I so lonely 😭 and I am tired of this

[Unicorndogge]

I don’t know how to start this but I am sick and tired of having no one to talk to and nothing to do. I sit at home and just do written jobs. No one even cares if I sit on my own all day.I have tried to talk to people that i went to school with but none of them have even showed any interest, I am so desperate. I cry myself to sleep most nights I can’t sleep because what’s the point. I am good at nothing which makes me un- useful. None of this youth groups can help me and my consular doesn’t know how to help either. I am so scared of what I have become, 20 and I have no friends or job even worse no one likes me. I just think what is the point of living when there is nothing to live for, this is cruel world. If anyone is reading this I am not forcing you to answer but if you do Thankyou very much.

[Gadzooks]

Morning Hayley,

Firstly, I'm very sorry if I made you feel down with talking about my music. I just wanted to show how we are our own worst critics when it comes to these things. Sometimes when everything is so overwhelming it does feel like nothing can be enjoyed. I've had a funky week in that regard. What are your plans for today? You have shared many different things such as art, swimming, reading that you don't mind doing. I am going to get some sewing patterns printed though I really don't feel like it. Did not sleep well at all last night. But like you, I want to be useful. That doesn't mean we can't do things for ourselves every now and again.

I love reading and tend to be a prefer book to movie person. The Chronicles of Narnia is a great series! I don't want to write any spoilers. How far through are you? The Horse and His Boy is my favourite which most people haven't even heard of haha.

Hope today is going okay so far and apologies again.

Gadzooks

[Unicorndogge]

Hi gadzooks

You didn’t make me sad I am just selfish and mean I don’t deserve anyone. What am I good for? Nothing. If you knew me in real life you wouldn’t like me coz all I do is push people away.

i can’t sew but I can kinda knit but like art I can only do it when I am relaxed, I did some this morning and I am making a scarf then I want to teach myself more stuff, it’s going to be hard to find good sources though, i am a left handed and it basically sucks if you want try anything like playing instruments in your case.

i am sorry you didn’t sleep last night I am having trouble too. I also like books more then movies and if I wanted to watch something I would watch anime coz most of the time I don’t have the attention span to just sit there and watch, the good thing with books is you can imagine movies you can’t. I am have only finished the first story of Narina and so I have heaps to go. And yes I have the house and the boy.

you don’t need to apologise it’s me that needs to.

i am sorry gadzooks for being selfish

hayley

[Aaronsis]

Hey Hayley

Hope today is going well for you, I am so sorry to hear though that you will be spending the weekend alone. Have you been invited to go camping? Do you want to be invited and to go along with them? That is really hurtful Hayley that you haven't got something fun to do or someone to do it with , I understand that you want this so badly and I am just so sad for you as you are a beautiful girl, you really are.

I hope the lady gets back to you soon, not as time is running out as it really isn't, but so you have something to feel good about and feel like you are achieving something as well as a place to go and perhaps meet some new people and find a place to belong.

You are not a burden and you do matter, you matter to us and we care about you very much. The world is you oyster as they say Hayley and if you want to move to live somewhere else you are free to do that too. My only concern is that moving locations is just that, a change of location, the emotional baggage does tend to move with you too, so making sure you have anything you want to deal with resolved before hand is always a great idea, if possible that is.

You will get out of this mess, why? because you are determined, you are smart and you will...how? you just need you opportunity to show itself to you and that might be in the form of this lady providing you with a break or with something coming up that we don't know about yet...but we have to stay hopeful.

Huge hugs to you sweet girl

Sarah xxx

[Gadzooks]

Hi Hayley,

I do not believe you are selfish or mean and I know that Sarah doesn't either. You are lovely and skilled and so worthwhile and we will not stop believing that. Something is going to happen to make things better whether it comes from you or someone else. We just can't predict when/how.

The great thing about most craft and music is that it's largely ambidextrous. Being left dominant can be an advantage as in many cases it has the more fiddly movement. You can knit left handed, but I completely understand it is confusing as I have tried to teach someone before. I'm doing Cross Stitch at the moment. It requires both hands and you can make lovely pictures. I highly recommend if you do want something crafty to do.

Reading is exciting! Plus you have the whole Narnia series ahead of you! I know it only helps so much having things you enjoy, but I am glad they're around you and give you some opportunity for a break.

How about we both agree not to apologise? I do it far too much in order to make sure that others are okay. We know this is a supportive environment. I am always happy to talk to you Hayley because you are worth it and I have so much empathy for what's happening. Plus I'm definitely far from a perfect place currently and existing in this space helps a bit too.

Hugs

Gadzooks

[Unicorndogge]

Hi Sarah

My dads girlfriend took me to job agency today even though I told her last time it didn’t work. I am frustrated she isn’t listening but I can’t tell her she will just be mad with me for the rest of the week. I think that having someone to talk is more important right now. I am so drained and I am not myself at all, I hate it. I don’t know if I belong anywhere even so no one wants me. I just want to be wanted even if it was just by one person. Why am I not wanted?

