My story- just keep moving

[1113]

My depression started 20 odd years ago. So many bad things have happened in my life that remembering them is not something that I am able to cope with at the best of times. Some of these things have caused depression, some of them because of depression. It also hits me hard for no reason when all is going well. Its the major depressive episodes when I become to ill to cope, its like my soul/ existence leaves completely. Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression, and my anxiety is matching the level of my depression, just going outside is a painful experience. High level anxiety can last for days on end. Negative thoughts impact my everything, fleeting, unrealistic/uncontrollable. I forget who I am, where I put things/day it is. I don't think that I am good enough. This is not true, I know that from past experience. It effects every part of my life, family, friends, work. Most people don't understand why.

Why can't I have fun? When will I be normal? Why is this? Questions sometimes cause more problems and all I can do is take every day one step at a time until the major depression passes (its been 3 months already) or until the medication settles. Medication changes for me have side effects which can escalate other present symptoms. Mental health is so important. Don't hide it, with every ounce of your being tell someone. Get help. Reach out. Except. Go against what you feel. You are worth it.

I hid myself from society for many years because I felt that nobody understood. This was a mixture of anxiety and my naturally reclusive mentality that depression moulded me into. Its extremely difficult for me to decipher at times with all the chatter of negative thoughts what is reality or not. I never let anyone close to me so that I'm not a burden on them and I'm untrusting to others because of the fear of being hurt. People have a natural ability to push away the weird and undesired. So this makes it easier to do but not right.

All these symptoms mashed together make psychosis and inevitable agrophobia. Luckily this only effects me for a few weeks but the time it takes to recover from that to being able is far longer.

Its time for me to be me again. Clarity is still far away but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep moving.

[1113]

Hi bro,

So the same thing happened to your post today. Ending with really proud etc etc. Some post are taking a day to get through. Only got it at 2pm today.

Thats all good......I a bit dyslexic anyway so I can back track so easily.

Some post need to be "checked"

That great about the post you did. But a bit unfair that it took so long to get through, especially when we posting on the other thread with no problems. Strange.....

Proud of you bro

Money is a big problem for a lot of challenged peeps, including myself.

Money maybe one of those things that hit a system generated fire wall until someone reads it. It could be a simple as a dollar sign symbol. Which I wont put in for the sake of a little test. Nobody is reading every post. It prob goes through a filter.

Test time

Six

[1113]

Ok that went through straight away.

Peace bro

Hope ya still feeling good

I'll check back later. Refresh ya browser, if you cant see the post come through catch me the other foodie thread. If you break the rules to many times alot of ya post will take awhile to come through.

6

[1113]

Hay bro,

Done some detective work on the other post that didn't go through and the filter that stops your post was.......and I can't actually type it was about "k#$ some1" that hit the filter straight away.

Im on a roll, time to go solo....hahaha

Peace

Six

[SourceShield]

Bro,

Im perplexed on this one - did I say that I want to ki##sum1?

When???

Anyway...

Its all good.

So today actually went really well.

I was put in the 'good' tent with two generally easy-going chefs, and thats always a blessing!

As you know, being a chef, some chefs are just the worst to work with and today was hot at the polo!

So, I would have lost my nut, if I had to work with a wanky chef.

But we got on well, did our work...and even had a really good laugh.

I feel that I am ready to make new friends again...I used to be very outgoing.

And, I feel that people are wanting to be around me too.

I even met a very gorgeous guy from Uzbekistan...he even gave me his number!

I was looking rather sexy today...all sweaty in a stinking hot tent!!!

But, he saw something that he liked...so did I...and I asked him if he'd like to meet up sometime.

He's studying his masters, clever guy.

I just like that I am feeling my confidence building and building again!

BONUS!.

Hows your day been?

Its a bit late for a full HWJT but...

For the rest of the evening...

I am gonna take Bundy for a walk.

Drink red wine.

Eat some chocolate.

And relax!

Also...

We are NOT changing SNORT!

As an up and coming CreativityTechnician...its good for people to ask - so what is SNORT?

Shows interest...and may get them into SNORT as well!

I hope you and my nephew are all good.

MuchLove bro

[1113]

Bro,

Can't talk long people are watching me..........

6

Classic, I was seriously bored earlier in the day. Got up to early.

I got 2 kids in me house,

Brain explosion

Having a ball.

Peace

[SourceShield]

Too easy!

[1113]

Hey bro,

The boyz R playin the ps4. So im free for a bit.

Good to here you had good day.

My anxiety has been pretty high all day.

SNORT just cracks me up, i feel i need to explain it every time.

Anyway you didn't say you would K## sum1. It was the post abojt morals and not serving bad food that could cause it. My puzzle brain was in action due to anxiety.

Peace bro

6

[SourceShield]

Ahhhh right!

I also think its when a person uses too many capitals...could imply that they are 'shouting' - I use them to highlight a point, and the exclamation mark...when I am upset!!!!...or just drive a point across!!!.

Im a sure there are many reasons.

Its all good.

I think that having to explain SNORT - is a good thing, if people are that curious...theyre keen to learn.

And, you dont have to say the same thing, all the time...say whatever is relevant in that moment...or just dont even reply.

You never have to explain yourself, ever, if you dont want to...your feelings are valid, and if you dont wanna justify them...then dont!

Whats been going on bro re:anxiety today?

Just lack of sleep?

Is it having the TWO kids there?

Whats going on?

Are you okay now?

I have a mate coming over soon, for a little fun in the sack...wink wink nudge nudge...but will be back on when he goes, I will respond as soon as I can...

Im here for you brother!

[1113]

Bro,

Congrats.

Yep change has caused it. No sleep. Pressure of 2 special kiddies. My eyes are bad. Like reading all fuzz. Usual with high anxiety.

Tried the smi,e thingy oh bugger it SNORT!!!!!!!!!

You have fun in the sack, winky winky, nudge nudge.

And please if you feel like expressing that in ramble later just worn this hetro first. I already feel unwell.

Hahaha, actually paranoid I insulted you just then.

Anxiety is sh#€

Tryin hard

Just breathe

Six

[SourceShield]

Ya paranoid goose!

Just for that I am gonna give you all the juicy-homo details!...

JOKES...

Talk soon!