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In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).
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Hello. I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me. And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know what else to do. And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared
Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps. My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking. Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS. And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there. I have no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it
I told partner please help me. I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!". I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat. Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.
I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD. So far today I'm ok i think. I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair. A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game
Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok. I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop
beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.
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Hello Simona. I'm glad you're at home, where you prefer to be, and where you are happiest.
And hey, what good news about the OCD and mania having mysteriously disappeared. Lets hope that continues.
Not so good about you not being able to eat well though. I am sorry to hear that its still really difficult for you. When you say that sometimes you cant eat because you are being punished? I dont understand who it is that is punishing you - can you explain it to me, so I can try to understand?
I hope Tuesday goes well for you Simona and I will be thinking of you. Tuesday is a busy day for me because I have to go into work, but whenever I have a free moment, I will be thinking of you. Its great that you like and get along well with your psych nurse. So that part of Tuesday will be nice for you. And I'm sure she will do her best to make your subsequent appointment with the psychiatrist for a checkup and weigh-in go as smoothly and stress free as possible.
I hope your children are doing well Simona? And I can see that your hubby is doing his best to try to help you with your eating, even though sometimes you are not able to eat.
All the best to you Simona.
Love
Sherie xx
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Hello Sherie 🙂 sometimes it's like i have to do certain things because if i don't than i'm bad, weak,gullible. Sometimes it's like my brain is hijacked or the best way i tried to explain to partner: i just get bad thoughts put in there. not mine. I had that a lot before i went into hospital. i felt like i was getting mentally hammered. Well that's how it feels because i don't wake up hating myself. I don't hate myself at all. Thank you for saying you will be thinking of me on Tuesday. That makes me smile : ) The boys are good but my daughter has the flu so she's getting some extra attention and soft kisses on her forehead. (i check her temp as she sleeps)
You know what i don't understand? i have no friends here on the outside but each time i go into the mhu i make friends so easily. They just come to me and hug me or touch me on shoulder and invite me for a card game or a dial in pizza party. I would like maybe 1 to 2 friends to go to the art gallery with and maybe even eat an old favourite: carrot cake with cream cheese icing topped with walnuts.
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Ok. My reply to you is awaiting moderation.
Well being honest and all; i was just brushing myself and thinking why i often see my mental health team like they are out to get me. Logic should have it that they are there to help me with no hidden agendas. But sometimes it just happens. I feel the need to be one step ahead of them. I sit in their offices and i think - i'll show you! or ain't seen nuffin yet. That's the other me that likes to make mess; the smirker. All except for my psych nurse because she's special to me and she understands me.
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Okay Simona I will keep a look out for your other post which got held up for now.
I can see that you understand yourself and all your individual quirks very well. Thats a good thing I think.
It must be reassuring for you to have a psych nurse who understands you so well. She's obviously a very special person and has taken the time and care to understand you as she does. You too are a very special lady Simona, so I'm sure this psych nurse knows you are worth her best efforts.
Kind thoughts and a hug to you if you'd care for one.
Sherie xx
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I'm sorry Simona. Are you able to contact your psych nurse out of hours? Perhaps you have her mobile or email that you could send her a message. Just so you know that someone is there for you, and she can lend you a friendly and hopefully helpful ear.
Try to stay calm though Simona, you'll be okay. And although I cant offer a friendly ear to which you can talk properly, I can be here to talk via the Forums if you'd like to.
Sherie xx
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Good to hear! Of course that's true. Have you had your dinner yet, and if so, what did you have? Is Bandicoot with you? I hope your daughter is recovering from the flu, and I also hope you dont get it too.
I am about to go and get some dinner myself, so I must be off now. But I will check back in with you later.
Hugs,
Sherie xx
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