My daughter is angry at the world and me

[blondguy]

Hey Everybody. I ma really stuck and need advice with my daughter. I love her to bits but she is angry at the world and me. I have been on the forums since January and being an old guy I just thought I ask for some help. Here is some background...if you can help me

• She gone all gothic and weird...post natal depression...wont talk about it or accept any help...
• Dyed her long blond hair jet black and wears a lot of black and umm...self injured last year when she couldnt see her married BF..
• She sent me a MMS of her 'injuries'...that really hurt to see
• Has just had a baby to her boss...he is married with 3 kids..and he has warned her not to say anything
• she asked me to borrow my 2007 XR8 when she had her car impounded and I said no...Now I am evil for saying no
• i did mention that under 25's cant drive the XR8...she didnt care...she just wanted to use it..I still said no...
• Christmas day 2015 I turned up with presents at her place and she said.."I have had a late night...can you come back tomorrow"?

I use bullet points so it would be easier to read and respond to. (I cant stand mega paragraphs) Do I just give her space...or just a phase?

She lives 10 minutes away and has 2 great kids to 2 different dads. I daughter who is 3 and her new baby son who is about 3 months..She doesnt do drugs. She wants everything now ....Platinum Foxtel...Leather lounge....VE SV6 Commodore.....and the single mums pension of course.

I spend a lot of my time on the Depression/Anxiety threads....but I am lost here....should I just let her find her own way? Any thought/opinion would be gold to me right now.....also...whats an emo?....and yes Im serious..is it a dark and depressed person?

Thankyou for reading and please do respond if you can help...Have a great weekend too!

My kind thoughts and respect

Paul 🙂

[Fairywings]

😊😊

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Thanks for the kind words, Paul. I'm really glad you're looking after yourself, and the new posters. I admit I don't spend much time on new threads, guess that's why you're Community Champion and I'm not (a well deserved title for you). I think my role is to look after the regulars, because I think with long-term familiarity it is very easy for people to become forgotten or overlooked. That's been a significant part of my life experience, admittedly, and I think being able to support people like yourself ultimately helps out the newbies, too, just indirectly. That's my take on it, anyway. So I'm always here to listen. 🙂

Blue.

[blondguy]

Hey Bluguru

If it wasnt for caring and intelligent souls like yours (and many others) there would be no forums. Whether its new posters or caring for existing sufferers of mental illness is neither here or there. The care factor is a constant.

I hope you get a giggle out of your mail. Paulxx

[Wednesday]

Hey Paul,

Just dropping in to say hello and ask how's it going with your recalcitrant daughter? i hope you are in a better place and the constant demands on you are calmer.

Hugs, xx

[blondguy]

Thankyou Wednesday 🙂 and sorry for the late reply....I am letting her find her own way. There is only so much I can do. Thankyou for being there big time....and thankyou for the hugs :-).....always a bonus..Paul xx

[Guest_322]

Hi Paul,

It must be very painful watching your daughter go through all this. As you said, she'll find her way.

If it helps, I think hurt people hurt. As in hurt people hurt others. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that that condones her actions or that she's trying to hurt you purposely. But I'm saying it as an "explanation" of sorts.

I'm 20 so a little younger than your daughter but still fairly close in age to her. I remember when I was really unhappy that I used to take it out on my parents. And here's the thing, it wasn't really about my parents. It was more about my own issues. My actions (so in my case, it was the rudeness, eye rolling, silent treatment, etc) said more about my own unhappiness than anything that my parents had done.

I think when we feel hurt- like your daughter- we get tunnel vision. We get so busy trying to lick our own wounds that we don't realise the (true) impact of our actions on others.

Sorry, I'm not sure if this is helpful or not, & I'm not sure if I explained what I was trying to say very well. But I think hurt people hurt. Not necessarily with malicious intent but we can end up projecting our pain outwards- like your daughter- if that makes any sense.

Anyway, here's a hug from me. Hopefully she'll come around.

Dottie x

[blondguy]

Hey Dottie, what a wonderful and caring post 🙂 You have not only answered my original thread topic but have brought me peace with the way you have articulated your advice which is what I have been looking for.

I originally posted this thread in 'Young People' and it was moved ages ago as per the moderators decision which is fine. I am happy that you have found my thread.

I am very happy to get the advice I was searching for....from a young person in the same age bracket as my daughter. I have a folder in my PC labeled 'Coping'.....I have just copied and pasted your post into it. I will be re-reading your advice 🙂

You have not only helped me a great deal Dottie but you have shined a bright light on what has been a daily worry for me. I am relieved that you are on the BB Forums and thankyou for taking the time to help me as much as you have

I really hope you can stick around the forums.....Your advice & counsel is gold. You are an asset to the forums with your presence....and thankyou so much

My kindest thoughts for you Dottie

Paulx

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Paul, just wanted to say thank you for being there for me tonight (and your kind comment on Wishful's thread). I'm glad to see on coming here that Dottie has been able to give you some peace of mind about your daughter. As always, I shall remind you I am here to listen when you need it and to lend you some of that logic and clarity I know you like. Or just a Simpsons quote if that's all you need. I have the munchies pretty bad at the moment and can certainly hear Homer's voice going: "eatthepuddingeatthepuddingeatthepuddingeatthepudding".

[blondguy]

Bluguru muchas tipos gracias

What a wonderful post from Dottie Blueguru. Like yourself Dottie has an innate sense of clarity..You have been there for me and my memory is strong Blue.

I was watching The Simpsons on Fox8 this morning and the 'Hysterical Pregnancy' and 'Juvenile Diabetes' with all the illnesses that Monty Burns had and the doctors even said...'their are some illnesses that we havent heard of yet' I thought...Ahh yes...Bluguru played that one for me..I dont laugh as much as I used to but 'Hysterical Pregnancy ' got the funny bone activated 🙂

Eat the pudding....haw haw...classic. Homer asking Lisa if she wanted some pork ribs or a steak and Lisa replied "do you have anything that hasnt been brutally killed"?

Oh My Lord! I really have to get a life

One day..Paulxx

PS: Thankyou for having the guts to accept a compliment too without dodging it..Nice1 Bluguru....says me listening to Electric Light Orchestra....:-)

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Ah, ELO. Good choice. 🙂 And as if someone as awesome as me would dodge a compliment? 😉 Seriously though I do appreciate it.

Was going to stop posting and go to sleep, but when I saw your mention of medical things in The Simpsons, I could hear clear as day Dr Nick singing: "The knee bone's connected to the wrist watch... Uh-oh!" Hehehe. Had to share.

Night Paul.