Im new. Unsure how to start.

[Sapphire_]

Hello. Im new. I dont really know where to start. My heart is pounding, Im so anxious to be on here. Im not sure if its the right thing to do. I've never spoken to anyone about how i feel or anything. Even my husband. I just cant. I dont really know what i am supposes to do. I feel so alone and lost.

[Sapphire_]

Hi Grandy.

I couldn't imagine you ever saying the wrong thing. But i know how it goes. I always think that i will say the wrong things too so limit what i say.

I hate how our minds work. Telling us repeatedly what we dont want to know or hear. Bringing us down. Ignoring it is so hard.

I guess i was punished because i went to sleep during the day. I know im not allowed to do that. If i had of stayed awake it wouldnt have happened. It was only an hour nap. I needed it but i shouldnt have done it. It wouldn't have lead to him SA me. I guess it could have been worse. I shouldnt complain really. I dont think it will happen again. I should consider myself lucky. He has been very caring to me. There are just rules that need to be followed. If i follow those rules i wont get in trouble. Simple really.

Thank you for the hugs. I did need them.

❤❤❤

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Sapphire,

I did say the wrong thing once, it was the way I read it, so I answered a little upset and well,mi upset him..Then I got really upset, and couldn't post for weeks. Now I don't have much confidence in posting..lol Sometimes if I'm not sure, I will close my eyes and just press, if it's post that's okay,mifvits cancel well that's okay as well, 💜.

Sapphire it's okay sweetheart, it wasn't your fault, anyone can fall asleep anywhere if they are tired enough..?There was this lady that I worked with oh ages a go, she used to fall asleep standing up at the machine,,That's 100% Truth.. People fall asleep driving which is so sad..When our body decides it wants to sleep nothing will stop it from doing so. Have you been doing distraction or meditation regularly to try and stop the negativity coming through, what about nice music, no vocals just music..Hate the place your in atm. It will pass. Sapphire I'll sit with you tonight if that's okay, I'm glad you like the hugs, so do I ..I'll send you some more...{{{{{🤗🤗🔮🤗🤗}}}}}.

Take care of yourselves. Xx

Grandy..

Im so really sorry for your pain, But sweetheart it wasn't your fault. You words sound so sad, so tired, please be okay Sapphire, please look after yourself.

[Sapphire_]

Thanks Grandy ❤

Its not a good feeling being scared to be in your own house, own bedroom, own bed and around hubby. I can barely stand to look at him. Im just glad he works long hours and have so far managed to avoid him. I know i will have to make a decision soon but its too hard. We'v been together for so long. Since i was 16. Thats half my life. I need to know if i love him or not. I cant start to heal until i talk to him. There is no time. He is always working. He needs to know what he did was wrong and that im scared that it will end up like my ex. I dont think i could handle that.

I feel so numb. I just cant deal with anything. Its easier to block it all and pretend it never happened.

Ive been listening to meditation every night but havent for a few days. I just cant be bothered with anything. I dont know why it has to be this hard. Life shouldnt be this difficult. Im too tired to keep trying.

I hope you have a peaceful night xx

[Ggrand]

Hello Sapphire,

No one can tell you that you love him or if you want to move out except for you..

You said that you are scared in your own home, bedroom, bed and husband.. imo walking on eggshells.

I lived in fear of my life for 39years, with a husband that groomed me to believe I was wrong and caused everything. Did I love him, yes..Did I like him, No. believe me, living in fear everyday will keep taking you down and then you will start thinking, it's my fault then feel guilty over it..

Its a decision that you have to make..I think that a marriage should be a two way respectful. Hubby should respect you at all times, respect is love..I think if you cannot respect him you cannot love him.. You deserve to be treated right, every body deserves this..

Sapphire, try and get him to sit down together then talk to him, tell him your feelings and thoughts, even reminisce over old photos, see if the spark is still there, see what he says.. as I said before it's your decision , no one can make it for you..

Next time he's at work, sit down somewhere and really think, think hard about what he done and will he do it again?

Kind thoughts

Grandy

[Ggrand]

Hello Sapphire,

Im just popping in to check on you, it's been a while since you've posted and I haven't seen you around the forums,

Are you ok ?

Care deeply.

Grandy

[demonblaster]

Ditto to Grandy Sapphire 🤗 I've caught up here and thrilled on P.15 it looks like you're starting slowly to pick back up. Awesome hope it's continuing 👍

I too was wondering how you're going. No hurry just want you to know you've been in my/our thoughts

Take good care darls

[Ggrand]

Hello Sapphire,

sitting with you tonight, please know that I care..

Grandy

[startingnew]

hi Sapphire i hope your going ok. thinking of you xoxo

[Sapphire_]

Hello Grandy, Deebi & Starts.

Sorry i havent been on recently. I told my husband that i dont love him anymore. We had a very long talk and ge thinks its just my depression making me feel the way i do. So im not going that great at the moment. Ive just shut down. Shut myself away from everyone and everything. Im struggling with this hard decision to leave my husband. Conflicting feelings and no true way to find out how i really feel.

Thanks for checking in on me. I really aporeciate it. Just nit in a good place to even bring myself to post anything.

❤❤🌼🌼☄☄

[startingnew]

Hi Sapphire

Thanks for checking back in. Its ok not to feel up to posting.

Its sounding really rough for you atm and i hope some answers come your way about what to do and where to go from here.

Im not good at relationship advice though so maybe others might have some suggestions....

Hugs ❤❤