In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

[Simona]

Hello.  I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me.  And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know  what else to do.  And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps.  My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking.  Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS.   And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there.   I have  no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me.  I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!".     I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat.  Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD.   So far today I'm ok i think.   I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair.  A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok.  I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

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[Graceeeeee]

Hi Simona,

Sorry I haven't dropped by in a long time. How's the hubby, kids, and lovely pets? 🙂

Thinking of you always ❤️

With Love,

Grace xx

[Simona]

I was discharged yesterday into the care of my mental health team. I have to take the medication which consists of an antidepressant and an antipsychotic. Thank-you all for your kind thoughts. I'm so relieved to be allowed home.

[Guest_5218]

Hi Simona. That is good news indeed Simona. You must have only been in for a little over a week then.

I'm relieved for you that you are now home again. I'll bet your hubby, kids and Bandicoot were all thrilled to have you back home again too. I know I've missed seeing you around here while you've been away.

Please update us on how you are going whenever you get the chance and feel like a chat. I look forward to hearing from you again soon. Oh, and did you notice that our sweet Graceeee is back? Wasnt that nice of her to drop by the other day? She hadnt been around for a month or more, so it was a lovely surprise to hear from her again after so long.

Take care Simona.

Sherie xx

[Starwolf]

Great news Simona,

So glad you're back where you belong...Have the Ad and AP been changed to a different sort ? I hope you're feeling OK and that those med issues have been resolved during your hospital stay.

Please let us know how you go if you feel up to it.

Thinking of you.

[Simona]

The local mental health workers hospitalized me because of the things I told them. I desperately wanted to be heard and understood. My partner didn't want it to happen and was very sad about me going away again. And i didn't struggle this time because I didn't want to see him cry like last time. I didn't want to go but I was co-operative. I didn't want the needle in the arm.

[Starwolf]

Your courage and resilience never cease to amaze me...In spite of your distress and the unwanted needle, you still managed to put your loved ones first. Your heart is pure gold.

Do you feel your hospital stay was beneficial in any way ?

The countdown to Spring is on...I'm ticking off the days. I'm sure you'll enjoy being back with your loved ones and spending longer, warmer days with them. You guys are lucky to have each other.

[Simona]

Hello Star : ) well I suppose looking back now the good thing about going back into the MHU was that my OCD took a backseat as did the relentlessly exhausting mania. This hospital stay was different from the one earlier this year. The first time I went in on a 'high' and this latest one a very 'low'. I'm doing well since coming home. I take my medication and try to eat well (not just berries & nuts). They are weighing me every week because they are aware of my anorexia issues. Had a really nice day out with my boys today and walked a few k's along the river. The sun was out and it was just beautiful. It felt like Spring : )

[Guest_5218]

Hi there Simona. Firstly I must say that you are sounding so much better. I hope you are feeling as well as you sound.

It is good news that you are able to eat better now that the blood medication is all finished with. Nothing wrong with nuts and berries, but you do need to have a balanced diet of other food groups and good nutrition in general in order to pick up after such a difficult time of late.

Your day out with the boys and walking along the river sounds like an almost perfect day. I love rivers. And it was also feeling very much like spring here today too. Quite warm and very sunny. Although I think we are going to get a fair bit of rain through the middle of this week. But thats okay too, as we could use a bit of rain to freshen things up a bit and kick spring along. I did some work in my garden today to take advantage of the sun.

Keep up the hard work Simona, you sound like you are making good progress. Soon we will have you back with us again, the clever unique and quirky Simona that I love to hear from. Take care wont you. Big hug.

Sherie xx

[Simona]

If i was to be entirely honest the only reason I'm home is because i wanted them to leave me alone. I wanted them to listen to me but without taking my rights away. I wanted them to hear me without enforcing the horrid medication. I didn't like that psychiatrist . I didn't like him so very much and he knew because he reported back to my partner and told him. HA! This tuesday will be a long and tricky day. My psych nurse is coming and i have missed her so much. For weeks possibly months the paranoia didn't allow me to speak with her. Now i can speak and i will tell her what led to my latest hospital stay. I'm trying to take good care and going out into the sunshine. Eating is tricky because sometimes i can eat other times not because I'm punished. Last night i ate and partner smiled because he made hamburgers with all these vegies pureed into the mix. But i got it all up in the toilet. I felt sorry for him then but he doesn't understand.

The very good thing is that my ocd/mania has mysteriously stopped. Only 1 shower a day now.

[Simona]

I just got confused. Tuesday will be long and tricky not because i see my psch nurse but because right AFTER i see her i have to check into that mental health place and be seen by a psychiatrist then be weighed. I don't like being weighed and have someone there looking at the numbers. But i like this woman and she's getting paid to make sure i'm doing okay so i'm not hating her