Lost

[Philomens]

My son is in jail this is his second time committed a crime while on parole went back to using drugs. The first time he went to jail broke our hearts he is a beautiful person but drugs have taken a hold of him. The first time he served just over a year and got home detention with us very hard time for all then he went back to old ways. Prison just seems  to be a revolving door he had family so no help. He behaves in jail this time he has a partner but it is now Rocky. Seeing him breaks our hearts phone calls is emptiness. He needs help in there to why he turns to drugs when he is out? Lost on how to help he can’t see what he is doing to his girlfriend or his family as he thinks he has got it hard☹️ We didn’t put him there and we will always be there but how do we help? Feel so empty and lost?

[Croix]

Dear Philomens~

I'm glad you came here as you are not alone by a long way. Sadly your life has been turned upside-down and frankly you may not be able to improve matters (I apologize for being blunt but if is only fair to you).

Of course the ideal when he is released is a stable job he enjoys, no contact wiht those he knew in jail or before, and a strong desire to give up drugs. This can happen but tales a great deal of luck and a change of heart. For some a mentoring program assists, but these are rare.

I'm afraid the misuse of dregs can change a person, and their priorities, view of the world and motivation.

Just that by itself is very hard to overcome.

Being in jail too can radically change a person and their associates, and as this is another offense committed whilst on parole I'm sure your heart is broken as you can no longer find the beautiful person he was.

The two together, drugs and jail,  can lead to a way of life that is so different form yours it is just about impossible to understand.

I doubt reasoning with him would have any effect and the only thing I can suggest is that you continue on with a stable life, being an example of love and ordinary values. It can be very hard if he asks for money as this is so easily spent the wrong way. Useful gifts in kind might be a compromise though nothing is certain.,

May I ask what support you have? There will probably be a whole range of strong emotions from helplessness to possibly guilt or anger and this stress does you no good. Do you have anyone in your family or a good friend to be wiht who you can talk frankly, sharing your fears and grief?

I also think counceling could give you an outside view and what you can do to cope. I would suggest, if they are in your area: Relationships Australia - 1300 364 277

As I said this is sadly a common occurrence and there are many people here in the same circumstances. We have a long-running thread contributed to by many with similar problems:

Sadness,grief and regret over sons incarceration

I do hope you cna join in there , if however they are quiet at the moment come here or elsewhere on the Forum, it is hard being in isolation.

Croix

[Philomens]

1. Dear Croix,
2. Thank you for your reply. We did counselling last time he was in.
   Just feel that reaching out here is better for me.
3. My husband deals with depression issues and he has joined a men’s group as he is retired.  
4. Thanks for listening just being heard without the stigma behind means a lot.
5. We are hopeful this time will make him stronger in himself  as we know this is not the life he wants.
6.  

[Croix]

Dear Philomens~

I wonder what the 6th point was going to be:)

I too would hope that this times does make him realise the life he has adopted is not for him, and I'd be the last person to quash any remaining hope you have. As an ex-policeman I do know some who have led a better life when released, and I beleive this is in no small part due to having a job to go to with a boss who knows the history and can deal with it. Though I'd have to say such jobs are few and far between.

I guess it boils down to what you son really wants, and is prepared to put effort into. To be fair trying to avoid drugs at the same time is extra hard.

If you have already sampled counceling and think it will be ineffective this time I hope you can glean some information -and not feel on your own - from member July's thread I mentioned last time.

You know you are welcome here anytime

Croix

I"m sorry your husband has to deal wiht depression issues, and think some mens' groups (such as The Mens Table) can be very helpful

[Philomens]

Thanks Cruix

I have posted where you suggested 

Thanks ever so much