Im new. Unsure how to start.

[Sapphire_]

Hello. Im new. I dont really know where to start. My heart is pounding, Im so anxious to be on here. Im not sure if its the right thing to do. I've never spoken to anyone about how i feel or anything. Even my husband. I just cant. I dont really know what i am supposes to do. I feel so alone and lost.

[Sapphire_]

Thanks Starts, DB & all. Sorry i wasnt on yesterday to see your replies. I was so sick. Passed out in my front yard. Think its all caused by not eating proper and dehydrated. Also not sleeping. Had panic attack yesterday, a pretty big one. Not sleeping is causing anxiety.

Its hard to accept that it was all his fault. I still feel like sone responsibility lays on me because i should have left. Even if i was scared of him. I still have to check out the RESPECT thing. Will do when im feeling better.

I have an appointment shortly with my psych. Physically not up to it. Need to go to keep on track. No way do i want to go down that dreadful path again.

Hope your doing well. Will check in a bit later on.

Hugs to you all ❤

[Sapphire_]

Today has been absolutely rubbish. Was gonna quit smoking today but couldn't. Maybe try again tomorrow. Went to my psych appointment with hubby. Regret that. I totally shut down and had to leave. He totally humiliated me. I was so upset and he got angry at me because i wouldn't accept his apology right away. It just made me feel so low and ashamed.

Not dealing too well with everything today. Today depression seems to be winning over me. Holding onto hope and that little glimmer of light. Tomorrow has to be better.

[Sapphire_]

Just went to the dr for sleepibg pills. Hopefully they give me a good night sleep. Im so wrecked from no sleep. I just need sleep. Its really affecting me. Oh i hope they work. Please work

[startingnew]

hey loveley, sorry havent been posting much. ill cathc up with you tomorrow but sending some hugs. jsut feeling pretty unwell. im really hoping its not an infection as have fevers and nausea and stomach issues sorry tmi

really hope they work for you. my fingers are crossed!

[demonblaster]

Hey girls 🙂

Sapphire I'm reading when I can but haven't caught up properly
Sorry you're sinking again, hun this happens. You've had this deep depression a long time & over many yrs it's been building.
How I see it each time you lift is regaining some strength & more learnt in process what I'm learning from here amongst SO much is to have these methods handy. (Below) Remembering how you got there before can help you again which you have from your fantastic input on "other thread".

Keep in mind how you felt recently Sapphire darl, SO happy and you've had light after all these yrs so there's Hope/reason/want, 3 starting point of many tools to help get through.
If you can get your mindset to make this a goal it helps reopen our minds which beast closes & helps lateral thinking which we need because we tend to only go with first down thought, if we think of other options...ways of how to cope overcome or move forward

Hard your rough psych visit with hubby, sorry to hear went rough hoping a positive is more insight for Pysch to help you.
Sounds like a v.good one from the stuff you're sharing on other thread, thanks for your great input too

Hope you got some breakthrough sleep. Tiredness our biggest demon imo not only carries stress but impairs our cognitive functions.

You'll get back up Sapphire I know you will. ((souls))

Starts darling SLD xx sorry you're travelling so hard hun I'll get to you but for now know I'll always care deeply hun & with you in spirit if not in your thread but will get there eventually.

I'll post in surviving soon where I"m at rather than repeat over

Highly recommend:
BeyondNow app. Safety plan esp for where you are now. Easy to navigate well thought out for easy use which can be used for any level of depression It's a bb one
I need to update it with what's got me through these last 3 'episodes cause too hard to try & remember when beasties got it's grip

Tc (take care)
Tmi (too much information

[Sapphire_]

Hi Starts, Deebi & all.

Haven't been able to get on here much. Its taking alot of effort to come on. Just so tired. Sleeping pills are not helping. Waking up with headaches. Im feeling okish. Just super tired and no energy.

I have that app already. Beed to remind myself to use it when i need to.

Sorry short post. Cant manage much else. Will check on your threads. Try catch up on you guys.

Take care. Sapphire ❤🌼

[startingnew]

hey lovely, its just good to see you check in.

when are you able to see your gp again? it sounds like your sleeping tablets arent helping or are causing unwanted side effects so think its worth bringing up asap with your gp

sending loads of hugs and tlc xoxoxoxo

[demonblaster]

Thanks for check in Sapphire Hi Starts 🙂

Eventually your body will give in to sleep Sapphire, mind blowing how long we can keep going and when you do start getting it you'll find with regained strength you'll be able to emotionally cope better and your resolve will become stronger again

No need for reply to this I know you listen

You'll be ok Sapphire you have and will rise again 🤗 soul hugs

🤗 one for you too SLD (Starts darling)

[Sapphire_]

Starts & Deebi & all.

Ive been so low and just no energy or will to do anything. Cant even do basic things. Everything takes its toll on me. Im not sure whats going on. Im just soo tired and zip all energy. I hate being like this. Sleeping pills do nothing.

Tomorrow i start DBT. And have my psych in the arvo. Gonna tell her how ive been feeling.

Thats all i can manage for now. Hope your both doing well.

Thanks for the soul hugs. Right back at ya. Xx

[demonblaster]

Sapphire Starts Hi

Hun youve also not been eating post op much & poor thing youve been through the mill be gentle with yourself darl things will be a lot easier when you get more sleep xx

Hope DBT goes well interested learning about it. Good on you getting onto help.

Sorry too darl getting more sleep mostly & hrs daytime but not much in tank tonight either