Moving to somewhere completely different from here sounds appealing to me. I was thinking Denmark since that is where my nan comes from I heard it was a happy country. Plus I would get to start over from scratch and maybe the people are nicer over there and I won’t be so alone also it won’t be so hot. But that is just one of my thoughts something I made up to make me feel better and yeah I have thought of other countries like Iceland or the Netherlands. I make up a lot just to go to sleep if that even works.

i want to say Thankyou for being here this long. I didn’t expect anyone to even answer me and reading your posts makes me feel happy that someone is there even though I can’t see them.

hayley

[Unicorndogge]

Hi gadzooks

I only wish I was skilled but in reality I am just a try hard. Why doesn’t no one care about me in real life?,What puts them off? Because I am a waste of time I am not funny or entertaining. I am probably boring actually they all laugh at me maybe because I really am dumb. I wish they would just tell me it to my face. Everything is more simple when it’s that way. Why say something good about me that’s not true? It’s easier and it save the conflict. I know what I am, I am just a waste of time and I enjoy nothing in this life I just want to be useful even though I get no enjoyment out of it. Too be honest my mind has turned black and white, I don’t see any beauty in things.

So the question is am I worth all the effort?

hayley

[Junior412]

Hi Hayley

Hope you're ok.

It's been a long time since I've had to look for work, but I'm sure you'd have some sorts of skills to be able to help you find a job. No one is unemployable. Maybe write down a list of things that you are good at - you've already proven to us that you're good at artwork, so obviously you have a creative streak in you. I can tell you that I'm no Oxford scholar, but I worked from the bottom and slowly worked my way up to where I am today.

Maybe a move to a new country could be beneficial, but I'm guessing that its easier said than done. I had to go through months and months of red tape just to be sent overseas on a temporary basis.

No one is a waste of time, just remember that. No one is really dumb either, you've proven that. By reaching out here speaks volumes of you as a person. Those who think you are "dumb" are in fact the dumb ones themselves, I and others here believe you are a lot smarter than that because you're strong enough to open up about your problems.

Of course you are worth the effort, several responses to your plight prove that, everyone has the right to be loved and be worth it, so don't ever stop believing that. It's a shame you're closest relatives think otherwise. Do you see anyone in a professional capacity to help you right now? Talking to an expert helps, but we're always here if you want to keep unloading.

Keep smiling

Simon

PS Hi Sarah and Gadzooks, keep up the good work!

[Aaronsis]

Hello Hayley

That was such a lovely note to read at the end of your post, I so care so very much Hayley and I think you are such a wonderful person and I am just so sorry that life is not how you had hoped at this moment, but I am so very very positive that things will change for you. I am here for you always and I enjoy chatting to you and I just hope that I do make a difference to your day, I am so happy to "be here this long" and trying to get through this part of your life with you.

I am sorry that the trip to the agency was not really welcomed and that you felt forced and pressured to go, who knows though, it might be a welcome surprise and something positive might come out of it. I am sure that your dad's girlfriend was thinking she was doing the right thing by you, even though you didn't feel good about it.

I think having someone to talk to is very important at the moment and that is why we are here, because we care and in this community you are a member and you are welcome and loved here, you belong, with us, together. You are wanted and as I have said before, and you can see too by the people who have joined in this thread that you just don't know who you are helping and who is reading and that is so powerful too Hayley, you are helping and you don't even realize.....

That is so lovely to have a place that you think would be lovely to live and yes, I think the Netherlands does sound like an amazing place. Also that you have some family history there is very special too, who knows what is in store for you and that is the exciting part. You have a whole life ahead to make some wonderful choices for you and for your life.

Just as a side note...I just noticed that this is my 1000 post...I am so glad it is chatting to you....you are very special and wonderful Hayley.

Hope today gives you something to smile about and make you feel good.

Hugs and more hugs

Sarah xxxx

[Unicorndogge]

Hi junior nice to see you again

firstly I want to say strong and smart are two different things. I am by no means either. I get everyone is trying to be nice but I know the truth. What is the point anymore, I am not useful at all. Not one person in real life has wanted me. I just don’t think I am ever going to go back to how I was. It’s disgusting, I am so ugly. Yeah I see my psychologist but she doesn’t know how to help me.

hayley

[Unicorndogge]

Hi Sarah

Thankyou for beings here

i didn’t sleep well last night so I am out of energy. These thoughts have been increasing lately. Today is the same as always just me and nothing else. I want to draw but I am too scared If won’t come out as I want. I barely have a life and I won’t have a good life if my dads girlfriend wants to get me in her company I will just be told what to for the rest of my life.

hayley