Dear Velvetfaerie~
I hope you don't mind me contributing to this conversation. In this Forum are so many bad experiences I wanted to try to say it is not always like that.
You mentioned:
a lot of people out there just want partners to walk all over
I guess that's true. Our society did in the past, and to a lesser extent now, put males in the lead role. Combine that with a fair number of inadequate male personalities and you do indeed get a whole swag of unhappy or abusive relationships. Not all however.
I can't speak for everyone. In my case I need to be part of a partnership, and would not be happy if it was one-sided either way. I've learned that two heads are better than one in negotiating life , and mutual support and responsibility is needed to survive long-term.
I did learn it though, it was not something I was born with (quite the opposite as I was born in late 40's Britain). I've had two very happy marriages, but a fair amount of time in the first was spent learning conduct, boundaries and care (both of us that is).
I re-married older than you when my first wife died to a lady whose partner had passed away too. We both had the benefit of having learned previously so this marriage had a lot less 'adjustments' at the start.
So what am I saying? That your age does not preclude finding someone. That there are many who do not dominate or disregard the other - and prefer proper partnerships. And that learning is an essential ingredient (well for me anyway:)
I don't see you as having 'failed' at anything. Finding the right person is part luck, part instinct/judgment. I could just as easily have not found my partners, I was lucky and my instincts worked out. I hope you are similarly blessed
In parting I think everybody can be hard work at times, that's to be expected, but not really a worry.
Croix
