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Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

lookingforme
Community Member

I had absolutely no idea where to put this post, but considering I already have the depressive disorder, I'd put it here. I have just today been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder on top of the depression, does anyone on here have it and is able to summarise it? I don't quite know how to explain it to people other than by listing symptoms, which I don't really want to do. And you know that old saying, if you can't explain it simply enough, you don't truly understand it. It's a strange label.

Suffice it to say that I haven't been having a good time of it lately, and this diagnosis makes me half relieved and half unknowing, which I don't much care for. I just know it's something I will have to work at to manage, and stress aggravates it, and right now, I am nothing but stressed,

Any help is appreciated.

Joelle

168 Replies 168

james1
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hey turtle (I mean this in the nicest way possible! i really like turtles!)

I'm really glad you've posted here with us 🙂

I think I mentioned it earlier, but my psychologist didn't want to give me a diagnosis either. She said "I don't like giving labels, but you have symptoms of BPD and we're going to work on those symptoms."

I know it can be really tempting to seek a label to get comfort in knowing why we do what we do, but here's a thought:

What is affecting your life right now? Is it this three word name, or is the things it's actually naming - depression, anxiety, identity, impulsivity, abandonment?

It sounds like you know you're struggling with a lot of these symptoms...do you feel comfortable telling us which one feels most real to you right now?

James

Hey James,

I have major depression and general anxiety disorder, I'm very impulsive although I think I'm getting better at that.

the psychiatrist today said I have BPD. I've bought a couple books on the topic so I can learn more about it.

deb

james1
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hey deb,

Glad to hear you got an answer.

If you don't mind me asking, how do you feel about your diagnosis? You may have read Joelle and my reactions in the first page of this thread.

Impulsivity is something that totally sucks sometimes! I lost $10000 on gambling. Highlight of my life, aha. At least the little birdie in my photo didn't care.

James

I kinda had been wondering for a while, I just felt something else was going on, I'd read some medical reports saying possible cluster b personality and realised only bpd was possible. I'm getting sick of labels already, at least now I can learn how to deal with it I guess. I'd been wondering how I can learn to control my emotions. I so want to get married and have kids, scares me to think of mentioning this to a man, I mean when do you tell them, uuuggggghhhhhhhhh

the important thing is I have a good support system around me now, my psychiatrist is great, I have a great GP and day therapy with supportive friends there.

The word numb sums it up right now.

I went through a phase of getting drunk and going to Kmart to buy books hahaha now I have to read them!!!!

james1
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hey deb, sorry about my late reply.

Yes, numb is exactly how I feel as well. For me it's purposefully numb, because it's too overwhelming otherwise. But it's scary to think of what'll happen when these walls start to crumble a bit.

Sometimes the impulses work in our favour eh? haha. I impulsively signed up for two volutneering things and a run which was good. I also gambled away $10000 which was not so good...

Do you mind if I ask what your doctors are suggesting to help you work through the BPD diagnosis? My psychologist is trying schema therapy with me.

James

Hey James, all good.

To be honest, our last session he'd said yes to the BPD, so will see what he says next time. I am checking out bout a schema program, it's one month in patient. Will see if it happens.

Can you give me your opinion on something.

I have a friend I met in the hospital, she's BPD, schizophrenia. We hadn't spoken to for 6 months or so. I invited her over for the night, spare room and we went ten pin bowling today. She'd said she wanted to go to the movies today, I thought ok, sure why not. She has no manners, doesn't say thank you for anything, is as though she expects it, as though she's entitled. Anyway, she decides on the way to the movie she doesn't want to see it, she wants to window shop, five minutes later she's bored and wants to do something else, so we get in the car, she wants to do something outside, I didn't know any good parks, too cold for beach, then she wants to do something inside, suggests playing squash, has no exact ideas, let's do something out doors, so I got frustrated and ended up dropping her at the train station to go home. She jokes that we have mental problems, often jokes about people like us, and we can never work full time, I hate that. I don't use my health as a excuse. I was exhausted when I got home. Please give me your opinion, did I do anything wrong or is it just her? No wonder I prefer cats, they're so simple ha ha

james1
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hey deb,

Oh boy, I hope I don't sound too inconsiderate when I say that sounds exhausting.

I think of it this way (sorry for talking about my own life!) - my mother and I are both struggling with various issues and we just don't see eye to eye. We get worked up, frustrated, etc and inevitably somebody has to give.

Is it either of our faults? Yes and no. Yes, there's nobody else who's in our mother/son relationship whose fault it could be. But no, in that it could just be nobody's fault.

I think the same goes for you. She acted in the only way she knew how, and you had to make sure you didn't exhaust yourself.

I think the main thing is you did the right thing by asserting your own need for some resemblance of a normal day and a desire for a normal life. You didn't feel comfortable with what she was saying so you took action, and that's perfectly fine.

Did she say anything afterwards? It sounds like it was bugging you a bit yesterday.

James

The last time she was at my house for the night she got upset bout 9pm and wanted me to take her to the hospital, I'm thinking no way, ring an ambulance and she did, she's telling the operator I triggered her and I had no clue what was going on.

This time my parents weren't here and I'm looking after my physically disabled brother so when she started changing her mind and not giving proper suggestions then kept asking what are we doing, I said I'm just gonna drop you at the train station, she wasn't too happy but I didn't have time to drive around aimlessly. She wasn't too happy but I didn't care. If she came up with a solid suggestion it'd been different. I did nothing wrong, I wasn't rude.

I just can't stand people with no manners too, please, thank you, it's not hard really.

I won $181 lotto last night - yay! How was your day, James?

james1
Community Champion
Community Champion
Oh and thanks for asking for my opinion 🙂

Oh, Thank you James! Just getting an outside opinion usually helps, a different perspective. Exhausting is the right word!! 😃

live been working on my all or nothing attitude, I want to have friends and not crack it and cut them off.