Im new. Unsure how to start.

Sapphire_ · ‎11-08-2017

Hello. Im new. I dont really know where to start. My heart is pounding, Im so anxious to be on here. Im not sure if its the right thing to do. I've never spoken to anyone about how i feel or anything. Even my husband. I just cant. I dont really know what i am supposes to do. I feel so alone and lost.

Sapphire_ · ‎02-09-2017

My thoughts are all over the place. I feel like im losing control and no longer care about anything. I dont think the intensive day therapy is going to help me. Its a waste of time. I dont know how to stop feeling like this. Ive tried meditation, hypnosis, mindfulness, breathing. Ive tried doing the opposite of how i feel. Nothing has worked and i keep going back to the one thought. I font belong anywhere. Maybe im just not meant for this life. I dont know what to do anymore. Its too hard to fight when youve completely given up.

Starwolf · ‎03-09-2017

Considering it takes an average 21 days to establish a new habit, perhaps it is far to early to decide therapy is a waste of time. Your thought patterns have been in place for a long time. They have become well entrenched in your mind. Of course, the brain is going to return you time and time again to what is familiar to it...and with a vengeance at first.

It is an issue we all have to deal with at some stage. It took me years to get a grip on the aftermath of multiple and long-term traumas. Some emotional knots were relatively easy to untangle. Others required a lot of patient, persistent work. Mindfulness is a life-long practice. I wouldn't be without it. It is amazing how much of life we miss out on while we are trapped in our head...

demonblaster · ‎03-09-2017

Ahhh darlin Sapphire ur in an incredibly hard place. The depressed mind doesn't allow us to have hope & self belief but that doesn't mean you can't get better you need to believe, cause there has to b better than this.

You hav a lot of support & care here & hubby . You are worthy

Believe in yourself hun, we do 🙂

Starting hope you're on mend hun jeez not good aye

So happy to know & have you in our court Star (Rock) as always solid posting & wisdom You're da bomb xx

Tc all 🙂

startingnew · ‎03-09-2017

Hi Sapphire

i think both DB and Starwolf has given some great advice and support.

i know your in a hard place right now and its hard to believe that things will get better, but im sure they will. you have to beleive that too. i know your also tired and exhausted from dealing with all this stuff. i understand, we are here for you. helping you along the way.

please know your not alone, you have your hubby, the outside supports and us here too.

lots of love,hugs and encouragement

xoxoxoxoxo

yes DB not good at all. i am on the mend though. my migraines for the past week have finally eased up today. xoxo

toodepressed · ‎05-09-2017

Im new. Unsure how to end up !

Sapphire_ · ‎06-09-2017

Sorry i havent replied to you all. Im in a dark place. I was supposed to see the psych the day before yesterday but he ran out of time so rescheduled for yesterday but he wasnt there so i havent seeb him. Ive run out of meds. Im just sinking further into a black hole and cant get out. I cant stop the panic attacks and i cant breath, im in a constant state of panic and everytime i hear sirens i freak out thinking they are coming for me. I was so mad that i wasnt allowed to finush it all.

Its too hard. Im so over feeling like this im over trying. I cant do it anymore. Im so irritated by everything. Im mad that people think i should live and aim for goals. Why is it so bad to end it all? What does it matter to anyone if one person ends it all? Why does it matter if i just disappear forever? It doesnt to me so it shouldnt to anyone else. Right? My life is pointless and i see no way out. To make things worse i have to go attend this day therapy. This is the last day im going. Im gonna tell them im not going again. I see bo point to anything when ive already made up my mind.

Starwolf · ‎06-09-2017

I'm so sad to read you are in this dark pit. I too was once trapped in the same darkness a couple of times. So I'm here to sit with you a while...and in silence. There's little point saying anything when the head is so full of dark clouds that nothing and no words can get through.

There's however a thought I'd like to share with you. You must feel let down by your psych not being there. Is there a way you can contact his office to let him know about the medication running out ? Stopping meds abruptly can have disastrous results. I wouldn't be surprised if it had something to do with your present despair. Therapists are aware of this. Surely something could be done for you to pick up a prescription renewal even if he cannot see you.

What do you think ?

startingnew · ‎06-09-2017

im just going to sit here with you too Sapphire

im sorry your in such a dark place

sending lots of hugs and love

xoxoxox

Sapphire_ · ‎07-09-2017

So I seen the doctor yesterday and asked him if i still needed to take meds and he said i dont have to if i dont want to. So i opted not to take any, hubby is mad because he thinks i need them. I ended up leaving the day therapy after seeing the doctor. Went to the beach and ended up SH and was found by police and taken to hospital where i had to stay for 7 hrs. Told them what they wanted to hear so i could go home.

Sophie_M · ‎07-09-2017

Hi Sapphire, it sounds like it has been a big 24 hours for you. It's very concerning for us to read that you are still not being honest with health professionals about how bad things are you at the moment, despite harming yourself seriously since your last post.

It's great that you trust our community here to be able to let down the mask and say how you're truly feeling - unfortunately, in an online anonymous space like this we aren't able to give you the support you need and keep you safe at this time because we are not there in the room with you.

Our community here is doing our best to support you, but we would urge you to do two things:

1. Please be honest with your husband and support network of health professionals about your suicidal feelings so you can get the help you need to get through this crisis, and;

2. Have a think about how you would best like us to support you here on the forums, within the limits of what a forum is able to provide. Please remember that many of the people reading your posts and supporting you are also struggling with suicidal thoughts and feelings. Letting us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place.

One of the professional counsellors from our support service will be contacting you offline shortly with the offer of a phone call should you choose to take that up. You can also contact them yourself if you wish on 1300 22 4636.