My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[1113]

Bro,

We have some post lag. All g o o d.

Get down with OTT, yeah you know me.

See what I did there, OPP by naughty by nature. Good song.

Yes I am understanding the concept more and more, its good to have all different opinions too.

I will just continue moving forward.

Even with all the dyslexic type post things going on.

A hole bag of liquorice.........thats not GAPS.

I really would like to understand the whole "dumb" statement that you made. Express that more if you like. It may take a while for me to read it, but I will.

Peace out

[SourceShield]

Morning bro,

1) I know eating licorice...isnt GAPS!.

We are allowed one day off, a week!

I had a craving, and when I do have a really strong craving like that...its best to allow yourself the treat.

But then...my love for the licorice, just took over.

Im still learning too!

But on the upside, I am grateful to be eating anything at all.

So, its all good.

---

2) The 'dumb' comment was no biggie at all, nothing to psychoanalyze there!

In this instance it is an exclamation of frustration.

Its 'dumb' that I may have to stay in Bris a bit longer than I really want to.

It was me being childish.

HFA brain we struggle big time with change, but I had worked really well on accepting that we are now moving to Melbourne <-big change.

But now, we may not be until a bit later <-its just thrown my HFA brain thats all.

But, my Spirit knows that this is all part of a bigger picture...and I accept.

Its all good bro, as I mentioned, nothing too deep there...just me venting...childishly, might I add!.

---

Overall Im doing well.

I slept in...on purpose...I just wanted to stay in bed a bit longer today.

And, I can do that...because I am my own boss.

Was just offered some work for the weekend, which I will accept.

That brings in more cash, which means that I am actually getting closer to moving to Melbourne.

So really I have no thing to worry about...we never really do!

Its just the OTT that make us believe that we do!

---

Have you been to see the DR yet?

You know that I am here for you...

---

Im gonna do some of my HWJT now!.

MuchLove brozza!

PeaceOut

KDogg&BDogg

[1113]

Thankyou KDOG.

[SourceShield]

Hey bro,

I hope that everything with the Doc went well, but if not, you know that you are safe to express as you like with me.

Even if it was a total shambles or you lost your nerve.

No judgement.

But, I really do hope that all went well.

---

Im posting my HWJT for tomoz, now.

MetaphysicalSelf - META -

Connect - Spiritfulness - 60mins min daily

Assist - Reach out, wherever and whenever I can on BB and in my day2day life - 60mins min daily

Recognise - Release OTT, and upload NPT - Using CreativeVisualisation&PositiveAffirmation - 60mins min daily

Express - Write a poem. Sing. Dance - 60mins min daily.

BioSelf - BIO -

XP - XercisePlan

Strength Training - 30mins min daily

Agility Training - 15mins min daily

Stamina Training - 15mins min daily

Sustainment Of The Body -

Breathe - Meditate 20mins daily

Hydrate - 2LTS min daily

Nourish - IFAST. GAPS. Twice daily.

Rest - 6hrs sleep min daily. 2hrs relaxation min daily.

Move - See XP

PsychologicalSelf - PSYCHO -

Financial Freedom - 8hrs min daily. Working on setting up BIZ in Melbourne.

Awareness&Understandings - RAIN - 60mins daily.

Creativity - Imagine&Implement - 60mins daily min.

Time&Space Management - Plan the next days HWJT - 60mins daily.

SexualHealth - Safe Practise. Healthy Activity. Manage Desire.

SocialSelf - SOCIAL -

This is all about the relationships that we have.

And how we navigate our way through each relationship that we have, in a way that is holistically attentive, kind and compassionate.

Self - I write. I have a daily journal and in that journal I get it all out. This is one of the ways that I have found that helps me to process whats happening in my life, and to address ways in which I can release OTT etc - 60mins daily.

Acquaintances&Associates (people we see now and then) - At the moment this would be my flatmates!. I live with two older guys. Theyre relatively quiet. Thankfully. And, we hardly see each other. My objective is to be as peaceful as I can be! - All day, everyday, until we move.

Family&Friends - This is Bundy. Im fairly isolated. And, he is my access point to family love, in my day to day life.

Everyone&Everything Else inc/ Perceived Enemies and The Earth - This is just about how I am with everyone and everything else. I do my best to be kind, patient, humble, forgiving, and generous - All day, everyday, for the rest of my life.

---

Be well my brother.

All is well.

All is as it must be.

We are on the right path.

Peace!

[1113]

Good morning my HFA bro,

( helful friend as-well)

Yesterday was a good day. I don't see your HWJT. But there has been some lag. So all g.

Plan's change all the time.......when the time is right you will be in Melbourne. Hopefully for yours and bundys sake its 5 years from now.

How is your horse of dog? Give him a huge doggy treat from his uncle Matt. Cheers.

HWJT

Body:

Exercise 20 mins

Relaxation meditation 1hr

Eat well

Hydrate

Mind:

Find some happiness- today I have my boys award ceremony

SNORT

Reach out to help someone - OTT and here.

