Just want to Shout out

[Guest_1055]

I am just so tired, and I don't think I can try anymore. All I want to do is curl up tight and cry and cry. I am sick of this, and I even feel cross, as I said that. I can't do this, I just can't. And I don't think I want to anymore. I am not asking for any advice really and I am aware of the phone numbers and such., etc. But I just want to shout and shout out loud and say that I am plain sick of this. I am tired of struggling to get to where ever it is that I am going. I don't think I am making any sense either. So since I am unable to shout out in real life at the moment. I hope it is okay with whoever who reads this that I am virtually going to shout out now. I also feel like punching out, because it is just too much. It's too much.

I HATE THIS, JUST HATE IT. I AM TIRED OF FAILING AND FAILING. I JUST WANT TO GO.

[Guest_1055]

Thanks for giving your time to me in posting Stressless. Appreciate it. I am sorry that you are going through something similar to me. It is such painful feeling. Like for me I had all these dreams on what married life would be like... But it is and has been nothing like it. I think perhaps "monkey" was right . It is a feeling of grief.

I wish I could ease your heart some or bring some kind of comfort to it. I am just learning to let go of expectations, which is not easy at all. Forgive quickly so I do not live in bitterness or resentment . And seek happiness from elsewhere. And also co dependence. I did not think that I struggled with that. But from the last lesson in this group I go to well I do. It is like I have become dependent on hubby for my own happiness and a reason to actually want to live. I need to get this from elsewhere , just like Mrs D was saying. So I have learnt this happiness thing from 3 different people within the last couple of weeks.

I think hubby feels weighed down with me placing this expectation on him. I was not aware that I was doing it though. So maybe something similar is happening in your relationship Stressless...

Anyway Thankyou again.

Shell

[Guest_1055]

Ah Thankyou for the hug Mrs D,

Your words of acceptance and forgiveness are ones that I have been hearing in my own thoughts.

And I have never seen that word "struggling" before in such a positive way. Well that is how I perceived the word when you wrote it. I suppose it invites or promotes some kind of action. Maybe for our own good or something.

As to the happiness issue.....My eyes have been opened to that just over the last week. One cannot expect someone else to make them happy. I am not certain if it has really become a reality in my thoughts as yet, like it has not fully sunk in. But I can see it takes the weight or pressure of the person who you are expecting to fill that hole in your heart. They can relax perhaps..

I was much encouraged by words, so Thankyou Mrs D.

Shell xx

[Guest_1055]

Thankyou for holding my hand today, your touch meant so much. Thankyou for buying me one of those veggie burgers and it was your idea too. Thankyou for your offer to buy me some clothes.

[monkey_magic]

I'm happy for you shell, does this mean life's turned a corner for you and hubby, I sure hope so 🙂

[Guest_1055]

I am trying to be thankful and life seemed good for about two hours today.... Now I just feel like a piece of useless garbage. So sad.

Thankyou for asking of me though.

[Croix]

Dear Shell~

You have been sad for a while now and as you know sadness colors all the world - until it starts to lift. You have had a fair bit of pretty good advice from friends here, things to think about and work on, that's great. Both the advice and the care.

I would think that what works somewhat for me might work for you too. As well as following that advice - trying to live for yourself without quite such an emphasis on hubby and so - there could be a second approach.

Look for the things you can enjoy - enjoy for no particular reason, just feel good. I use reading, music, exercise, pets, movies. I go for a walk and that helps too. The rule of thumb is if you can look forward to doing it then you are on the right track. Schedule a set daily time to do these - plus extra when hit hard by unwelcome thoughts.

It may sound easy to so this but it is not. Sadness will make each thing you think of as something to try as being no good.You do have to persevere. At one time I was so depressed I could not read at all. It came back slowly starting with adolescents' simple books and worked back up to adult. Same with movies.

I've watched you right down in bad times, they fizzled out and you became happier. You will again

Croix

[Guest_1055]

Thanks for posting to me Mr Croix... I appreciate it. And thanks for reminding me that I will okay. I know that I will be.

Shell xx

[Quercus]

Hi Shelley,

Sorry I have been out of the loop lately (and absent when it sounds like you've really needed a pick me up!).

I like the idea of a haircut and a new wardrobe and a new job or hobby. That's me at the moment too. Wading through a bit of a swamp in my mind and trying to keep moving so I don't get sucked down. It will pass. For both of us. Just takes time and to keep trying.

This feeling unwanted business has knobs on it huh. I tried the haircut which didn't make me feel any more confident but today something happened...

I went to two opshops in a fancy suburb. 11 new shirts and a dress for my cousins wedding for $80. Put them on the card without asking permission. Nice things I would never look at because they are too dear and I don't have a job.

I put them all aside to wash and was surprised to come into the lounge and see hubby on the couch waiting with the pile of clothes and a pair of heels. He said he wanted to see them all. He doesn't ever seem to care what I wear or how I look. I didn't think he noticed. Apparently he does.

He kept nodding at each piece and afterwards said they all are similar styles that remind him of things I used to wear before kids. That he was happy because he sees me caring for myself again as a healthy thing. That me finding ways to claw back my identity as an individual not a mother was attractive.

I wanted to share this with you too. Self care and making yourself feel good are attractive apparently. Plus pampering is fun and doesn't have to be expensive. You mentioned a haircut... Come on Shelley time for some TLC just for yourself.

Feel free to grab my hand and we'll wade out of this low self esteem muck together 😊.

❤ Nat

[Doolhof]

Hi Shell and All,

As strange as it may seem to some people, if I have no expectations of a person and I catch up with them, than any unhealthy expectation I may have had has not been shattered.

An open mind works better for me. Yes, I look forward to seeing my husband each morning when he wakes up, but I do expect him to be my instant "happiness" or "Self Esteem Fairy" he is just not that kind of person. The more I expect that from him, the more disappointed I will become.

So a smile and a hug from my husband is a precious gift to accept each morning. Any thing else is a bonus.

Yes Shell, the word STRUGGLE to me can conjure up a POSITIVE mind set. For me it means that I have not given up! I know that right now due to other physical health issues, my mental health has been impacted and it will take a while for things to settle down and be worked out.

Other people may see STRUGGLE as a negative and that is also fine. For me it is how I perceive the word in my mind and how it can help me to move forward right now.

Later on I hope life is not such a struggle, than I can back down with my efforts and move along at a more gentle pace. Words. We all perceive them differently.

Wishing you all a day where you find a way to keep going.

Cheers all from Mrs. D.

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

Typing mix up, was supposed to be I do not expect my husband to be my Happiness supplier.

I need to find ways to help myself feel happier, more at peace, settled and hopeful. Tough at times, yes, but worth it in the end.

This morning I have been for a walk and took my camera. The sheep I wanted to take photos of have gone and hidden themselves at the back of their paddock. Even from a distance I can see just how quickly their wool is growing back!

I took photos of butterflies and bees on flowers, of the scenery around me, a huge hare in the distance and a couple of kangaroos in the vineyards.

As I go about my day, I can think about all I have seen this morning and pat myself on the back for getting out and going for a walk. Self encouragement is something that I need to foster in myself! Ha. Ha.

Cheers to you all from Dools