Im new. Unsure how to start.

Sapphire_ · ‎11-08-2017

Hello. Im new. I dont really know where to start. My heart is pounding, Im so anxious to be on here. Im not sure if its the right thing to do. I've never spoken to anyone about how i feel or anything. Even my husband. I just cant. I dont really know what i am supposes to do. I feel so alone and lost.

demonblaster · ‎26-01-2018

Does this GP know you hun, the best thing as you've started doing my dear girl is being honest and this hun needs urgent attention becuase you need to be able to eat although you're kinda tolerating the shake type drinks aye? although you were a bit nauseous from them too I think.

Meds, maybe if you can book in for another GP or that one again & in mean time go to chemist if they know you they can ring the doc and get script faxed, you could maybe say you weren't in good head space which isn't exactly a lie because you really need them and they'd know that.

Has GP been crook on you before, maybe why you're reluctant to talk but priority to get them

Beaach sounds great with your friend, what a boom, so happy for you can't tell ya how much.

See you've got the strength you didn't think you had, it's there just hiding till we start taking control which is what you're doing. Stoked for ya

thanks popping in to say hi 🙂 anytime, lovely having visitors xx

Sapphire_ · ‎26-01-2018

Thanks SN & DB 😊

The gp i went to i have seen since i was a kid. I went to him once to tell him i was feeling depressed and he kinda just swept it under the carpet. Saying im fine. A few months later I went down hill and ended up in hospital. That was when i first posted on here. I dont think he is interested. He seemed a bit annoyed actually. Time to find a new gp i think. I just dont know any good ones.

Today has been rough. Depression is trying to kick my ass. Thoughts creeping into my head so have kept busy and cleaned the whole house. Was too much at once. Nearly passed out. Now am just laying here on my bed trying to recover and not give into the thoughts. Ehh its soo hard.

Its my first time alone since i went off my meds and am feeling a bit lost tbh. Not sure what to do now that ive done everything. My mum wants me to go over to their house but im not sure i can handle that today. I might say something i will regret because Ive been wanting to tell her what happened to me was not a lie like she accused me of. I just need her to believe me.

Eh im rambling. TTYL

❤Sapphire.

startingnew · ‎26-01-2018

hey loveley

it sounds like you need a new gp. most drs surguries now have a website so maybe you could take a look up on localsearch for a drs surgury. some of them have profiles on each gp too so thats a good place to start.

just rest now and try to sleep it off. put on some music or a move and just rest.

sometimes its best to leave things in the past and move on. i know its hard not to have that acceptance but you know what happened, and the others youve told believe you too. we wont all get the acceptance of every one we love unfortunatley

how did you go today?

demonblaster · ‎26-01-2018

Yeah choof him darl

I read something just recently here about GP's and a rating type system, if I stumble on it I'll give you a yell actually it might have been on something I was working on today for here, you could try a search here or check out from All Posts then go to Health professionals & treatment it might be there I saw it.

And what Starts said is good too.

You've had a long deep low darl, sleeps been majorly whacked for wks, takes up to wks to recover when you do start getting better sleep are you btw?
Keep telling yourself you're on your way back up and you've had a taste of good so that's where you're going sweetheart.

Don't know if you read back but Starts and I and not sure if someone else also replied to you on other thread (the one that you're doing the recovery talk on)

I see both ways on telling your Mum, good call not going, better to wait till you're back on top I'd think lovey otherwise if it erupts that it sounds like it would it'll add to your down atm.
Acceptance if you can yeah, but also I see a release and get wanting her to know but then again you've probs tried in the past and she won't listen to reason I guess so you may be right Starts but mmm tricky one

Get as much sleep as you can darl, if not try a really hot as you can handle bath preferably or shower which helps relax the body

Easy to say but allow a thought (evidentally the brain has to have whatever thoughts) but then don't think anymore about it, so next thought think about dunno a flower what it looks like, or stars, or being on the beach watching the water etc, cause then it stops a down thought while you're thinking that, keep doing it. It reduces the habit and clears the mind a bit of the rubbish.

Sleep well lovely ones xx

demonblaster · ‎26-01-2018

Yeah choof him darl (might be multiple posts soz PC had a little fluff)

I read something just recently here about GP's and a rating type system, if I stumble on it I'll give you a yell actually it might have been on something I was working on today for here, you could try a search here or check out from All Posts then go to Health professionals & treatment it might be there I saw it.

And what Starts said is good too.

You've had a long deep low darl, sleeps been majorly whacked for wks, takes up to wks to recover when you do start getting better sleep are you btw?
Keep telling yourself you're on your way back up and you've had a taste of good so that's where you're going sweetheart.