Do this template every day

Regularly update this template when I evolve.

Stay on this forum.

Research more about true happiness


Emotions

Study emotional intelligence

Learn to let go of old thoughts

Upload new postive thoughts

Believe in myself

Love again

Go outside of my comfort zone- ceremony



Parental:

Support my son even more

Tell him how much I love him

Support his friendship with others

Teach him as I learn.

End

Have a great day

I'm off to live another

Peace

BROTHER MATT FROM MOTHER EARTH.

[SourceShield]

Hey Brozzle.

My HWJT is there now!.

---

Hey you're gonna be great at the award ceremony.

No stress.

Your boy is an absolute champion, just stay focused on that.

He's the star of the day, not the anxiety.

Pour all your love into him.

My love is there with you guys too.

---

Im gonna post my HWJT for tomorrow, now.

Hopefully itll show up on time.

1/12/16

-META-

C - Connect to Spiritfulness - 60mins

A - Assist and Reach Out - 60mins

R - Recognise&Realise- 60mins

E - Express Creatively - 60mins

-BIO-

S - Strength Training - HIIT - 15mins

A - Agility - 15mins

S - Stamina - 40mins

S - Sustainment -

--- IBreathe - Mediate 20mins

--- IHydrate - 2LTS Water

---INourish - IFAST. GAPS

---IREST - 6hrs Sleep. 2hrs Relaxation

---IMOVE - XP - See Above

-PYSCHO-

F - FinancialFreedom - C.H.I.A** <-This is the name of my company. Will write more about it later. 8hrs daily

A - Awareness&Understandings - RAIN - 60mins Daily

C - Creativity&Cognition - Imagine&Implement - 2hrs Daily

T - Time&Space Management - Plan Tomoz HWJT - 60mins Daily

S - SexualHealth - Safe Practise. Healthy Activity. Manage Desire - EveryDay!

-SOCIAL-

Remember this is all about our relationships and emotions, and how we keep ourselves safe in those relationships, with all of our emotions.

S - Self Assessment - Be kind. 60mins daily

A - Acquaintances&Associates - Be friendly. 60mins daily

F - Family&Friends - BUNDY - Be loving. All day!

E - Everyone&Everything Else - Be compassionate. All day!

Can you see what Ive done here?

Can you see the acronym for each section?

Makes it easier for me to remember.

---

Another slow start for me today.

I dont have to work until later on in the week - Weekend gigs!.

But, I must clean up my place, Bundy is such a slob! <-JOKES. Thatll be me.

Im not too bad actually, just let things slide for a couple days, and then I have to get it all sorted.

Bundy is all good.

Because its so hot at the moment, I give him a cool wash everyday.

Hes good - he just stands there.

No fuss.

He loves swimming in the ocean, and lakes and rivers too.

BTW - I wont be waiting around BrisVegas for another 5yrs!

As if!

Im outta here as soon as we can get outta here.

Thats my primary mission, get us outta this town.

I continue to do my best, and I know for sure that I am feeling happier and healthier.

---

You make sure you give my nephew a great big hug from me and Bundy.

Well done Matt, youre the best dad!.

MuchLove bro!.

[CompulsiveLiar]

Hi there.

I dont mean to interrupt. Ive just read this whole thread and I have to admit that I am very impressed by how you guys support each other, online but also in life as well. I envy you guys. Do you really do what you say you do on your HWJT? Somedays I can barely get out of bed. I only just got up. I wake up early in the morning. But my life is so boring at the moment I just go right back to bed. I dont have much of a life.

My username is compulsive liar because thats who I used to be. I wear that name as a reminder. Its a bit harsh I know but I need to remind myself to tell the truth. I can relate to both of you, on many levels. Im not a dad though. I dont go out much because Im scared of what I might do to others. Im scared to go out in public because I get hurt out there, and sometimes Ive hurt others. The only safe place had been in my room. But like you 1113 I wanna get out too. And like you Source I want to be free.

My therapist says its good for me to write.But I need to be honest when I write.I find that reallyvery diffiuclt at times.because the lies are heavy and thick in my brain. I need help. And so therapy is tough. I dont like listenming to other people talk. Unless they know what theyre saying. My therapist is a smart guy.I like that. He pulls me up.

I dont know why Im telling you this.Im sorry.

ASPD is a toughie, as you correctly wrote Source. Its the worse one because its the one that makes me hurt others, in some way. What you have is mostly just on you. What I have can hurt others in a bad way, a really bad way. I know that youve told me that you have convictions in aus Source. Thats tough man. Youre doing well to still be doing what youre doing man. Do you really do all that you say you do? You seem really clever. You also seem abit frustrated a lot. The opposite of telling lies is telling the truth. Whats the truth Source?.

