Just want to Shout out

Guest_1055 · ‎12-11-2016

I am just so tired, and I don't think I can try anymore. All I want to do is curl up tight and cry and cry. I am sick of this, and I even feel cross, as I said that. I can't do this, I just can't. And I don't think I want to anymore. I am not asking for any advice really and I am aware of the phone numbers and such., etc. But I just want to shout and shout out loud and say that I am plain sick of this. I am tired of struggling to get to where ever it is that I am going. I don't think I am making any sense either. So since I am unable to shout out in real life at the moment. I hope it is okay with whoever who reads this that I am virtually going to shout out now. I also feel like punching out, because it is just too much. It's too much.

I HATE THIS, JUST HATE IT. I AM TIRED OF FAILING AND FAILING. I JUST WANT TO GO.

Guest_1055 · ‎03-03-2017

Ah thanks heaps Hopeful( wishful), Elizabeth, Taurus and Narelle for listening to me. I really appreciate you all doing that. It helped me feel like a was a person worth listening to or something like that. I ended up going to the gym with that person I was waiting for. So all that exercise helped I think, as I no longer feel so angry.

Wishful....yeah I read about you digging up holes in your backyard. Anger or frustration, I don't know ...can be used as a driving force to do perhaps useful stuff. Was it a fruit tree you are going to plant into one of those holes? Thank you for hearing me. Shell xxx PS..... Because I have a very clear imagination, like I see things in pictures or stories. Well..... I did see a timber looking wagon, a bit worn and like it may fall apart at any moment. Well it was bouncing along over a rocky path of sorts. Then as the wheel went over a larger stone, the wagon tilted a bit. Then two people tumbled out. They didn't appear to be hurt either.

Thanks Elizabeth, I cried happy tears when I first read these replies. But I came back later and read them all again and this time your words had me smiling, in the nicest possible way. And yeah I believe we are facing similar things in our lives at the moment. I also read somewhere else that you were stalking me. Haha Thank you.... Shell xx

Hi dear Taurus, thank you for listening to mre and encouraging me. I am almost speechless here. I think because you said when I hurt I hurt deeply. That is so me. I hope you had a better day today. And just so you know, you are still quite visible to me. Ah thank you so much for the hug. Love them! I will leave one for you here, to pick up if and when you visit again.....( ( T)) Shell xx

Ah Narelle, how nice to see you pop in here. Ah I am very willing to allow you to give me a push. And I am also willing to help you, if I knew actually how. I would be even willing to do one of those walking exercise sessions with you. You know the one you suggested in the walking thread. It might be fun. If you would like to, you could let me know in the walking thread. It would be an honor to do it with you. Thanks heaps for listening to me. Shell xx

Croix · ‎04-03-2017

Dear Shell~

I was coming over to thank you when I saw you had written this:

I am tired of attempting to verbally speak to people only to find myself awkward, self conscious, wanting to hide or run, fearing of what they may think of me.

You have a gift of making simple things come alive, and evoke memories in others - look straight away a couple remembered making pom-poms. One person got comfort from it jut on remembering.

So what can I say? Well, thank you Shell. You've brought a little oasis of peace in a frantic world.

So now you know what they think of you, good isn't it?

Croix

Guest_1055 · ‎04-03-2017

Good Morning Croix,

Mmmmm my brain is not thinking too clearly at the moment, it is a bit of a scrambled up mess. Many thoughts going off in many directions. So I don't trust them. My understanding of what you are saying could be way off. So I will come back later and read again. Anyway it is nice to see your name pop up in here, hope you are okay there.

Shell

Croix · ‎04-03-2017

Dear Shell~

I was just thanking you for the nice story about the pom-poms.

Croix

Starwolf · ‎04-03-2017

Hi dear Shelle-Belle,

Just dropping in to visit an old friend who's not feeling too well at the moment. There is something we both have in common...the ability to see in pictures. You gave us your vision of you. It is not a very positive one right now. So I thought I would give you mine...this is what I see when I think of you :

A beautiful lady in a long flowing dress who treasures tranquility and the time to dream. She is emotional and intuitive, devoted to those she cares about. Her presence is soothing and calming, a warm wave of affection.

Excessive sensitivity makes her vulnerable to changing moods and imagined rejection. When she ventures into the world, she finds it difficult to relate to others without becoming over-sensitive and vulnerable.

In a nutshell, sensitive, sympathetic, emotional and imaginative. An ethereal beauty, an odd blend of strength and fragility.

It all depends on time and perspective, doesn't it ? But this is Shelle as I know and see her in my mind's eyes. I also know she is no figment of my imagination...she does exist.

A warm hug to you, dear friend.

Doolhof · ‎04-03-2017

Hi Shell,

Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. My contact with the forum is a bit hit and miss at present!

Hoping you have a brighter day tomorrow.

The support, encouragement and care we all receive here is amazing isn't it!

Really do hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

Guest_1055 · ‎06-03-2017

Ah thank you so much for thinking of me Mrs D. And yes I believe I did have a bit more of the brightness coming into my day yesterday and today. I no longer feel so angry.

In my imagination I am blowing beautiful bubbles towards you through an orange plastic round thing. And there you are lovingly talking to your chook.

I do hope you are feeling better today also.

Shell xx

Guest_1055 · ‎06-03-2017

Hello Star,

I have read your post quite a few times, and even had the thought of asking my sister if she saw me like you do. For some reason I seem to find it a challenge to know who I am. But I do recognise some of those things in me that you mentioned.

I also still see the things I mentioned about myself in me also, I guess they are weaknesses or something.

I do appreciate you posting in here, and I felt a little special reading what you said. Currently I cannot figure all that out as to why, but just know the feeling that I feel. ( special)So thank you.

Also want you to know that I am getting to know you more as I keep reading Wishful thread. But I like to call her Hopeful.

Thank you for the friendly hug, here is one for you also. (( S))

Shelle- belle

velvetfaerie · ‎06-03-2017

I just want to run away and start again.

**many swear words** my life.

Starwolf · ‎06-03-2017

Shelle, what you have to say makes perfect sense. When we struggle with darkness, a lot of what we see is all about our perceived flaws and weaknesses. We are -at least in part- blindfolded to the brighter side.

Darkness is a head space. Because I'm not in your head, I see things from the outside, without the dark filter depression, anxiety etc... throw between ourselves and the world.

So what I see in my mind's eye when I think of you is also you... but viewed from a different perspective.

You know your hugs are always appreciated. Thank you.