Im new. Unsure how to start.

[Sapphire_]

Hello. Im new. I dont really know where to start. My heart is pounding, Im so anxious to be on here. Im not sure if its the right thing to do. I've never spoken to anyone about how i feel or anything. Even my husband. I just cant. I dont really know what i am supposes to do. I feel so alone and lost.

[startingnew]

thats perfectly fine lovely, no need to talk about anything your uncomfortable with and all in good time. xoxo

its hard to get through SA for sure, if you ever want to talk then im open to whatever. not just for your story but if your struggling with certain things in regards to this like acceptance, flashbacks and other things that go with this trauma. im not perfect and by no means cured but i can say im further along then i was a year ago mostly because of the people here and learning alot so happy to share whatever knowledge i have with you.

when sleep troubles become chronic- meaning long term- it can be hard to feel refreshed after sleep. the body gets so use to sleeping its almost like it doesnt know what to do with the sleep that we get. thats why we dont feel refreshed and still tired and lethargic. after a few months of having good quality sleep things start to come back abit better. but thats hard to do so dont be too hard on yourself- sometimes our brains and bodies have other ideas hey.

thats awesome you went shopping and without a panic attack and talking to your dietician sounds like a good idea. just a thought- when you go maybe talk about magnesium suppliments (they come in powder form and taste ok in OJ) its suppose to be good for sleep, energy and muscle relaxing and recovery.

thanks SL, your not too bad yourself, enjoy your day esp since i know you like TT, and making sure my butterflies are floating around for you. xoxo

[startingnew]

i also want you to know that none of what happened was/is your fault. whoever done that to you should be ashamed of themselves and please know that no matter what your mind says its not your fault at all and it should never have happened in the first place ok.

i forgot to meantion these 2 services that i think could help you when in either crisis, or your SA thoughts are getting overwhelming and you need more support

lease check out the Blue Knot Foundation and also 1800REPECT. both of these services are for SA survivors and i say surviver not victim becasue you are still here and look at you now. you are pushing through all the crpa and making a better life for yourself and i am proud of you

[demonblaster]

Survivors alright & yes so much learning here, what an awesome place it is.

1800RESPECT (the S was missing, not being picky SLD xx) and that's the best easiest site I've navigated was REALLY impressed.

Yeah sleep deprivation creates more stress & weakens us & just heard other day GP told the bloke I was talking to that glucose are created by the body to pick us up (I think adrenalin too or similar, that feeling in the chest same as adrenalin feeling) when we're really tired. So both? might contribute to not sleeping and of course our thoughts.

Sapphire yeah I feel same if someone's answered not wanting to be rude or ignore them and not reply if someone's posted & I know Starts does too but you're new to all this so no hassles I"m just letting you know cause I'm here & there on forums & that's my thread so I'm there as much as po.

Just read a tinsy bit re Magnesium the other day in below about it, brains on strike so it's in that thread.

Ask DR KIM in health professional section Sapphire don't know if you know there's a search box top R) to find threads or can go to All posts & find the section

Have great day lovelies

[demonblaster]

1800RESPECT or 1800 737 732 Phone & Counselling 24 hrs.

[Sapphire_]

Thanks DB and SN 🌼

Wow soo much great info. Ive never heard of that Respect one so i will have to check it out.

Startingnew, thank you for what you said about it not being my fault. I cried. I honestly have a hard time believing its not my fault. I believe the CSA was not my fault but the SA i feel was all on me.

Magnesium sounds like a good idea. I will ask my dietician about it. If it helps with sleep i am up for it.

DB how was TT? Sounds like fun. 😊

Today was another day spent in exhaustion. Was a busy day though. My neighbor needed a baby sitter so spent the day with 2 young ones. Was nice but when youve had no sleep its hard. I got to go for a swim in their pool though which was nice and relaxing. Was also faced with a rather awkward question by on of the kids about my scars. I had no idea what to say. I was stumped and just put my jacket back on.

Who is Dr kim?

Hope you both had a good day. Will visit your threads tomorrow when im able to read without my eyes hurting.

