Im new. Unsure how to start.

[Sapphire_]

Hello. Im new. I dont really know where to start. My heart is pounding, Im so anxious to be on here. Im not sure if its the right thing to do. I've never spoken to anyone about how i feel or anything. Even my husband. I just cant. I dont really know what i am supposes to do. I feel so alone and lost.

[startingnew]

just checking in to see how your doing Sapphire, hoping the group therapy is going ok and your physicla ailments are being worked out

[demonblaster]

Hey Sapphire & Starts all and readers

Ahh Sapphire you're doing it hard again poor darl.

Hun youve had a really good taste of the goods can you try to remember those feelings and use that to lift again which you will eventually do.

I imagine your sleepings erratic. Sorry cant remember if you've tried any meditation theres a couple of ph apps im hearing are good. Insight timer and smiling minds and also heard yesterday here about yoga nidra. Maybe could help settle you.

Hows your poor throat going hopefully settlung down. I imagine the weights coming off that'd be a bit of light for you

I have been keeping an eye on your progress sorry havent been very communicative, just starting kind of to get back up too

Wanted to thankyou very much for your support as well on my thread deeply appreciated. Thanks Sapphire xx

Walking yesterday saw a van with advertising on it and said Sapphire, gave me the same lovely buzz your name does, thought of you, do anyway.

So hope todays better for you darl, i get some solace in knowing time changes things.

Are you still in touch with your lovely friend?

If not in words always with you in thoughts Sapphire, need you back up hun to help with your invaluable posting in other thread.

You can get past this hun please hold on.

We care a lot about you 🤗🤗 xx

Starts 🦋 SLD you look after yourself too treasure xx 🤗🤗

[Sapphire_]

Hi Starts, Deebi and everyone.

Sorry i havent been on for awhile. Im trying so hard to get my health under control. Not doing too well.

Group therapy/ DBT has been going really well. Its given me alot of useful tools/skills. Im really glad to be doing it.

Im still having trouble eating. Havent heard from the surgeon yet so am going to call him on monday. Physically tired and just feeling sick constantly. Don't leave the house hardly ever now. All i do is sleep or lounge about on the sofa. Trying to walk as much as i can even if its just for 5 mins. By then im exhausted and just want to sleep.

Mentally just hanging in there. Just keep thinking that once im better physically everything should fall into place. Trying to stay positive.

Deebi, its a pleasure to just pop into your thread and leave a lil hello 😊 i dont know much to say but think a hello is better than nothing. Nice to know you were thinking of me too. My friend lives just about 15-20 mins away. She has been doing her best to get me out the house. She has been so supportive. Im lucky to have her back so close by.

Starts, the suggestion of baby food was a good one. Some baby food is quiet tasty lol well maybe not the savory stuff.

Loves and hugs Sapphire ❤🌼 xx

[demonblaster]

Hey Sapphire Starts and all ☺

Good cya hun so glad group therapy going well. Good for you. Sorry can you repeat DBT ?.. Behavioural therapy?

Sounds rough youre really battling physically arent you. Hope you can get onto surgeon tomoz. Not sure if you do but waters important if you can keep fluids up it'll help your body overall

Pureed foods good too, say steak minced up same taste your body must be in need poor thing.

So glad your friends there for you, great your attempting small walks although difficult to do.

Good girl keeping as positive as you can, mindset helps doesnt it says she just coming out of a long down

Thanks what you say and being there means a lot Sapphire, fantastic support. You do fine darl honestly 🤗

Ok darl I better get to bed

Keep on keeping on Sapphire you've come a very long way lovey. Inspiring

Thoughts and care ☺ ⚘😗 💗

[startingnew]

Hey Sapphire
its really good to hear that DBT group therapy is going well, its had some great successes with mnay so im glad its helping you too. Hoping that your doing a little better today and your able to call the surgeon to see whats is going on. Its no wonder your exhausted, your body isnt getting the proper nutrients it needs to function at its best. Even 5 minute ealks are good though but only do what you can manage.
Mentally you would be exhausted too more so because of the physical stuff your dealing with.
Keep trying the best you can though, I know your doing that already xox
try the baby foods or as DB suggested puree stuff like potatoes, sweet potatoes and for fruits you can make fruit smoothies and add a few sorts in there or your favourites and thats another way as well.

sending some supportive hugs xoxo



DB- Dialectable Behaviour Therapy (DBT)- essentially teaching you how to mange and overcome those big emotions often leading to SH/SI thoughts and urges.

[demonblaster]

Thanks Starts I remembered later but hadnt been back to other thread to check xx

Hey Sapphire

Also hun theres which you may be on shakes that have all the nutrients too

Hope you have bit more energy today 🤗

[Sapphire_]

Thanks Deebi and Starts. I got my bloodtests back today and everything is fine apparently im not sick and its all in my head. Im so fed up. Since the surgery i have been so ill and weak and tired all the time. I dont think im making it up. Its not all in my head. I cant survive like this. Noone is listening to me. People are over me "complaining" all the time.

Maybe it is in my head. Who knows.

Im so over it. If they are unwilling to figure out whats wrong with me then whats the point to anything right?

Stupid emotions are stupid... i dont know what to do anymore.im at a loss.

[startingnew]

hey loveley

you not sounding the best.. are you able to get a second opinion? you cant live on baby and proccessed foods forever. you know your body best and if something isnt sitting right with you your entitiled to a second opinion.

is it the oesophageal ulcers causing it?

[demonblaster]

Sapphire hey Starts 😊

Hun Im glad your blood came back good.

Youve been/going through a lot mentally and physically I would think the op would take time for recovery your sleeps been up whoop st and youve had beasty residing on top of your daily stress so try hun to be gentle and allow recovery. When we hit the bottom it takes time getting back up which you will

Seen your lovely friend lately? I know she's trying to get you out which is great but when youre up to aye

Hold on hun you've had a taste of good let that be your goal again.

We're here with you holding your hands and to lean on

🤗🤗 peace

[Sapphire_]

Thanks Starts and Deebi.

I am just so over everything. Im over feeling good and then falling back down. Im over trying my hardest to beat this depression. Im over feeling sick and tired everyday. Im over being a failure and feeling worthless.

Im so angry all the time now. Im fed up with everyone and everything in my life. Hubby is tired of me being so moody. I just lock myself in my room and never want to see anyone. I just dont care.

There is no point in trying when all you do is try and you just end up where you started. I see my scars everyday and feel so disappointed that im still here.

That small part of me that wanted to live, it did grow. Now its shrinking and its shrinking fast. I feel so deflated.

Im so sorry i feel like ive let you down. I take in everything you both say to me. I appreciate you guys so much. Youve been there for me from the very start. I feel like im letting you down and that im failing you. I try so hard. I really do.

I just dont know whether i can do it anymore. I feel so weak.