Don't know if you read back but Starts and I and not sure if someone else also replied to you on other thread (the one that you're doing the recovery talk on)

I see both ways on telling your Mum, good call not going, better to wait till you're back on top I'd think lovey otherwise if it erupts that it sounds like it would it'll add to your down atm.
Acceptance if you can yeah, but also I see a release and get wanting her to know but then again you've probs tried in the past and she won't listen to reason I guess so you may be right Starts but mmm tricky one

Get as much sleep as you can darl, if not try a really hot as you can handle bath preferably or shower which helps relax the body

Easy to say but allow a thought (evidentally the brain has to have whatever thoughts) but then don't think anymore about it, so next thought think about dunno a flower what it looks like, or stars, or being on the beach watching the water etc, cause then it stops a down thought while you're thinking that, keep doing it. It reduces the habit and clears the mind a bit of the rubbish.

Oh you're a bit lost was thinking too what about perusing some threads here or playing a low key easy relaxing non thinking type computer game, I like the bubble pop types

Sleep well lovely ones xx

Sapphire_ · ‎27-01-2018

Yeah ive decided to find a new gp. Going to check some ratings out. Just sucks to find a new one. He has been my gp since i was a kid.

Ive also decided not to pursue acknowledgement from my mum. Its too hard and i dont want her to feel guilty. Maybeits selfish of me to want her to understand and be sorry for not listening to me. Its just hard when she wants me to be open with her and i cant because of this. I tried when i was 13 to tell her about the SA that happened to me. She slapped me in the face so hard and told me not to make up lies. That was the first time i attempted suicide. SH came next. She doesn't know about either. I keep having flash backs and nightmares about the abuse and cant tell her because she never believed me. My own mother didnt believe me. Only just recently i told the person i was talking to on the helpline. Only the second person i ever told. I just dont understand how she couldnt believe me. I trusted her and she slapped me and yelled at me. I love her but i think i gate her for that. We'v never been close since. I try to avoid her. Im a daddies girl through and through. My dad doesnt know because i was too affraid to tell him. I dont want the same reaction. Im scared of him doing the same.

Today is hard. I had to use all the willpower i have just to roll out of bed. I have things to do but am finding it hard to do them. Doing the opposite today is just too hard. And thoughts are rampant in my head. I cant allow this to happen but its just so easy to give in. Going to meditate and see if that helps.

Sapphire_ · ‎27-01-2018

DB. What post are you refering to about replies? I hope i havent missed any. I get confused easy. 😶 i hope ive not been rude and havent responded to someone.

startingnew · ‎27-01-2018

hey lovely

im glad youve decided to see a new gp. its hard changing but he might not have any answers for mh and with lacking very little interest its time to move on and i wish you luck finding someone new.

its not selfish to want your mother to beleive you, sometimes they have a hard time accepting something like that happened too. even if she doesnt believe you, i do and have done since you came here and i know others here will be the same. the flashbacks and things i can understand too as i have SA happen to but no one except here knows it happened oh and my gp for testing purposes.

do you want to talk about what happened? you dont have to of course here for you anyway xoxox

some days will be harder than others lovely, but you will get back up youve had a taste of that happiness. keep ahold of that and use it and remember it when things get tough like now. hopefully your day didnt turn out too bad for you

sending lots of hugs xoxoxo

Sapphire_ · ‎28-01-2018

Thank you SN. 😊

I cant write what has happened to me yet. Its too distressing for me especially since im still not fully recovered from being in that darkness. Maybe sometime i will write it all out but for the momebt i feel as though it would be a setback.

Im sorry you too have had to suffer from SA. Its a hard and terrible thing to have happen and overcome. I struggle with this everyday.

Today i have been sooo tired. It hurts. I slept along time last night but it wasnt quality. I woke up exhausted and tired like i havent slept in days. Thinking its nightmares or night terrors causing it. Or something else entirely. I guess at least it was more sleep than i usually get. Just would be nice to feel refreshed after sleep.

I managed to go shopping today without panic attack. I meditated before i went so i think that helped alot. Im just really drained and feel like rubbish.

Im sure im feeling tired and exhausted because im not getting enough nutrients and water. Something to talk to my dietician about next Thursday.

Need to keep picking myself up to move forward. Give me strenght.

Xx

demonblaster · ‎29-01-2018

Hey girls

Sapphire still gives me pleasure seeing and saying your name, sorry didn't catch that post asking about thread & you've been there the "other one "
Sooo happy to hear how you're going what an inspiration to so many, great you're updating on other thread too that'll help so many.
Awesome med before panic attack, you're charging
I've found because we're totally exhausted but beasty "IT" won't let us sleep we still keep going so it takes up to wks to recover so a reason you feel so blagghhh

Starts, you earn your badge my SLD you're solid & thanks always for so much support in threads haven't caught up in other one yet but it's been bumped so that's the important part, getting there maybe today

Special needs tt (table tennis) today, love them but today REALLY could have done with more sleep but that's how the butterflies float 🙂

Cyaz oh & great to see you circulating around forums Sapphire, fantastic learning
Caio babies good days for yaz I hope