Much loves and hugs ❤❤

[startingnew]

Your most welcome loveley.
It took me a very long time to come to terms that its noy faults. For years I blamed myself for it and reasoned why it is e.g it was the clothes I worse, I was too flirty etc. it took someone on here to really get in in my head that it wasnt and isnt my fault. Sometimes we need to hear those words from someone who gets It, who has experinced it and is coming out the other side.
I will always tell you the truth. I have no reason to lie to you and I mean it. It is not your fault at all.
Good the csa isnt your fault but guess what neither is the SA. None of It is your fault and I believe you- whatever happened to you I believe you and I dont need to hear your story to know that xox people on here know most of my story its on the second page of my thread and then bits and pieces scattered through my thread. Abusers are controlling and influencing and know what they are doing, when I tried to speak up he told me he was going to end his life because of me. I was 16. so I really do get it but please believe me when I say its not and will never be your fault.


Magnesium is suppose to have lots of benefits including helping with sleep, anxiety, general wellbeing, muscle repairing and energy levels.


Young ones dont understand what they are and most of the time they are happy with ' oh thats just an old injury nothing to worry about' it gives them an answer and while its not the truth they dont understand it enough. Maybe try that next time? No one has ever seen my scars except mh professionals when treating them- well maybe they have but they havent said anything but I dont dont it on my arms and am very self conscious about it too

[Sapphire_]

Thanks Starts. Means alot to hear someone tell me its not my fault. I still will probably aleays feel like im to blame. If i had of left him. If i had of chosen not to go to that party. If i didnt get blind drunk. I should have left him but i didnt and he just had this control over me. I stayed with him for so long, I was stupid i should have left. I was scared of him. He was my bf. I was scared to leave him because he would have killed me. He told me if i ever told anyone or left him he would kill me. I couldnt tell anyone especially my mum. She wouldnt believe me, not when she didnt believe me the first time. I couldnt tell dad because he would have killed him, he probably would have killed my dad. I couldbt tell anyone. I deserved it because i stayed with him. He was bad, violent. I was 15. He was in his 20s. I couldnt leave him because i was scared of what else he would do. Then one day he finally had enough of me and moved away.

If i had of left him it wouldn't have continued. If i didnt go to that party that i wasnt allowed to go to i would never have met him. If i didnt flirt with him it wouldn't have happened. So i am to blame. Its all on me. I deserved it because i stayed.

I see him sometimes and i panic and run. He still scares me. Im scared to run into him.

[Sapphire_]

I feel sick from my last post. I shouldn't have posted it. I should have just left it where it belongs deep inside my head. I feel like somehow he will find out. My hands are all sweaty and my heart is racing. I shouldnt have posted it. Ive never told anyone accept hubby. Even then i shouldnt have said anything. I have that fear embedded into my soul and i cant get rid of it.

I generally dont let people see my arms. But its been super hot. So i wear short sleaves when i can and just try to hide my arms. Most of the time i just wear long sleaves to cover them up. Im ashamed and embarrassed of my scars, they are from both sh and other attempts.

[startingnew]

loveley this isnt your fault. please believe me when i say that.

what you just posted tells me exactly how insecure he was. you cant see it but i can.

1. he used his age to over power you

2. he took advantage of you while you were drunk and unable to give conset- um a respectable person wouldve waited.

3. he scared the crap out of you to control you.

he knew exactly what he was doing, his self esteem really mustve been shot honestly. you were such a young girl, halfway hrough highschool, brain barely developed. you stayed because you were scared a tactic he used to keep you.

does this make sense? can you see why its not your fault now?

as some one who has experienced SA, i do understand what your going through. you need to remind yourself that you are safe. you have a wonderful hubby and he is no longer in your life. you are a lovely woman with the rest of her life ahead of her. you no longer have to live in fear. you can breathe, and meet new friends, you have a hubby and your little dog. your amazing best friend is helpnig you too. sometimes the best thing is to keep moving forward because you are worth it and i will keep telling you that ok.

and thank you for sharing, i know how hard that is. very friggin hard. i also want to remind you that the helplines are there are your own will and the 1800 respect line and information is there too. they have survivor stories as well. you can do this, i believe in you. xoxox

[demonblaster]

Hey girls & readers

I've read your reply Sapphire & will catch the rest next trip in, thx for asking tt & for reply in my thread I'll bbl to that but I usually thumb when I read posts not always

Dr Kim is a GP who works off here which reminds me before I go bed which need to but I got 2/3 hrs day sleep today so thats good

Love how you're charging and yes it all takes time but you're a new chooky,sooo good to see & thx your contributions to other thread are pure magic

Hey SLD (( soul hugs )) Sapphire are you a hugger if not starts will take it 🙂