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I NEED SOME ADVICE/HELP
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ok, so I don't even know the best place to put this but here goes.
So I was talking to an online chat the other night about some of my issues and getting some advice. They asked if I had self harmed and I had said yes. I told them I was not suicidal and only used self-harm as a coping strategy when my other strategies don't work. Was asked if anyone was with me, I said my husband but he doesn't know about everything (he knows a little bit) and I am not ready to tell him. Said I was seeing a psychologist and that they know everything going on. They kept saying I need to tell someone and go somewhere for help. I kept telling them I was ok and didn't need medical assistance. They asked if they could ring me and I said not right now, I am happy to ring later on tonight when I am alone. So chat ended there.
20 mins later I have police knocking on my door saying they had a report of someone harming themselves and wanting to commit suicide. Well all hell broke lose. I spoke to them, they realised I was ok and did not need to go to hospital.
So now is the part I need help with. My psych is on 2 weeks leave so cannot get into contact. I have had to tell my husband more than I am comfortable with at this stage. I had already planned to sit down with him and my psych. together and let him know more.
Now everything is worse than ever. My anxiety is through the roof, has just increased my SH, panic attacks have doubled, my husband has gone all weird on me and now I never want to reach out and get help again in case something like this happens again. I feel so alone and don't know what to do anymore. The last 2 days have been hell and I feel like the little control I had has now gone.
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I'm having a crap day myself. The hardest part of these forums is the delay between the writing of the post and the approval/arrival on the board and then waiting for a response. So much can happen in the meantime.
I guess all I feel I can do or say is ask, are you safe? and is there someone you can talk to (Any crisis line) right away?
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I've called a line so a bit safer now. Just been one of those days.
Are you ok?
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Hi Sad Puppy Dog, thanks for your concern, I am back home now. Not great but ok! Sent him out for a boys night (I think he needs it).
Writing on here does help me too. Hope your bath was nice and you can distract yourself a bit tonight
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Hello Nell
Sorry not to be around. What happened with your husband. I see you have sent him out for a night with boys. I was thinking that another immediate support for you would be the Chat Online service. This is an email service but in real time. It operates between 3:00pm and midnight. See bottom left of page or top right.
I agree, the no doubt well-meant comments from those who have not been there are very irritating. What did you get? The "I understand" or the "I know how you feel". It would really be great if everyone simply sat down and listened. We know there's not a lot they can do and we know our MI will not disappear in a day no matter what remedies others suggest.
Well I don't entirely understand your particular difficulty but I know you are in pain and I understand that. Writing here does help a great deal I have found. I have often said that I am writing as much for myself as others.
Remember we are here.
Mary
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Hi Mary,
You don't have to apologise for being not around at all.
So to make a long story short, Sunday morning got into argument with hubby, he said a few things about my MI, I cracked it, got in car, drove to park, had SI and SH thoughts. Rang helpline, calmed down, went back home, sent him out for boys night. Still a bit tense but he has apologised and so should be ok.
Today had my cousin at my house. She decided to give me her advice on what I should and shouldn't be doing. Even better, she gave the great advice of "I will get over it". At that stage I was actually keeping it together. But then it was even better when she saw where I had SH yesterday and decided to give me a lecture that went something like "how could you do that when you have your kids, you are so selfish". Ohh, did I tell you she is highly educated as a hairdresser!
So me being me lost it at her. Told her politely (well maybe not cause I swear a lot) where she could shove her opinion and told her what I thought of her. Probably a bit harsh, but calm and composed are not really my thing.
Well she stormed out into the rainy afternoon. So that was what the above rant was about. If it is not one thing it is another. It is hard enough dealing with my MI that I can't deal with peoples uneducated opinions of what I should and should not be doing. So now I am ignoring the calls from my Aunt (her mum) and my mum because no doubt the whole family know about it. And I am sure I am made out to be the bad one in all of this. That I don't really care about, got much bigger things to deal. Just change my name to black sheep!
Nell (sorry its soooo long)
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Dear Nell
Now I am even more sorry I have neglected you for a couple of days. Yes it is at the least irritating to be told how and what to do by someone who has no idea what is wrong or how to support someone.
You said when husband returned he apologised and things are back to normal. Do you think he can talk to your family about not bugging you? I think I have mentioned the information available on BB but I will say again. Much of the information can be downloaded but not booklets. You can send for these from BB without charge. I think they may be useful as there is specific information on how family and friends can help and support you. It does give some information on depression and anxiety which they may find useful.
Have a chat to your husband about talking to his family when your information arrives from BB. It's easy to say I know but the more educated people get the less stigma will be around. I'm almost afraid to say they mean well as no doubt you have heard this many times. Perhaps you can build on this.
With your husband present for moral support, perhaps you can invite a couple of key family people to your home and give them the information to take away. Explain how depression affects you and cannot be 'cured' by thinking positively, looking for the good, getting on with life and ignoring it plus any other ill-informed comment. If you can use the information pages to demonstrate that it is not like having the 'flu which gets better by itself, it may be the start of your family having more understanding and compassion.
If your name does not identify you it may be a thought to ask the family to browse the forum. I presume you would not necessarily like them to read your posts and if your avatar or name could identify you then it will not be a useful idea.
I have had conversations (?) such as the one you described. Not very productive to either party and most importantly makes you feel exhausted, not to mention the spillover to more general family relationships. Not good for anyone and sadly can alienate people. I do understand and as I have said, been there, done that, got the tee shirt.
Your general information about yourself is on the previous page. Going there will lose what I have written. So just a quick check, do you see a counsellor at all?
Mary
