Just want to Shout out

[Guest_1055]

I am just so tired, and I don't think I can try anymore. All I want to do is curl up tight and cry and cry. I am sick of this, and I even feel cross, as I said that. I can't do this, I just can't. And I don't think I want to anymore. I am not asking for any advice really and I am aware of the phone numbers and such., etc. But I just want to shout and shout out loud and say that I am plain sick of this. I am tired of struggling to get to where ever it is that I am going. I don't think I am making any sense either. So since I am unable to shout out in real life at the moment. I hope it is okay with whoever who reads this that I am virtually going to shout out now. I also feel like punching out, because it is just too much. It's too much.

I HATE THIS, JUST HATE IT. I AM TIRED OF FAILING AND FAILING. I JUST WANT TO GO.

[Doolhof]

Hey! Look at my post full of boldness!

That wasn't meant to happen. I had only meant for the names to be bold not that whole paragraph.

Oh well. It is there now! Ha. Ha.

[velvetfaerie]

I did giggle.., however at the moment I'm not.

the mental health system STINKS.

it doesn't pay to be a hard working member of the community... I may as well quit my career because I can't get in to see anyone for over 6 weeks due to BEING EMPLOYED WITH BILLS TO PAY.

Who cares right? Who the F cares... doing the right thing doesn't pay in our society.

Been on the edge for a month but hey - who cares... can you please delay your suicide attempt when convenient? Thanks.

[velvetfaerie]

Sorry about my rant.

I'm embarrassed.

Finally I get to see a psych on Thursday.

Being the way I am ATM isn't sustainable.

[Guest_1055]

Ah velv,

Is this one of the times in you that matches the words on your profile picture there?

If you are still feeling a bit hyped up, there is a virtual punching bag in this thread. Maybe you could give it a few good punches?

Take that ...take that. Anyway I am hearing you. It is good you were able to have a giggle though. Laughter is so freeing.

Shell xx

[Guest_1055]

Hey Mrs D , I am putting my hand up to your comment the other day.

"certainly does not help when the people we love and care for don't seem to know we exist. Hands up all those who feel that way!"

This seems to happen a lot in my life. I often feel not noticed by a person that I want very much to know that I do really exist. I mean I live in the same house, how come he can't see me? Often this feels like plain old rejection to me. And it is often this very situation that can cause me to slide back down into that awful and alone pit.

But very slowly and I mean slowly... I am learning to let go of that expectation. This learning seems to hurt quite a bit sometimes, as I do forget. But anyway whenever I have chosen not to expect him to notice my very existence. Well life seems to get better in some way. It is truly a challenge to explain. But perhaps I don't look so needy or something on the face??

And Mrs D, I laughed too at your boldness in regard to the bold writing. I absolutely love that about you.

Shell xx

[Guest_1055]

Hello Croix,

I read what you wrote about marriage. And now I hope I am understanding you correctly?? I saw a message of hope in your post. So thankyou And I am thankful and happy for you that you have the kind of marriage that you do.

I also noticed you said something about "boundaries ". We are studying it in this support group I go to. Like a protective fence of sorts that you allow the good to come on in , in your life and keep out the bad . And also about learning to say no. Let your no mean no and your yes mean yes.

Anyway hello to you ...

Shell

[Guest_1055]

Just saying hello to you is all Steph. And you and Velv have another thing in common. You are both into fitness and stuff big time. Anyway hello to you

Shell xx

[Guest_1055]

Hello T,

I still want to wrap you in a soft and comfortable quilt. A quilt hug. It is sometimes really difficult to lift ones head. And all one wants to do is cry and cry.

This may sound weird, I am not sure. But at times you can see beauty when you are looking down like that. Like in your picture, though you cannot see the woman's eyes. Anyway I know you like frogs, can you imagine one just hoping near you there? He is on the ground... You can focus on watching its body go in and out. It is a green frog and every now and then it stretches its leg out. Reminding you of another frog you have seen elsewhere. It is croaking now, but not too loud though.

Much love to you T

Shell xx

[velvetfaerie]

I'm a lost soul wandering around but also wound up beyond belief. And moody. And exhausted.

gonna try to go to boxing tonight ironically 🙂

Im so tired.

[Croix]

Dear Shell and All~

Yes you are right, I wanted there to be some sort of hope there, even though many do not have my fortune - in a partner anyway.

As for boundaries, well that covers all sorts of things. I'm probably not using the word as it should. Mainly behavior, what the other person is comfortable with, not taking over too much and not doing too little.

Not really thought out in advance as some sort of plan or code of behavior (any codes I started out with got modified pretty quick:), more learned from feedback as it happens and remembered.

Did you eat all the packet of biscuits?

Croix