I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

No...I don't have any friends

It didn't go too bad, I have to email plans that I don't have...guess I should have told them that...

I might get a call today (about the carport delivery), so I'll let them know later.

I still feel sick...

[Emmy.]

We are your friends hun.

Good work making the call. Sometimes the simple things can be tough. I just stood in the shower crying cause I have to go to the shops on my own. I understand.

I thought of you yesterday as I was admiring my neighbours carport. She has it looking so cute with pot plants and garden chairs she actually doesn't use it for the car haha.

Whats something fun planned for today. How's Buddy? Be proud hun you make the call. Emmy xx

[james1]

Of course you have friends. We're all here for you.

You did really well. You should post it in the achievements thread if you feel comfortable 🙂 My achievement of yesterday/today was getting a few hours sleep. Some days it really is the small things that are just really really tough.

Hugs

James

[Music_Freak]

Thank you James and Emmy, I needed to read that today 🙂

I didn't know there was an achievement thread, will have to search for it.

Nothing fun as such planned for today, maybe I can snooze with Mr. beghog (Buddy) later. I might go buy myself a chocolate bar or something later, we'll see. Buddy's good, the fleas have been annihilated and he's snoozing on my bed, with his blanket, which is usually on my computer chair but I had to surrender it to stop him stealing my seat 🙂

I hope the trip to the shops goes OK, Emmy. I'll be thinking of you, I did that yesterday

[Music_Freak]

I meant Mr. bedhog

Geez, my typing is bad some days!

[james1]

Woo no more fleas! Those little suckers are gone.

[Emmy.]

Chocolate bar sounds good. My fav is the Cadbury jelly popping candy beanies one not that I should eat it need to lose weight

[Music_Freak]

OK in a PANIC now...

Just spoke to someone else about the carport, they said I shouldn't have purchased without council approval, and I did...how could I be so stupid!!!!!!!

I could cry. I've almost grovelled to my dad, so now I feel even crappier

I could have gone through all of this for a big pile of steaming nothing. I hate myself!!!

I couldn't even eat chocolate Emmy (nice pic though, you're very pretty)

Excuse me while I pray that I drop dead. The guy is coming in the morning...I just couldn't cope with bad news - I'M SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!

[Emmy.]

The contractor installing the carport really should have checked with you that approval had been obtained.

1. Call contractor back and ask why he didn't mention it. Or could your dad call for you?

2. Call council and ask what the process is. Or check councils website so you don't have to make the call.

Don't beat yourself up about it hun. The contractor let you down. It'll all work ok. Deep breaths.... Xx

ps thanks for saying that about profile pic but I hate myself and don't think I'm pretty. Fat yes but not pretty.

[Music_Freak]

I can sense already that it's going to be rejected, there doesn't seem to be enough space...not that I can understand much of the information. But yeah...not a lot of space

I'm full of awesome plans. IDIOT!!!!