OTT posts, and check on you too CL.

But, too much time online, has proven to be no good for me.

I'm actually a very outgoing person.

I had just forgotten.

And now I have remembered.

Im a very compassionate person - I had just forgotten.

I have now remembered.

CL - I will continue to check in with you because I feel like Matt has graduated, and now, you do need some extra TLC, I get it, and I will be there for you.

Matt, I just need you to know that you are a great brother.

An amazing Father!.

And a below average friend.

JOKES!

LOL

Got ya there!

If ever you really need to get stuff out, just write it here on this thread...and I will ALWAYS...get back to you.

I see you okay bro.

In such a short space of time, right before my eyes, you have come to life.

Im happy - deeply happy for you.

I will continue to post when I can but I must get on with this move to Melbourne and the rest of my life...

Im in love!

Like seriously in love.

And, one day soon...Im gonna marry the man that I am in love with!

Just watch!

Also, I have my life mission to fulfill.

Im doing that too.

I love you brother Matt.

Always.

Brother Kaitoa.

[1113]

Morning brothers and sisters,

Today I woke up with faith in my heart.

I have add spiritual to my HWJT. Still in the making, like rome.

I hope everyone is in good spirits today, just know Im with you all.

HWJT

Body:

Exercise 20 mins a day

Relaxation meditation

Eat well

Hydrate

Regularly visit my Dr.



Mind:

Find some happiness

SNORT

Work on my hobby

Reach out to help someone

Do this template every day

Regularly update this template when I evolve.

Stay on this forum.

Research more about true happiness





Emotions

Study emotional intelligence

Learn to let go of old thoughts

Upload new postive thoughts

Believe in myself

Love again

Go outside of my comfort zone



Parental:

Support my son even more

Tell him how much I love him

Support his friendship with others

Teach him as I learn.



Spiritual:

Just follow my heart

End

I a day off yesterday and it was more of a revelation than a day off.

Kindness

Peace

And lots of handywork. Bahahahahaha

Matt.