Im new. Unsure how to start.

[Sapphire_]

Hello. Im new. I dont really know where to start. My heart is pounding, Im so anxious to be on here. Im not sure if its the right thing to do. I've never spoken to anyone about how i feel or anything. Even my husband. I just cant. I dont really know what i am supposes to do. I feel so alone and lost.

[Sapphire_]

I went to my appointment. It wasnt as bad as i thought it would be. I have another app next week and can call inbetween if i need to. She gave me some coping strategies for times of distress and when anxiety starts. Still feeling like im in a dark place but i will use these stratagies to see if they help when i need. She told me that she is there to help me build up that very small part of me that wants to live and make it stronger and over time that huge part of me that wants to die will disappear or reduce and learn to cope with it. Its going to be very hard work. Like you said DB, ive done it before i can do it again.

Thank you all for believing in me when i dont believe in myself.

[startingnew]

im so glad you went to your appointment Sapphire. itll be hard work for sure but to get a better life i guess theres not many other options hey.. she sounds like she really has your best interests at heart and has a goal to get you less suicidal which is fantastic!

it takes practice to get the strategies to work so dont give up on the first time around ok..... like anything practice makes perfect

here for you anytime you need, sending some good hugs (soul hugs as DB calls them) your way xoxox

[demonblaster]

Good for you Sapphire, so glad & that you're going into this with an open mind, depression closes us so you're totally on the right track

Thankyou & yes we do believe in you, & yes you can get back up again, you're on your way already, psych sounds genuine & like a good one. Very happy for you

Yes hard work but no harder than what you're going through now with a good result on the other side

Peace darlin you're on your way towards it

[Sapphire_]

Today i had a very unexpected surprise rock up at my front door step. My best friend since little kids. She has moved back home from canada where she has lived for the past 5 years. I told her about my depression and suicide attempts and sh. She said she will help me through it.

This surprise has litterally made me feel happy for the first time in a long time. I thought i could never feel happy again. She is my only friend and ive missed her terribly. I cant believe how much her visit has perked me up.

[demonblaster]

Thats fantastic Sapphire, exactly what Im saying, we dont know whats ahead, time changes things

So so happy for you 🌝

Your turn for peace⚘

[startingnew]

Thats amazing! So happy for you! 😊😊🤗🤗🤗

[Sapphire_]

Thank you.

I had a good day yesterday and today seems to be going good too. I have a doctor appointment soon to check my meds and get new scripts. Also to check whats going on with my eating problems.

I feel like things are finally starting to pick up again and Im feeling positive for a change 😊

❤❤

[startingnew]

Thats awesome! Im really glad to hear that. Good luck with your appt. Let us know how you go

[Sapphire_]

Heya everyone.

Well i went to my gp yesterday and i just felt uneasy. I wasnt comfortable with him. I dont know what it was but i just didnt feel right so i didnt tell him about my eating/swallowing problems. Also the psychs i was seeing in the day therapy place that prescribed my meds have not sent him any info on my meds so he was unable to prescribe me any. I only have enough to last me til mid next week so i have to figure out what to do and quickly. I dont want to go down that black hole again not being on meds.

Today has been another goodish day. My friend took me to the beach early in the morning with our dogs. It was good because there wasbt many people there and was nice to be at the beach in a positive way. My dog went for a swim and looked like a drowned rat 😁 we are both resting as i still havent been getting much sleep.

Ive started drawing up tattoo designs to cover up some scars. Im thinking an arrow because you have to draw it back to shoot forward. And a semi colon. Will be a pretty meaningful tat and will be a gift to myself after i have recovered.

I hope your all well today ❤

[startingnew]

hi Sapphire

its ok you didnt feel comfortable, is there another gp you could see? and maybe spek to the psych you were attending before and ask for another script as your still trying to find another gp.... hopefully they can help you out with something..

it really sounds like you had a busy but good day. its great to hear your doing well esp since ive witness right from the start and where you started. see i told you, you were progressing even though you might not see it yourself

the tatoo idea sounds pretty awesome!