1113 I can tell that you andSource have bonded.I respect that. You guys are so different,but alike. I didnt mean to butt in, but Source suggested that I take a look around at the threads here and I have read this one and needed to respond. 1113 you sound like a great dad. I wouldve liked my dad to be like you. I may never have kids. I wouldnt want to put them through my unpredictability. Im a good uncle though. Thats enough for me.

Thanks for the chat. I hope I didnt offend. I just feel that I can trust you both. That means a lot to me. Plus I can tell my therapist that I finally did it. Thank you.

[CompulsiveLiar]

Source,

Awesome HWJT plan. I can see the acronyms too. Can I use that as well? Ive been reading why you are both of you doing the HWJT, and I think that i need that for me. I wont do all of it but Id like to try and put in as much as I can. What do you mean by sexual health? Why is that in psychology? Thats interesting to me.

I dont mind what sexuality you are. Ive liked both for as long as I can remember.

Because of the ASPD Ive had to take meds in the past to control certain urges. Im off those now. My doctors says that Imdoing well with that. I need some energy to do more too now with my life. Thanks.

[1113]

Brother CL,

Join in.

I do agree with Kaitoa. Any mental illness deserves respect and in some respects closely related. Its all something not working right in the old noggin. Lies, revenge, lust, sadness, bitterness etc etc.....all normal. Just some of us need more help to control it. Tis all good. This doesn't make you a bad person.

Try to get help is your redemption.

Honestly my HWJT is never fully achieved. Hence Ive been saying 50% 85% etc etc. But its a GOAL set and i must do my best to achieve it. Everyday I get better and better.

I accept you, if you accept me. Disagreements are also normal. We just talk them out like broz.

Easy... and don't worry.......if you need to lie.....then do it. But before you hit the post button....... read it twice. Then type (lie) after that sentence etc etc.....so you can accept that it was. I will do the same. Because everyone likes to twist the truth every now and then. Thats a normal human thing to do.

Its actually sounds like fun.

No offense.

If you want to make something up, make it funny.

Humor is a healthy thing.

Brother kaitoa,

It went well. He got his award....same one 3 years in a row. Dux of his year. (Not a lie)

Proud dad here. Thanks bro.

Your HWJT looks amazballs. (Lie) I'm always trying to catch you.... but im going to accept.....I am me......a little jealous. Joke hahahaha. Not really.

This posting is all a bit out of whack. So Im going to limit it to one a day on this thread to stop confusion and its only going to be real stuff. HWJT..... how my day was.....respond to the brothers...... all at the same time. Mine will be early morning cos thats when i have free time. My template is good atm so I will continue to chase that goal. When I've got it sorted....I'll up the stakes. (Not lie)

WELCOME BROTHER CL.

Catch ya all on OTT.

Peace

Matt.

[SourceShield]

Hey CL!

The truth?.

Okay - Here we go, Can U handle the truth?

The Truth - I tell people that the PhD that Im doing will be done by 2020, more like 3030! Im self-funding.

I wouldnt be surprised if Ive gotta bit of ASPD in me as well.

Ive been reckless with money and my responsibilities, in the past. Why do you think Im so interested in researching psychopathy?

(BTW - I know that 'psychopathy' is not the 'diagnosis' word. I know that AntiSocial Personality Disorder - Is the official diagnosis of which psychopathy and sociopathy etc fall under. So I dont mean to offend you either by referring to it as psychopathy, because I know that people with ASPD get it rough. You did the crime, gotta serve the time, but when does the public set you free?.)

The Truth - I do my best to do as much on my HWJT as I can everyday. The truth is I am far from perfect but I do believe that I can change my life for the better. I can improve my life with the power of my thinking and moving towards what feels right and best. I do run a few micro-biz, and am moving to Melb to set myself up as well.

The Truth - I will always have an HFA brain. I will always have the PTSD from being abused badly as a kid. I will always be living with these disorders, and thats what has frustrated me for so long. Thank you for naming it as such, because thats all that it is - I get frustrated at myself, and at the world. Im learning too. Im growing too.

In my belief system all things happen for a reason, and that reason is energetic expansion.

You, Matt, and Me, we were all meant to meet like this...so that we can energetically become more of what we are here to be...to be the best men that we were born to be, we are here to uplift each other.

Can I be honest with you, CL?

Thanks (LOL)

When I read your first post I was actually glad that someone just asked me straight up like you did, what is the truth?

I love that question.

What is the Truth?

What is your truth?

Where do we find the truth?

When we are willing to accept the truth, it sets us free.

I was grateful that you asked me this question.

----

On another note...

Of course you can use the MetaBioPsychoSocial plan (MBPS), as your HWJT.

I would be honoured actually, to know that something that I 'cooked' up, is helping another person as well!

Thank you, CL.

You dont mind me calling you CL, do you, CL?

Writing CompulsiveLiar the whole time...gets a bit tedious!.

You're accepted here, CL.

BeWell!.

MuchLove.

Kaitoa.